Vendetta (WIP) (Major Update: Chapter 2 Released - 17 August 2022)

Hi guys! I’ve been lurking on the forum for quite some time. Feeling inspired from all the awesome WIPs posted on the forum, I’ve finally decided to try writing out one of my story concepts into ChoiceScript last month. And thus, “Vendetta” is born.

Currently, the Prologue, Chapter 1, and Chapter 2 are done and available in the demo. The Prologue is about 5k words, Chapter 1 is around 18.8k words, and Chapter 2 is about 57.5K words. Total word count currently is around 81.2K words.

English is my second language, so I expect a lot of strange wordings and awkward sentence structures, grammar mistakes, and also typos :sweat_smile: I would also love to hear your thoughts on the story so far and any feedback for improvement :smile: Also, this is my first experience in coding, so, please tell me if there are any pronoun errors that managed to slip through and any other coding errors you found.

Hey guys, please help me by sending the abilities, skills, personalities, and hidden stats of your MCs at the end of Chapter 2 along with a short description of what kind of MC you are planning to play as (the description is optional). :sparkling_heart: It will help me in balancing stat checks for next chapter! Thank you :smile:

Patreon Page is now Live! :partying_face: :tada: Check out the link below or read more about it on post #360

Discord Server is Up :tada: :confetti_ball: Feel free to join with the link below or on post #350

Chapter 3 Part 1 - Sneak Peek here! Also, check out post #377 or click here for the new tweaked ROs and other characters ages.

Also, the 1K Followers Characters’ Q&A Session Answers are finally here as well!
If you guys are interested in seeing the characters answering some questions, here are the links:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

In case you guys haven’t checked them out, the ROs’ Artbreeder portraits are already out on Tumblr or you guys can check out below on the Love Interest section (the ones on Tumblr are better quality though) And I have inserted them into the ROs’ Character Guide stat screen as well.

For details about what the Minor Update brings, check out post #308 or check out the Tumblr post here.

Check out the Characters List below to check out which ending path the MC can take that the ROs will follow. Also, added Luka’s artbreeder picture and a link to the tumblr post detailing more about him.

Demo: https://dashingdon.com/play/jsc/vendetta/mygame/
Tumblr: https://vendetta-if.tumblr.com/
Patreon: Jesslyn Clarissa is creating Interactive Fiction Novels | Patreon
Discord: Vendetta Server

Synopsis

Ten years ago, your father was assassinated. They said it was a successful hit-job done by a rival gang or another criminal family and closed the case. But you know better… You were there during the attack after all, even though not exactly in his last moments. You know it’s not that simple.

He deserves better. He was a vigilante, helping the citizens of Elysium City equally when its own superheroes were too busy maintaining their public image and reputation to even bother helping the ‘little folks’. But when they found out about his true identity as the heir of the infamous Morozov Criminal Family posthumously, they quickly closed the investigation as soon as they arrested the one surviving attacker out of the many that participated in that bloody night and considered that justice. There was no more fame or reputation to be gained for finding true justice for a long-retired vigilante who turned out to be a criminal as well, so why spend the energy and manpower? But you won’t accept it. You will seize the truth on your own and spit it on their faces. At least, that’s what you always tell yourself…

For a decade you have been trapped and tortured in a perpetual hell of your own making, reliving that bloody night every year and furious at yourself for not being a step closer to finding out the truth. Every year, you promise your father that you will bring him the justice that he deserved. And you mean it. You won’t rest until you find the one who killed him. Even if you have to tear apart this rotten city from the inside out, you will stop at nothing to have your vengeance.

This is your tale, Revenger, and you will decide how you will seize your well-deserved vendetta. Will you finally break the vicious cycle and rise above it all? Or will you become another part in the long blood-soaked cycles of vendetta?

Plot

The world of ‘Vendetta’ is very similar to our own, except that around 35% of the population worldwide are born with abilities and powers. The setting of the story is a fictional metropolis city called Elysium City (located on the West Coast US), where almost half of its population are powered people. Its lenient laws on the usage of powers help make the superhero business and scene in the city boom almost exponentially.

You will play as the child of an ex-vigilante (who was also the heir of a criminal family) and a famous and legendary superheroine. You are lucky enough to be born with two abilities: Gravikinesis (gravitational field manipulation) and Umbrakinesis (shadow manipulation).

You should have been living peacefully by now, if only your father wasn’t murdered a decade ago. Most of those years you spent living with your uncle as he tried his best in raising you and your childhood best friend, who was also orphaned not long after your father died.

Now, ten years later, you are not closer to finding out the truth about who killed your father. That is until a recent series of high-profile murders of the city’s well-known superheroes start popping up. And the next target on the list? Your mother. Now, she comes begging for your help, assuring you that the group that has been killing off the heroes is somehow connected to the group that carried out the hit against your father.

She might be lying… or she might be telling the truth. No matter what, you’ll take any path that will lead you closer to finding your father’s killer. A step closer to justice for your father. A step closer to your vengeance…

Features
  • Play as a man, woman, or non-binary.
  • Customize your MC’s physical appearance.
  • Make choices that will affect your personalities and the people around you.
  • Play around with the laws of physics with your gravitational field manipulation power (gravikinesis) or bend the shadows to your will with umbrakinesis or do both, who’s gonna stop you?
  • Will you rely more on your physical prowess, your silver tongue, or maybe your sharp mind instead, to get you out of trouble?
  • Choose the nickname that the public will know you by.
  • Maintain your public reputation and affect their perception of you: Will you be admired and famous or will you choose to be more low-profile instead? Or maybe, you like to be feared more than loved instead…
  • Investigate and find out who killed your father and finally find peace for your father… and yourself.
  • Investigate about the group who has been targeting the city’s famous and well-known superheroes and their connection to your father’s murder.
  • Find love, befriend, or make enemies with 4 gender-selectable characters.
  • Will you follow your uncle’s guidance and become the new head of the Morozov Criminal Family, or will you follow in your father’s footsteps and become the vigilante that the city needs, or maybe you have decided to pursue the fame and glamorous life of being a superhero with the help from your mother instead?
Love Interests
  • Ash Flynn [M/F] | The Childhood Best Friend

    • Ash has always been by your side for as long as you can remember. The child of your father’s closest childhood friend, they are fiercely loyal and protective of you. They have an infamous temper and a penchant to deal problems with force and violence.
    • Physical Appearance: Blazing, wavy, copper hair and deep emerald hued eyes. For male Ash, his hair is always kept short and often messy and unstyled. For female Ash, her hair is always kept at shoulder-length and most of the time loose, although she sometimes keeps her hair in a simple ponytail during physical intensive activities. They have rosy skin that is dusted with freckles all over their body. Both male and female Ash stand at 6’2” (188 cm) tall with lean and athletic build. They are 22 years old.
    • Ability: Pyrokinesis (fire creation and manipulation; immunity to fire and heat).
    • Words to describe them: fierce, violent, abrasive, rude, sarcastic, feral, confident, passionate, impulsive, loyal, protective
    • Will follow MC in all Endings (Criminal Heir, Vigilante, or Superhero).
  • Rin Aikawa [M/F] | The Heir of Aikawa Family

    • You have met Rin quite often when you were growing up under your uncle’s care. They are the future and heir of the Aikawa Criminal Family, which is allied to your family, the Morozovs. Together, your syndicate has been able to thrive and grow exponentially in Elysium City. Their father has been trying to get them and you together, either it’s from the clear benefits or a projection from his part.
    • Physical Appearance: Glistening, midnight colored straight hair and a pair of cold obsidian colored eyes. For Male Rin, his hair is always kept short and stiffly neatly styled back, no matter the occasion. For Female Rin, her hime haircut is always kept long past her shoulders. Her hairstyles sometimes vary depending on the event or mood; most of the time it is simply let loose, but sometimes she keeps them braided or in a side ponytail. Their porcelain skin is smooth and unblemished. Both male and female Rin stand at around 5’4” (164 cm) tall with lean and slim build. They are 19 years old.
    • Ability: Precognition (foresee possible futures and observe what may happen; more information they have, the more accurate the visions will be).
    • Words to describe them: cold, logical, apathetic, detached, sharp mind, stoic, pragmatic, calculated, closed-off.
    • Will follow MC who goes for the Criminal Heir ending and Vigilante ending (if you gain their trust enough).
  • Santana Valdez [M/F] | The Detective

    • The detective being assigned to the high-profile case of the superheroes serial killings. They are the black sheep of the Elysium City Police Department. Most of the department dislikes them or at least distance themselves from them. They know they are assigned to this case to eventually be the scapegoat, but they’ll be damned if they won’t try their hardest to prove their whole department wrong.
    • Physical Appearance: Dark brown curly hair and hazel eyes that are accompanied by dark under-eye circles most of the time. For Male Santana, his hair reaches a little below his ears and most of the time looks messy and due for a haircut; also has light stubbles lining his jaw. For Female Santana, her hair is kept medium-length (longer than shoulder-length, but doesn’t reach mid-back) and almost always kept in a messy bun or ponytail. Their light bronze colored skin is littered with small scars from cuts and scrapes. Both male and female Santana stand at around 5’7” (170 cm) tall with average build. They are 25 years old.
    • Ability: Clairtelepathy (detecting mental resonance such as snippets of memories or strong emotions from the past).
    • Words to describe them: perpetually exhausted, overworked, idealistic, honest, genuine, sarcastic
    • Will follow MC who goes for the Vigilante ending and Criminal Heir ending (if you “show them how the city truly works”).
  • Skylar Moore [M/F] | The Rising Star Superhero

    • The quickly rising star Superhero codenamed ‘Phase’. They have all the classic qualities of a classic comic book superhero: chiseled body, handsome/beautiful face with a dimple when they flash their perfect white teeth. They are also your mother’s protégé. They volunteered to help with the case, not only to help their fellow colleagues, but to also gain enough fame that will launch and secure their place among the top superheroes in Elysium City.
    • Physical Appearance: Shining golden blond, wavy hair and a pair of blue eyes that are reminiscent of a clear sky. For Male Skylar, his hair is kept short and cropped in a fashionable style. For Female Skylar, her hair is kept in a wavy, bob hairstyle. Their tanned skin is peppered with some hints of freckles, but is otherwise clear of any scars. Both male and female Skylar stand at around 5’11” (180 cm) all with a lean and muscular build. They are 21 years old.
    • Abilities: Density Control (change concentration and manipulate mass of objects) and Flight
    • Words to describe them: naive, playful, cheerful, vain, altruistic, golden heart, charismatic, heroic
    • Will follow MC who goes for the Superhero ending and Vigilante ending (if you help steer them on the “right path”).
Other Important Characters
  • Viktor [Last Name] / Viktor Pavlovich Morozov [M] | Your Father
    • Your father. He was once the heir of the Morozov Family before he ran away from home and went to Elysium City to become a vigilante codenamed ‘Mimicry’ to find some sort of redemption. His vigilante career didn’t last that long, even though he really made a name for himself during his active years; all because he fell in love with the rising star superheroine, ‘Mirage’.
    • Physical Appearance: Same hair and eye colors as MC with pale skin littered with all kinds of scars. His hair was always kept short and neat. He was a very tall guy, standing at around 6’5” (195 cm). He was in his early 30s when he died.
    • Abilities: Power Replication (replicating the abilities of the person he touched for a limited period of time)
  • Luka Pavlovich Morozov [M] | Your Uncle
    • Your uncle and your father’s little brother. He is now the current acting head of the Morozov branch in Elysium City. He has been raising you after your father’s death and also Ash after their mother’s death. He’s been reluctant to fully step into his role as the new head of the family. He has always seen himself more suited as the trusted right-hand man of the family’s head; once he envisioned it to be your father, now it’s you.
    • Physical Appearance: Short black hair that he always keeps neatly parted to the side and a pair of icy blue eyes staring out of his clean-shaven, angular face. He’s a very tall guy, standing at around 6’3” (190 cm) tall. He is now entering his late 30s (around 38 years old).
    • Ability: Teleportation (short range blinks and long range teleportation).
  • Yvette Toussaint [F] | Your Mother
    • One of the city’s most famous and legendary superheroes codenamed ‘Mirage’ and also an absent mother of yours. She fell in love with your father after meeting him during his days as a vigilante. Their relationship didn’t last long when they found out that she was pregnant. In the end, she chose her career and rising fame as a superheroine instead of a life with you and your father. Now, 25 years later, she comes knocking on your door to ask for your help.
    • Physical Appearance: Same skin tone and hair texture as MC. She has brown eyes and long black hair that she styled in an elegant style while still being practical. Her skin is smooth and unblemished. She is a petite woman, standing at around 5’3” (160 cm) tall. A few years older than your father, she is now 45 years old, even though she looks a decade younger than that.
    • Abilities: Illusions (create illusions that look and feel realistic; people caught in the illusions will also feel whatever effects that they were hit by while being in the illusions) and Empathy (feel and be in tune to other people’s emotions and also enables the user to affect other people’s emotion temporarily).
Update Logs
10 July 2022 (Minor Update)

Update Log:

  • Fix most of the grammatical errors in Prologue and Chapter 1.
  • Fix the pre-set last name “Kozlov” so female MCs will now automatically get “Kozlova” instead of “Kozlov” in accordance to the Russian naming conventions.
  • Fix the flavour text where female and non-binary MCs are called “fanboys” by Ronald.
  • Remove the options to increase Gravikinesis and Umbrakinesis during Ms. Brooke’s compliment scene. This will hopefully remove the dilemma on whether to increase more of MC’s powers or skills.
  • Enable readers who play female MCs to insert their own feminine form of custom surname while still keeping the MC’s dad surname in masculine form. (see post 140 for more details on this subject)
17 August 2022 (Major Update)
  • Chapter 2 (Part 1 & 2) are updated adding around 55K of new words to the demo.

  • Luka’s Artbreeder portrait in the stats screen under the Character Guide is added.

624 Likes

Hm… well, the question is whether I’d more regret attempting to play a game in which my childhood best friend has a personality I’d absolutely despise, or missing out on a potentially good game.

4 Likes

Oh boy, this title. I thought this was something else. Something that would have been…controversial, to say the least.

@jsc I see you’ve joined just last year. My own account is new but I was a lurker for a long, long time. I just wanna give you a heads up that there’s some history behind that name, and so you may or may not see some other reactions regarding it.

14 Likes

The Italian restaurant in Colorado?

1 Like

Thank you for the heads up! This is still a working title and after seeing your comment, I’ll likely change it in the future then :sweat_smile: I’m not aware of the history or the controversy behind the name. Was there another WIP with the same name before?

6 Likes

There was – one of the earliest WIPs, and overall one of the best regarded of its era, though with some controversy over some of its content. The author had a stab at finishing it a few years back, but I’ve been sad not to see him around in a long time…

19 Likes

The details of the story are just amazing.

10 Likes

I’m liking it so far. I didn’t see many errors; couldn’t even tell you’re not native.

2 Likes

@jsc I’m invested in your story great job and looking forward to seeing more in the future noticed some typos but it didn’t take away from the story at all

7 Likes

I really like the premise and the choice of powers! Keep at it :slight_smile:

4 Likes

Thanks for reminding me…Adamo was so cute…sad that one will probably never be finished now. :crying_cat_face:

4 Likes

This is really good and can’t wait for more. Wished I could’ve met the mother now mainly so I could punch her and lead the killers to her, absolutely loathe her.

13 Likes

By the way will we be able to balance 2 or 3 status?

1 Like

Damn this is really good I can’t wait to read more, good luck with your game :+1:

2 Likes

I really like this. Though I wondering if we will be able to not kill bad guys but more like what batman would do to criminal (AKA break their bones)

4 Likes

This is a very intriguing story so far. It’s also just enough reading to give me detail, but not so much that I found myself skimming/skipping. I am looking forward to the rest of it!

3 Likes

Nice plot. I personally like villainous protagonists with a revenge arc. The story’s pretty good and the pacing is fine. However one of the main concerns is grammar, especially the tense, it seems you’re popping in and out of present and past tense in the same paragraph, even in the same sentence. That works as a huge immersion breaker. I would suggest either proofreading your piece a couple times to get these corrected or if you’re still missing em, put it through a grammar checker.

these are some of em that I managed to catch

















As you can see, there’s quite a few of the tense and a few other grammatical issues, mostly minor but affecting immersion of the story greatly. I definitely did not manage to catch all of em, just a few of em that I managed to get on my first playthrough.

What I liked - Luka, friend RO, killing the goons in the warehouse using the gravity manipulation, that was a clean description, Whitaker’s nonsense.

What I didn’t like - The scenes following Whitaker’s nonsense, especially Dad and MC in principal’s room, that could be more fleshout out, mom bookstore scene, needs more fleshing out, with more attractive abilities like gravity and shadow manipulation, people might not go for the traditional combat/int/cha scheme, so that might seem a bit redundant.

What I’m ambivalent towards - Dad. I know you need to sell the emotional part that connects MC and dad to drive the nail in when he dies, but sometimes it feels slightly overbearing and hyperfocussed when he’s in the scenes. Keeping powers and non-powers and treating em the same way, that seems like a recipe for disaster, although that is more of a lore based doubt.

My greatest suggestion would be to go after the grammar issue first and foremost as it is hampering your immersion greatly.

Keep up the good work🍻

9 Likes

Usually I’m loathe to read yet another urban setting low-fantasy supernatural/superpower IF but I must say, the prose is positively excellent. So far the writing is gripping and engaging, so I’ll keep my ear to the ground on this one. Kudos.

8 Likes

Your English is better than some primary speakers. As mentioned earlier the tense changes a fair bit which is slightly disorienting, but the vocabulary used is pretty exceptional and the dialogue flows very naturally. This is a really cool WIP so far and I wish you good luck on it.

18 Likes

Sounds interesting

1 Like