Visions of Destiny (Cancelled)

science-fiction
gender-choice

#2

Nice start. Looks interesting.


#3

“I was a vision.”-- “I had a vision”


#4

It seems cool! There is an error you get when trying to look at the stats.


#5

This seeems awsome will you put on the title every time when you update


#6

I agree with the others, it is an amazing beginning.
It is also a nice idea to use a save option, it can save one some trouble.
I am looking forward to it


#7

It definitely has an interesting concept, however I have noticed a few grammar errors. Still, I do look forward to seeing more.


#8

I wanted to type “saw” instead of “was” :smiley:


#9

OMG! OMG! Looks really good and interesting.


#10

Really promising start to a new game, but there’s some areas where the writing seems a little stilted.

Example

As you’re about to step forward towards her, suddenly, you start feeling dizzy and a little nauseous.

Use of the word “suddenly” feels like a case of showing and not telling.

Consider instead:

As you’re about to step forward towards her, a wave of nausea hits you, making you a little unsteady on your feet.

Not saying this is a perfect replacement by any means, but it does flow better, especially when reading it aloud.


#11

When you say, “every single choice matters”, what do you mean exactly?

I haven’t played the demo yet so I’ll update on that but here’s a quick note before I return

Of course every player of interactive fiction wants their choices to matter but overloading the player with important decisions may prove counterproductive. Immersion is only ever achieved if you combine that meaningful aspect with more minor details and flavorful choices which don’t have severe consequences to help the player relax and pace the game


#12

Yeah, my English is not so good, but I’m learning :smile: Thanks, BTW.

I’d really like you to let me know about those grammar errors so I can fix them :blush:

Yes, I will.

Oh, I will try to fix it.

“Every single choice matters” doesn’t mean every one of them has big consequences. Of course, there will be very important choices that make the readers think about their decisions for a while. But, not every choice is major in the game.


#13

Oh man, this caught my attention and the beginning is great! :smiley:


#14

I see a good future for this game. Now all you need to do, @CommanderPumpkin, is to - and I quote a great man - ‘Make it so’. :grin:


#15

this is good story i hope you keep on going


#16

Ok, so these are just a few of the things that I was able to find;

54

In this one, you don’t need that “a” there.

19

Over here you don’t need the “and”.

With this one you just need to add a period at the end of the sentence.

24

Over here you might want to add the word “the” between the words “in” and “mirror”.

59

And with this one I think you might want to remove the words “to the”, it just sounds weird having them there. But these are just my opinions.


#17

Top class Grammar Nazi.


#18

Definitely tracking this! I love stories and shows about premonitions! :heart:


#19

Pft, I wish! If I was, then I wouldn’t have any issues writing… :sweat:


#20

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I was totally gonna play this gameeeeeee :sweat:


closed #21