Glad you like the changes! So, that moment with Adrian. Basically, Adrian only react that way to MC because they’re the only person that Adrian thinks would draw Carlton’s attention away from him (whether that’s because Carlton and MC are attracted to each other or because MC is just that interesting as a person). Unfortunately, that’s extremely hard to convey non-verbally without the context. I can look at making it slightly clearer, but I think the best way is for the MC to address the moment later in the game (which, ironically, was something that was in the previous draft ).
Also, any error in Chapter 2 (10 p.m.) should not be reported because it’s still the old version. The new version will fix the errors, but I can’t do anything about them right now because I can’t upload only part of the new Chapter 2.
I don’t remember if this was in the original chapter one, but I liked how you explored Adrian’s backstory through the MC’s character creation. It made their stories seem more intertwined, and helped show why a peaceful or nonpartisan MC could be best friends with him, as it was his instigation that caused them to be friends to start with. It showed the good side to his love for drama and getting involved in others’ affairs.
I liked the new pictures in the game – they fit both in the narrative and in the stats screen, as though as they were photos in the MC’s notebook. I think their placement helps the flow of the story as well, as it breaks up the characters’ introductions so their individual backstories don’t get lost in the web of friendships.
The one thing that stood out to me was the line “Adrian will remember that you let Carlton kiss your hand.”. On one hand, I like the idea of lines highlighting what other characters will remember, and can see how it might work really well and be important in future chapters once the sci-fi and changing reality themes appear. On the other, though, it kind of took me out of the story since so far both the narrative and the stats screen has been from the MC’s limited perspective. Perhaps rewording it so it doesn’t blend in with the rest of the second person point of view might help.
This was not in the previous version, and I’m so glad you liked it! I really enjoyed writing that part. It really made everything feel a lot more cohesive.
Thank you!
I think I can work it naturally into the narration, so I’ll take a look at that and at other instances where it occurs and see what I can do. Thanks for the feedback!
So! Here’s my end-of-the-month update. I did a good chunk of writing, but ultimately progress was slow due to a variety of factors. Namely, even though I was off work this month, my body was in desperate need of R&R. I guess job hunting for several months and then flinging myself headfirst into a new job and moving into a new apartment took its toll, so I found myself with a strong desire to rest. So, while I did ultimately make good progress, it wasn’t nearly the amount I thought I’d make.
I do have one request that may help me out. I’m curious to get more feedback on what did and didn’t work in the previous draft. While I’m primarily using sharknap’s post to guide my revisions, I do want to hear from others who were playing the game. So, I’m posing an open-ended question:
What did you not like in the previous draft?
I understand this may be hard to answer since the previous draft is… currently unavailable due to coding errors that I can’t fix without uploading an incomplete Chapter 2. However, if you do remember things you didn’t like, please let me know! I want to make sure to rectify those issues. (I likely won’t respond to these because I want to practice absorbing criticism more effectively, but I will definitely see whatever you post). Please be as detailed as possible - it will shape the rewrites immensely.
Hey y’all! So, I’ve decided that at the moment, I’m not in the correct headspace to do writing. With everything that’s going on both in my life and in the world, my creativity is sapped dry, and I haven’t felt motivated to write. What makes that a bit harder is that I feel like the enthusiasm for Voltaic has died down significantly since I first started it, and I feel like that has to do with my confusing portrayal of my progress. To be honest, I didn’t write at all during May and haven’t written anything thus far in June. The little free time I do have is spent relaxing and taking care of myself, which I feel is necessary at the moment.
As a result, I’m locking this thread until I have an update to give. I promise I am not giving up, but I do need to put myself before my work to make sure I can still do the work. I’ll see you all on the other side!
Hi y’all! So, it’s been almost six months since I closed Voltaic’s thread for my hiatus. A lot has changed in my life since that happened! But none of that is particularly relevant for this post.
I decided that I’m going to go back to basics with Voltaic and make it a linear story. As much as I love the idea of making it a game, it’s just straight up not working. In both attempts to rewrite it, I got stuck in the exact same place, and it’s because I just don’t know how to make the gameplay engaging. It really is a story and not a game, and I feel like it’s a lot stronger if I write it linearly instead of trying to shoehorn it into a game format.
So, all that being said, this thread will, I guess, serve as a memorial for the Voltaic that existed before I made it linear! I’ll be adding the link to what currently exists of the demo (1 1/2 chapters), but know that it will never be completed. I don’t think it works as a game, and I don’t want to pour time and energy into this if it won’t become the vision I expected.
Thank you all for your support and feedback! I appreciate all of it. And I can’t wait to share the finished version with you.
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