Vengeance: Rise Of The Assassin(WIP)(Demo Posted)(Updated 30/05/2017)

Filial piety demands revenge.

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The same way any amateur does it. You walk up and down the street wearing a sandwich board until a secret society of assassins lets you in.

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Really? Figured it’d involve Leaps of Faith into some random haystack that just so happens yo be nearby. On a roof. For whatever reason.

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I figured something to do with the dark web, but that’s just me.

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Well, I’ll just tell it will be Assassin vs Assassin in the end.

Speaking of romance options, would it be fine if you had only one RO?(Gender will change, of course).

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I uploaded the demo! Check it out!It’s about 1.2k words(including code).

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I’m sorry, it’s short, but that’s cause I am human. I’ll update it later.

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Personally I would prefer a small amount of ROs over a ton. If there’s only one here that’s fine too, because that would give you more opportunities to really flesh them out, as it were. :slight_smile:

And OMG! I’ll play the update when I get home heheh!

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I like what I see of the update. Character customization, an action scene to establish how badass our MC is; so far so good. A few nitpicks:

-‘Lexi’ isn’t much of a secret codename for someone named Alexandra. It’s like me code-naming myself ‘KaiKai.’

-There might be a more engaging way of getting the character to create a name. For example, you could try having them enter it into a datapad or guestbook in order to get closer to their target.

-I only tried the strength option, but the writing for the assassination scene seems a bit awkward:

“Using your six packs and muscles (for which you trained so hard to develop) you step in front of him in a threatening manner, and then grasp his neck as he looks at you in shock, not knowing what to do.”

Unless there are feet growing out of the MC’s six-packs, this doesn’t really make sense. :slight_smile:

Sorry if I’m piling it on with the criticism. But I really do like this game, and I see good things in its future.

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Wow the demo is awesome. I totally am going to play this game if it follows this pattern. Of course it is only a little bit of the game, but I totally will play more. I agree with Kalias as in the codenames are kinda obvious. I mean both are basically what you could call them if you wanted to say the shortened name lol.

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Ok, I’ll fix them up!

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I hope your game does great and it seems to be awesome. I’m kinda of new to this, but another thing that was awesome is the extra character customization. I haven’t played a lot of CoG games but there doesn’t seem to be a lot of them that do that so that is definitely a plus for me.
Edit: I just realized after going through multiple playthroughs that if you pick shaved it still asks for a hair color. I don’t know if that is on purpose or a bug. I can see why it might be on purpose but just pointing it out in case. Also sorry if I’m posting on this topic too much or something. I could pm you or something.:sweat_smile:

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Well that was neat.

Right, so, let’s pro/con this demo.

Cons:

  1. Seemed like everything went by a bit too quickly. This isn’t me saying that it’s too short, It’s me saying that it felt like we were just going down a checklist of all the necessary things to have for character customization.
    I would recommend not having all that at the very beginning. Just write the story naturally and only ask the player “are you this or that?” when it actually becomes relevant.

  2. Given the description, it seems like this will be a pretty grim tale. With that in mind, the opening didn’t quite properly capture what the story is supposedly going to feel like. Part of it is what I mentioned earlier.
    I would open up with a more somber tone. Rather than getting right into an action-packed assassination, maybe a brief and incomplete flashback followed by the protag waking up in a cruddy apartment, to emphasize their cracked soul. Or if you still do the assassination, make it a more gritty one, some dark place, a long and drawn out death scene, vocabulary that’s heavy and makes the reader feel “this is a really sad life.”

  3. Considering how many stats there are, I would either place more opportunities to raise them or combine those that are similar enough.

Personal con: Was looking for a “friends with benefits” option for the relationship with the assistant. Felt like it fit for the kind of people we’re playing as (that being, people who kill other people for money and live empty, hollow lives).

Pros:

  1. Pretty extensive looking stat screen.

  2. I didn’t crash once! Yay!

  3. Lots of different ways to accomplish objectives. I heartily advocate for variety in approach during future jobs.

Right, so, pros and cons addressed. Personal story time!
My story is that of Arya Stark (placeholder name), code-named “Nobody” (not a placeholder).
She killed a guy with a gun and knife, then used a cunning plan to escape after being contact by her “just friend” (hopefully ‘bed buddy’ in future installments) Darian.
Then they went into the next chapter.
The end.

Post note:
On the ‘one romance’ thing.
I support and advocate for it. Trying to shoehorn in more romances for the sake of having more romances can only harm a story and take away time and energy from the actual story itself. Unless a character serves a purpose aside from being a hole/rod, don’t bother with them.

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I’m going to agree mostly with @Interestedparty. I’d like to see a little more prose before you get down to character creation. Most of the character creation choices (aside from “codename”) could be chosen in the flashback to the tragic past (which I’m assuming is coming). Also, I feel that maybe spending a little time going over the earlier stages of this particular assassination would help (such as how did you get to the target?) (That said, character creation shouldn’t happen too late, otherwise it’ll feel weird in a different way.)

I would disagree with this, though. Not the “don’t add romances without plot significance” part, but if it turns out that you have a plot-significant character who people want to romance, then adding them as a romance could be a good idea.

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Well, I’ll consider your suggestions, of course, but I like giving sharp
twists to my stories. It’s my style of writing.

And for the name part, I’ll give it later. But is the hair colour and hair
length selection sequence ok?

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It was fine.

But if you’re gonna add customization for the hair, you might as well throw in customization for the eyes.

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Updated the demo(again)!Check it out!
And @AAO, I’ll think about your suggestion.
And @Redthegamr, you might want to check this demo out.

Lol “kill the first guard you see and take his disguise.” That was fun. The subtle reference thing I could get behind. Though I don’t know how far you can go without copyright infringements. I would assume pretty far.