It’s working 
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This game is so much fun so far! I’m not a big comment person but know your writing is very fun to read, I barely got a few parts into the game before I was caught hook, line and sinker.
I think there’s some sort of coding issue with the stats, the “distant” stat in particular. None of the choices seem to have it increase, although its “friendly” counterpart seems to be working fine.
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I love this comment! 
Thanks so much!!
The distant stat is a little tricky and not all choices will raise it, but I will definitely be working on ways to fix that!
I’ve known Jaecar for a short while and he already activated my protective side. Seriously screw his mom. I’m also eager to meet the siren.
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hey! i just started playing through this and a love it. just wanted to let you know that when you go to save jaecar and do the stone option, it plays through that one and the blocking one! (if that makes sense, im not too sure)
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Good catch! Should be fixed now!!
Jaecar is such a sweetie 
Thanks for sharing this! Also if you see an insane edit count it’s because I’m adding to this as I read, haha.
Broad Feedback
I liked the prologue, as it immediately starts in something interesting. Even the start of chapter 1 maintains that momentum, but once we get to the market, I feel like it drags.
Part of that is I found myself rereading some sentences over and over, because I forgot what I was reading in the middle of the sentence. Like if you read this sentence aloud:
The market crowds cover he two of us like a shroud as my brother pulls me through by the hand only stopping once we both stand in the midst of the food stalls. (sic)
The market crowds cover the two of us like a shroud, as my brother pulls me through by the hand, only stopping once we both stand in the midst of the food stalls. ← much easier to read
While a handful of sentences like these are fine and can even be a powerful stylistic choice, when encountering multiples of these in quick succession, reading becomes tedious.
I recommend adding commas to where there’d be “natural pauses” in the sentence–especially when there are dependent clauses. A trick is to read your words aloud, and adding commas where you naturally pause when you read.
Additionally, I felt like I was getting a lot of descriptions > how do you feel about this > another description > how do you feel about this. While having choices can engage readers, if the choices don’t have obvious purpose, it can slow things down. Especially in the beginning where you’re just establishing context, at some point I just started skimming because I was waiting to get to the “meat.”
I’m also noticing a lot of odd grammar things.
- Homophone switch ups: their/they’re/there, you’re/your, it’s/its, weigh/way, etc. I noted some below, but I didn’t record everything.
- Odd punctuation in dialogue: Using commas to end dialogue, even though the sentence is complete: “Just tell me what it is,” instead of “Just tell me what it is.” Or using double quotation marks when singles should be used and vice versa. I recommend looking at this guide.
Specifics
Quick note: I’m gonna flag some stuff in case it’s helpful. If this isn’t then sorry in advance!
“I’m just excited for breakfast!” I defend, mouth watering once more at the prospect of having Salted Fish and Sweet Rice Porridge.
For the food options, it might make sense to make them lower case so that when the food is mentioned, it’s not in title case like this. (If that doesn’t bother you then no worries!)
"Look [name], your a smart woman.
“But the ocean is no place for a woman. Especially not a child.” My fathers eyes still held the same kindness he’s always had, but theres a certain seriousness in them as well.
It should probably say “girl,” “boy,” or “kid” and not man/woman/etc.
Also noting *you’re.
“I bet your hungry little sister,” Bahari grins and my stomach seems to rumble on que. Dad’s laughter is like a chorus.
*you’re
*cue
I learned to cook, clean and sew as was expected of a young lady, even if Dad’s lessens lacked originality.
*lessons
One lesson ,however, stood out from the rest.
Minor spacing issue.
We Ermyn’s stay away from there we’re people of the waves, the land has no use to us," he says conviction in his voice once more.
This is a bit hard to read. Maybe split the sentence: “We Ermyn’s stay away from there. We’re people of the waves, the land has no use to us”
"My voice whithers, "They sound awful,".
Punctuation
*withers
I’m not gonna stand here and pretend like I know how the spirits work, but I know their real.
*they’re / they are
he fell asleep on the shore after everything that happened.
*He
"After the stunt you pulled today, I’d be surprised if her even let you touch her,"
"After the stunt you pulled today, I’d be surprised if she even let you touch her."
Bahari set’s the bag in my hands instead, which I’m sure is just an act of appeasement.
*sets
The moment passes, and before I know it me and Bahari are turned around and walking down paths I’ve only dreamed of stepping on.
The moment passes, and before I know it, Bahari and I are turned around and walking down paths I’ve only dreamed of stepping on.
Aside from the comma, which will add readability, I actually don’t think this needs to be changed. “Me and (person)” is a common grammar mistake, and since MC is still a child without a formal education, I think it works. But thought I’d point it out in case it wasn’t an intentional choice.
He’s not far off the path we’re taking, but every step ways heavy under my feet.
*weighs
choice: kindle his flames
To kindle means to provoke, rouse, or incite. But if you choose this option, MC apologizes. I think you mean quell, extinguish, or douse (all words that mean putting out a flame)
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Love what I’ve read so far! Very interested to learn more about
spoils
the weird vision!!
possible edits
There’s quite a few misplacements of your/you’re and their/there/they’re. I also spotted a swapped her/she. Running each passage through a spellchecker should help clear those up! Here are some of the ones I caught:
There are also some other missing, swapped, or misspelled words:
And there’s a continuity error here, which makes me wonder about the flow on any related paths:
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Why do I have a feeling that this friendship/romance will cause a lot of drama between the two families. Also, he certainly isn’t the monster his people was described as. His mother on the other hand…
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Thanks so much for this in depth feedback! I really appreciate it, I am trying to find a spell check that works with the program I use to code/write so I’m always looking for help with mistakes I make. I love the guide you attached as well.
I’ve fixed all of the above spelling mistakes, and I changed the code on the food options so even though they are capitalized in choice the coding has them in lower case. I will try to upload the updated changes sometime this week.
Once again thanks so much and please let me know if you find anything else!
Thank you for this! I just fixed all of the errors you mentioned and I’m so glad you’re enjoying the story!
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Of course! So excited to see what you’re cooking! I was in a rush posting, so I’ll strive to be more detailed in the future!
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