41

@Rogar Getting upset over this is like you getting upset over people profiling you as a Nazi because you’re German? Exactly! You should get upset if people do that. It’s racist, slanderous and harmful. That kind of stereotyping is completely unacceptable.

42

Am I the only one that broke up laughing over, seeing Jason’s icon, expecting someone to get told off, then seeing what he wrote? Seriously, that is the second time in two days that I’ve dropped by cig from laughing because of this forum.

That said, I agree with Rogar’s point (though not his words). There seems to be little or even no more ‘forward movement’ to this conversation. It’s the same back and forth that does nothing besides add posts to the thread.

43

In regards to better characterization for Gina, perhaps instead of the character’s childhood being one choice, it can be filled with a couple other choices that effect stats and have the player get to know her better, e.g deciding how much money the character earns goes to the household or to the player. Merely spitballing rough ideas.

44

@reaperoa A new slant on things would probably be a good idea . . . How’s about:

Some suggest that it’s simply a matter of switching a few variables and Hey Presto! He becomes She, or vice-versa. I would suggest that these people are, at best, merely typing text–they are not writing a story and embedding a game within that story. Or at least, perhaps not as well as they might achieve, due to constantly having to maintain gender-neutrality, make sure the correct variables are being displayed, etc. Frankly, I find it tough enough without all the extra headache, or maybe that’s just me . . .

As pretentious as it may sound (and I really don’t give a damn), when I write, I am that character: I see what he sees, I feel what he feels, and I try to do my best to convey that in my writing. To take just one example from the little already uploaded:

–

“Who did this, Nick? Just give me the bastard’s name, that’s all I–” You choke off a sob before it unmans you, gritting your teeth in impotent fury, every fibre of your being shaking with pent-up, volcanic rage.

–

Now it ain’t Shakespeare, I know that, but it comes from the heart–from my perspective as a man in that situation. Hell, there’s even a word in there that not only wouldn’t cross genders very well, it’s probably also deeply offensive to the feminists around here because there’s no such word as “unwoman” (so by its very nature can be construed as sexist, no?). But IMO it’s the perfect word to suit that particular character in that particular situation and I have neither the time nor the inclination to rewrite that in a gender-neutral fashion. But above all, I don’t want it to break my flow, to have it take me out of my rhythm, or out of character, and thereby ultimately spoil what I’m writing.

Finally, please don’t anyone come back with 101 ways of how that sentence could be rewritten to suit either gender and / or avoid causing offence. Not only don’t I care, because I’m not changing it, but really, that would just be totally missing (or rather, ignoring) the point I’m making here.

@13ventrm Thanks for the thought-provoking suggestions. I must admit, I’m leaning more and more towards including a “teenage years” piece at the start, both for more of Gina in there along the lines suggested, but also to “refine” your available background choices down to perhaps 3-5 from the original 9. An obvious example would be that if you always avoid the nastier choices early on, you won’t be able to choose “Black Hand Member” (the nastiest character) as a background for the main story, etc. Something along those lines, anyway. Thoughts, anyone?

45

i think that would be much welcomed since it have some kind of history with Gina before her death, and you get to know her better.

46

I say keep all nine just branch then out is right way.

47

Do what you will, you have a lot on your plate as it is with all the choices, I like this too much for it be added to the inummerable games that never get completed.

48

@jasonstevanhill Thanks for that. As I was coding and couldn’t get ${He} to capitalise, I was sure I’d read about a solution somewhere!

49

I think adding in the “Teenage Years” would be a great idea. It allows the player to get to know Gina more, which will definitely alter how some people will choose to play the game. Furthermore the refining will add replayability (because, you know, there obviously wasn’t enough with 9 different background) to the game.
However, as 13ventrm said, it sounds like you already have a lot to do and I would hate from something as spectacular as this be abandoned.

50

There certainly does seem to be general approval for something along those lines, so I will be revisiting the early stages again at some point, to see what can be done with it. We might have to stick with a maximum of nine different backgrounds though. :smiley:

I definitely don’t have any plans to abandon the project–I’m enjoying it far too much for that. Just the challenge of learning new ways to do things with ChoiceScript (and, after much tweaking, getting a particular segment to work the way intended) is tremendously satisfying for someone like me, as I’ve never been able to fully grasp any “proper” programming languages. But this just gets easier with each passing day.

Anyway, I’m fairly close to finishing Chapter One, which is about half of the intended Demo (or about 10% of the planned full game, give or take a bit) so I’m aiming to upload that by maybe Wednesday evening, all being well. I’ll post here when it’s available.

51

UPDATE

The first draft of Chapter One (the first half of the intended Demo) is now complete & has been uploaded. Opinion, suggestions and bug-spotting would be most welcome.

http://www.vendetta1.webs.com/

Possible elusive bug: when you acquire your first legitimate business please keep an eye on your “Modus Operandi” screen a little more frequently and let me know if it ever says you own more than one business but only actually lists one by name. . . This occurred once or twice during testing but never on a normal play-through, only when using my own ‘quick jump’ scripting for specific scene testing, so it may only occur as a result of that extra code and should not normally be a problem (fingers crossed!). Many thanks.

52

This is just fantastic. Great writing. The tone creates a mood which really draws you into the setting, and the wide array of backgrounds and plot branching available even in this tiny demo slice give me high hopes for the replay value of the finished product. Can’t wait to see a more complete version, this is a great start.

53

Man you work fast. Onto business, the post mortem characterization for Gina helps a lot in regards to motivation, the little touches like the safe and such. I quite like the business management, it makes me feel more invested (pardon the pun) in the world of the game. Have yet to encounter any bugs. Quite frankly, I can’t find anything big to criticize, simply a few nitpicks here and there. Keep up the good work, I look forward to more. Perhaps one day Gina’s dream of a high class speakeasy will be fulfilled.

54

This is an amazingly fun and intriguing story. I can’t wait for more!

55

Sooooo good i want more, now :stuck_out_tongue:

56

Thanks guys, I’m glad you like it. It’s good to know I’m on the right track at least as I’m pretty sure my particular style (i.e. more of a story, but hopefully no less of a fun game) won’t appeal to everyone. Finding the right balance is the tough part.

@13ventrm Please don’t hesitate to mention anything at all, no matter how minor. If I’m not aware of it, I’m all the more likely to repeat it. :wink:

I haven’t run the whole thing through a spellchecker yet so feel free to ignore those for now. I’ve spotted one or two of the more obvious ones myself today (“stoney” instead of “stony” and “lose” when I meant “loose” . . . not that a checker would help much with that particular one. Hehe).

57

Well, if you insist. The stats don’t really seem to play much into it so far, save for that one time during the truck job. I’m not too fond of the “vendetta” bars, it’s like those old games that tell you how many chapters they have, kinda takes some suspense out of it. Merely minor complaints, this is top notch stuff you have here.

58

Re: the stats, it’s a fair comment and I agree that where these are used the most early in the story, that use is perhaps a little too subtle to often be noticed except after several replays. For example, some characters will be totally oblivious to the tail. Other major uses are certainly down what are likely to be somewhat less popular Choice routes (such as selling the Poolroom) so also not likely to be often noticed. That said, I’m not offering these examples in way of excuse, only as agreement that I do need to pay more attention to what are likely to be the most popular choices, and perhaps also show more obvious impact here & there. It’s a very valid point–thanks for bringing it up.

The Vendetta bar (only Gina’s murder will use the progress bar style, btw) is an awkward one as I do see your point. On the one hand I wanted to give the player at least some idea of how close they might be to solving the mystery (and perhaps being in a position to act upon that knowledge), but on the other hand it can also be misleading . . . The overall idea is that the more clues you gather and piece together, the closer you come to solving it, and within each chapter it will at some point make a check. If you have gathered enough clues at that time (bearing in mind that the requirement increases for each subsequent chapter) then it will jump out to a special Scene to try for completion of that vendetta, and then jump back if you survive that Scene (and, by definition, complete the vendetta) so you can continue the game.

In effect, avenging Gina’s murder is not only optional (as it won’t be easy!) it’s not actually the ultimate “aim” of the game, nor necessarily the end of it (unless you die). It is intended to be able to be attempted at various points along the way, so that one of your aims / options in the game could be to see just how early you can complete the vendetta–a good Respect bonus, obviously, which can help in other areas of the game–and perhaps to see if you can improve on a previous performance.

I hope that explains its overall purpose a little better.

59

I’ve just played through the demo once and it’s really well written. You set a good scene. I’d agree with the comment about the vendetta’s listed on the stats page - I knew that my sister would die before I started playing because it was listed so soon.
That can easily be fixed by a time delay *if (sister_dead) *show sister_vendetta

Overall, good stuff!

60

Excellent suggestion, thanks. I’ve adjusted it in the next version so the “Vendettas” section on the M.O. won’t appear at all unless / until there is currently a known, unresolved vendetta. In the case of Gina’s murder, that doesn’t happen until you actually view the body in the morgue (i.e. when the first “clue points” are received), so that fits neatly.