Vampire Game on Chooseyourstory


#1

So I’ve decided to try a hand at writing, and I’ve started a Chooseyourstory game based on COG’s Choice of the Vampire. While it draws on some similarities (namely the time-period) I chose this not to copy them but because it’s the one I felt most comfortable working with at the time. This being my first go-round I’d like to know if a few people would like to try it out before I go any further with it and tell me what they think. I’ve got a bit done, and although it doesn’t offer the same versatility as a Choicescript game, I don’t find it too bad and would like to hear yall’s opinions.


#2

Me!!!


#3

Haha okay, if you enjoy give me some feedback on your choices would ya?


#4

me


#5

Messaged the link to both of you, should work. I’m adding more of it as we speak, although I should be getting off soon, I have work in 5 hours, and I’ve had little sleep


#6

I too would like to read what you’ve come up with so far and tell you my thoughts and such.


#7

Link’s sent, any feedback you have you can message me or post in here, I’m gonna stay up a little while longer to get some more writing done.


#8

me


#9

I would like to read it


#10

I would LOVE to read what you’ve got RockBou!!! :smiley:


#11

I want to try it out


#12

I want to do


#13

ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME


#14

I will try it as well. What are the vampires like? Are they allergic to the sun? Can they eat food and hve sex?


#15

I was originally going to do private messages to everyone because I thought there’d only be a few interested but I’ll just post the link here.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/viewer/default.aspx?StoryId=12968


#16

And as far as feedback goes what did you like about it? What path did you choose? What didn’t you like? Grammar Errors (I’ve already corrected a few) etc. You can either send me a message or post it here.


#17

So far I have no reason to post but I read the 2 page(The one after you pick who you where) and I pick a holy person and I just love how you made it


#18

@RockBou Can I just say you’re FREAKING amazing! I’m so happy to see another vampire game up lol! I’ll do my feed back in segments lol first here is some grammar mistakes I noticed.

 Needed corrections (mostly grammar)
  1. On the intro page god should be God.

  2. Second paragraph of page two: Sadly that was not the case for you should have a semi colon after it instead of a comma

  3. Third paragraph: find it hot to touch should have semi colon instead of a comma as well.

  4. You’re a lone predator now… does not need a comma

  5. Who don’t attract much attention… needs a semi colon instead

  6. As does Use your time wisely…

  7. Vampire Info page: THE SUN: for Halfling its needs to be it’s

  8. GARLIC: strong senses needs a semi colon after it

  9. WATER: with water also needs a semi colon

  10. HALFLING: only those who’s should be whose


#19

Thank you I’ve been trying to get them all but I’ve had a hard time catching them.


#20

Your welcome! :slight_smile: Most are just minor grammar mistakes. If possible just post everything in a word doc and review it all. I’ll finish feedback tommorrow on the game itself!