i am surprised you know that patronymics are often used in the countries of the former Soviet Union. Love your WIP, good luck!
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But it’s totally fine for said biological parent to get away with (potential) emotional trauma? I guess it is, since she has two weeks to live as of the ending of chapter 2
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I don’t want to hurt Yvette physically.
I’ll just treat her with the indifference and disdain she deserves.
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Asking to physically harm Yvette is not reasonable, I’m afraid 
Especially for something that occurred 10 years before next chapter.
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She tried to mind control us.
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Aww please, don’t be sorry! And don’t worry, English is also not my first language, so we’re the same on that front. 
The Ash and Rin poly is still very tentative right now, and I will try to implement that and the Civilian ending once I’ve finished 90% of the story or even the whole rough draft of the book, since I don’t want to bite more than I can chew; I want to make sure I at least have the book done first before adding extra stuff in when I go over the whole book again in one big editing process before the submission.
I have explained this also when I answered some asks on my Tumblr, but if I were to implement the poly with Ash/MC/Rin, it will be a V-type of relationship. So, MC will be in a relationship with both Ash and Rin at the same time (Ash and Rin sharing MC) but Ash and Rin themselves won’t get into a romantic relationship and will stay close and trusted friends with each other.
@comradelenin Not really mind control, but more of trying to manipulate MC’s emotions into liking her since she’s not a telepath, but that’s almost the same thing anyway 
I know it’s pretty bad, but I still can’t write out those scenes.
There will be another way to hurt her later on without having to resort to physical violence. And I think MC will be able to say pretty mean and hurtful things to her as well once she comes to MC.
I think the timegap/timeskip is 15 years currently (I’m still not too dead-set on the ages yet, tbh. I may or may not retcon all the ages a bit in the future back to the original ones that I had planned before I released the Prologue and Chapter 1. Still not too sure about it yet.)
But yeah, it’s a pretty good point that it happened a long time ago, and sure some MCs will still hate her, but I think I’ll give options for readers to choose what their MC feels now about their mother after 15 years later on.
I think this will also be one choice of how your MC feels about her now; not really anger and not really strong hate, but more like an annoying stranger.
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Potato po-tah-to. In any case, I do agree that straight up attacking her out the gate is overkill, but what she did was legitimately evil. Like, not just scummy, evil.
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First of, I thoroughly enjoyed this story! Other than Breach I haven’t played any mafia/gang based IF novels. I love how angsty these can be haha I love the pace of the story so far, I can defintiely feel it building up. The characters are great, I don’t usually like the best friend/brother like (I mean they were raised together!) figure to lovers trope but Ash is growing on me so we’ll see how I like that build up.
Here are my character stats and description for the first route I did. So far I’m leaning towards a reluctant to be Heir MC (but wants the best for her family, she’s unsure whether she’s fit to lead). Someone not keen to violence and would rather defuse the situation since they haven’t really been exposed to violence except for that one night. However, she’s smart enough to realize she belongs to a world where violence is a constant threat. She wants justice for her dad’s death but not at the cost of anyone else she cares about, its not what her father would have wanted.
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I feel like jsc just implied Takashi either loved Viktor or betrayed him and no one has realized or said anything yet… 
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Because it’s been confirmed on author’s tumblr for a while 
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Oh… 
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Yes But I do wonder, for those who haven’t been following my Tumblr and didn’t know beforehand, including you @Derpyyz and @Cat-Toes, is it pretty clear that Takashi has a crush and unrequited love for Viktor just from the clues I sprinkled in? 
I’m glad you’re liking my story so far and that Ash has managed to grow on you 
I really love Breach as well, still one of my favorite IFs so far, but now that I think of it, I also haven’t played any mafia/gang focused IF other than Breach as well 
Well, in Breach, we might be taking down the mafia, here, we are the mafia instead 
Also, thank you for sharing your MC and her stats 
It’ll really help a lot!
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Yep. I knew from the funeral scene for Victor. Don’t you worry about how you handled it; it is very elegantly managed, imo.
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Once I knew about it, it was pretty obvious, but I didn’t notice beforehand. I just think I wasnt payingbenough attention to be honest.
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I honestly didn’t realize until you implied it just now, the way he reacted in terms of Viktor and the funeral I assumed that they were the best of friends but I think it’s actually fully clicked for me because of the dialogue where it said that Viktor hadn’t really mentioned Takashi much but Takashi was the complete opposite. I think it was more that because he’s a married man with a daughter I didn’t really notice but things make a lot more sense now, especially the bitter resentment he cast Yvette, I assumed it was because he hated her as much as I did haha. Maybe I’m just a bit slow when it comes to realizing feelings.
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Regarding the characters, Uncle luka is a well done character and his bond with the mc is depicted well. Rin is a really really interesting character and am curious to know more about them. But I have mixed feelings for ash. I didn’t like the way they handled the bully and if given a choice my mc would have been furious. Maybe they weren’t in full control but still my mc would have been raging at them for going so far as to burn him. And it doesn’t help that they felt guilt because we were dragged into it not because they took it too far. And their prickly personality with just about everyone but us is not sweet to me. Like I get it, we are special to them but don’t show it by treating everyone else as trash.
All in all, the story is interesting and the flashbacks were well done. It pulled me in and now I am left wanting for more.
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Ash personality and characteristics is fine and I don’t think he’s treating other people like trash without a reason, he only treat them like trash if they are persistent or deserves it like the lady that forced her son to date/befriend the MC, the MC mother dearest or the bully who bullied the MC.
I’d rather like Ash personality for an RO rather than the overused asshole ice king/queen RO that masochist likes to chase and simping over. 
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So burning the bully is okay? Ash could have used words or punched him in the face and my mc would have rooted for him too but burning is extreme. There were marks on the bully’s skin, burning is agony and one other student had their clothes on fire. Ash was a child but the thing is they didn’t regret it, their guilt stemmed from the fact that the mc got involved in this mess. The other incident is justifiable.
And yes Ash is much much better than these ros.
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I will say this once and be done with it because I don’t want this to turned into out of control arguments.
You have to understand that Ash got a anger issue that he can’t control and worse, it was being triggered by the bully that targeted the MC whom is a important person to him. The bully can avoid it in the first place by backing down but no, the bully pride is more important. I don’t know if Ash ever get help for his temperamental behavior or not but seeing MC gets bullied and the attitude of the bully made him lose control and abandon all rational thinking because his instinct/goal was to protect MC, seeing MC scared of him snapped him out of his rage because hurting MC was not his intention or goal.
Edit : forgot to mention that Ash did warn the bully first and the first thing they do is challenge Ash, so the bully just invite trouble towards himself.
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Neither do I want an argument but just wanted to say that I agree with what you are saying but thats not the point I am trying to make. The fact is they didn’t feel anything akin to remorse, horror, regret or guilt after ash realises what they have done. The only thing they feel guilty about is dragging the mc into it. Thats the point I am trying to make. It feels as if they can be violent without any regrets but don’t want to be in front of the mc. If the mc wasn’t around they would have burned the bully and warned him to not breathe a word about this to the mc. I may be wrong but thats how I saw the scene.
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