Thanks for bringing this to my attention. I am not getting the error myself, but I recall shifting around a few variables in the file for neatness after the update, so I have uploaded the new file in hopes that whatever I did had unknowingly countered this error. If it’s still not fixed, let me know.
Thanks 
Hello, I’ve gotten up to the Marcus Race, major update from the last, incredible work and good on you. Beautiful structure on writing, use of language on the characters and an intriguing story! Congratulations on having the wit and will to even accomplish writing an IF story, props to you.
As for the main point of this comment, a few gender mistakes, then a few critiques/suggestions from my view:Character is implied to be a woman, my character is a man.Pronouns for my MC should be his, him and he’s Same issue here.
As for my personal critiques, could just be a fog in my brain due to recent sickness, and just general tiredness, but, parts of the story seem very redundant to the point of me contemplating skipping scenes. Specifically in the many, many, school scenarios that feel repetitive, I believe it’s caused by the effort to bring worldbuilding in being so bam, bam, bam, no break with no real glue and story of it’s own really takes away from trying to be immersed and captivated by the story, I hope I’m getting my point across - sort of like unavoidable NPC side quests or long tutorials that are words only. And this seems to drag so much in the story it actually made me forget we’d started off with a MC that’d been leaked of clear memory and lost their connection with ‘the void’, or in other words the main character seems like side character, due to the amount of filler noise which isn’t ideal for any story but is a very hard balance especially when it comes to fantasy stories.
Another ‘critique’ this is more of a suggestion, is it possible to add something that indicates, preferably early on, that Link is straight? A few parts in the story feel like I’m being seen as a lady when I’d chosen to be a sir. I’m gay, so I was more inclined to go for Link out of the options given, there’s no acknowledgement of sexuality from what I currently know, not sure if same-sex marriages are seen in a predominately certain light in this world, so I was under the illusion I could romance Link, reading your comment explained why he was so hard to show interest in. Is it possible to add a line that makes it clear Link isn’t into the same sex, this would also be, at the same time, an immersive point by noticing sexuality, how he says it or how it’s bought up also says a lot, while making it clear he’s straight. Something like “oh, aren’t you a man” or “sorry, not into guys”, how he says it could be influenced by his perception of it, most likely reflecting the stance of this area the stories currently set in. I hope I’m making sense, I am tired as hell so I apologies for any misunderstandings, please let me know if you’d like clarification on anything.
That’s all from me, will be sticking around, keep up the great work. Massive props once more, hope all is well, much love <3
Ah, I reckon I forgot to implement a variable check. You aren’t even supposed to get these scenes as a male MC.
This is quite valid and something I myself did notice. This is intentional, the reasonf for which is supposed to be revealed in the next arc, but I do also realise that the intentionality not coming across means I am not handling it well, and I plan to rework that, but just not now. I don’t wish to fall into the rewriting trap. After the next arc (which is supposed to serve as the ‘tying plot points together’ arc), I will consider introducing some internal thoughts and scenes which intentionalises the side charcater thing as a deliberate plot point.
This, I reckon, may stem from the introduction spiraling far longer than I had anticipated. Everything up to the Festival falls into the introductory arc. All these structural fallacies are something I plan to address, but only after the next arc.
Although, I do believe an important distinction is that: this is first and foremost a character-driven romance story, and later an epic fantasy.
Hm, well, in a romance game, isn’t an abundance of character interactions better, or no?
It is mentioned in his intro.
This is a very logical point, and I am willing to implement it, though I do fear we may get a case of presentism, becuase he is not going to go “Sorry, I am not into men”, he is going to very visibly be disgusted at any attempts of flirtation towards him from a male MC. We have to keep in mind he is akin to a 19th century noble in a world where affinities are held in bloodlines. We don’t really address this for other ROs because then I’d have to either straight-lock them (except perhaps I and F) or write 8 romances instead of 4 (If you get what I mean), which is why I only focus on story-based reasoning for him being straight exclusive (which there is, but not to be revealed soon), instead of social norms. But well, I suppose, you, as a gay man yourself, could elaborate how you believe you would take it? Because I personally think presentism is very likely to occur
Ah, no issues. On the contrary, I offer gratitude for bringing this stuff to my attention. Having the benefit of context (knowing why things are the way they are) often makes me blind to information gaps and unconvincing intentionality in the actual game, so yes, thanks for taking the time to write about such issues.
For my type of romance and from what I’ve read, interactions are much more impactful when earned, as well as blended in quite well with the story itself. I won’t lie, the romance scenes are very lovely to read but I’m more leaning towards the actual class scenes when I say ‘unavoidable NPC side quests or long tutorials’, not the romances themselves. More so, how the story jumps quite a bit, by ‘jump’ I mean no tension building, if felt this most when ‘the void’ attacked the field, it felt more disorienting then horror inducing as horror is tension, then the reaction at the end was also leading me blind sighted - up till that point there wasn’t a build up on the MC’s relationship with this void and so I was lost by the sudden switch and then it went jumped onto another scene altogether, with no mention of the outburst, no time to digest the whole thing, not even from the MC themselves - and so it made it have the effect of feeling ‘dismissed’ instead of a lingering tension that we’re a sort of loose cannon.
Oh, shit, not sure if I missed it, my apologies if so. Kind of just assumed he was a RO for all genders. May I get the line where this is bought up? I could’ve just been foggy that day.
Oh don’t worry at all, I would expect such reactions, I love extra/less pieces of dialogue, weather it be negative, neutral or positive, and from what I’ve heard so do other LGBTQ+ players. And now you’ve mentioned your story is inspired by the history, I’d love to bring up I adoreeee when historical If’s take the time to include such things as it really livens up the whole thing and makes it feel like choices really do matter. Best current historical IF WIP’s that do this beautifully imo is: Your One Moment, Season of Shadows and, I’m pretty sure, The Brightest of Stars.
Ah, I didn’t know it was a romance-first, quite happy about that myself, I am a sucker for romance (who’d of thought). I assumed it wasn’t due to the lack of choices available, I’m fairly certain for now all I’ve got is Firuz, if I don’t want to skimp out on the romance aspect, makes the main plot feel outweighed by the subplot, if your going for same-sex.
Your very welcome and thank you for taking it so graciously, hopefully this cleared up a few of my points. Splendid work, congrats again on this milestone in your story, (p.s. I absolutely live for the extra dialogue when character designing) Once more, hope all is well and much love to you <3
Tbh, it was supposed to be disorienting, but not disorienting in a confusing way, but more like in a sense of mystique, but well, I do have a way of giving more context beforehand. I will see if I wish to include that now or later in the broader edit after the next arc.
Perhaps you are confusing the Endless Mist with the Void? While it’s true the Endless Mist is related to the Void, they are two different things with their own wills. The MC’s relationship with both of them is a very endgame concept, but well, I will see if there is a way to provide more context beforehand. That scene was only meant to serve as an introduction to the Endless Mist, the first of many.
This was intentional tho. The Eye of the World did, in all fairness, simply dismiss it. That was the point of the scene—that the World doesn’t condone the MC interacting with its stories.
It’s in the ROs section before starting the book. As in “Note:- This character is only romanceable by a female MC”
Alright then, I will include that when I go back to that scene.
Hm yeah, I prefer making more defined characters and giving more interactions with them than having a lot. It does limit the choices, but I believe it enhances the ones provided.
Ah lmfao, I remember I wrote all that when I was still learning choicescript. Never took it out because of attachment.
Oh wow, that’s really interesting. I’m excited to see where it goes, and how that comes together and is exposed later on into the story, quite unique! I suppose my main issue of ‘repetitive’ worldbuilding introduction by way of the classes seemed to of taken up so much of the space, as filler and noise as I called it, it left little room for the thought of ‘oh, this might be expanded upon’ and instead lead me to the direction of ‘oh, that was a bit random; where’s the lingering on this phenomenon?’ when we’re already so deep into the length of the story currently. If ykwim?
That explains why I never saw it, I didn’t read the starting parts of the story to avoid spoilers, I do It a lot, the surprise in blissfulness is always so lovely to me with any media really, to the point spoilers make me consider avoiding it altogether (fault of mine not yours).
Suppose I can understand that, just unusual to me personally when romance is the main plot. But, I digress, will live for a well done romance, even if it’s limited.
Attachment leads to greatness, probably not a good life lesson but in this case, bang on. Suppose that’s all my critiques, keep up the great work and hope it all is smooth sailing. Thank you very much for listening and taking the time to see were I’m coming from while also explaining to me bit’s and pieces of your own blessed creation, hope I could’ve been of help while giving you a few ideas, and of course, much love <333
@moderators My post seems to have been edited without consent? Can you please look into that and reverse the changes?
Indeed I get what you mean. The preconceptions do start from the first page and stick till the end. I follow a storytelling structure commonly found in games and older character-driven epic fantasies where you have a bunch of storylines related to different characters and they all amalgamate into a single one to form the main plot (which is why this thing gonna require a player to play through all 4 of the ROs’ storylines for the ‘best experience’). This sort of structure is inherently slow-paced.
Indeed you have been! Getting a reader’s well-articulated perspective on one’s creation is always a delight, so indeed I offer much gratitude for that.
Do you know what specifically changed?
I have reversed the changes myself, but I will PM you the screenshots.
Trying to romance Link feels like slamming your head against a brick wall over and over again, yet you still come back because there’s a CHANCE it’ll break 
I understand his thought processes, it’s realistic (esp since as far as anyone knows only one of the candidates will survive,) but at the same time it huuurts. I hope the princess turns him down extremely harshly, pff. I also greatly enjoyed letting him be chased by mushroom monsters to vent some of my frustations lol
I must say, I greatly enjoyed writing that too lmfao.
Delighted to hear that. It will only get worse. (I am not a sadist believe me).
Hiiii! I wanted to make a lil post about what i think about this story so far, I hope you dont mind~
So far I liked so much the premises, the lore is interesting as it’s the world building!
I also love how awkward MC is and how blank they can be, the inn part when they are going to order was peak ngl xDD
But if there’s something i feel a bit disappointed about is how there are 4 RO, only one male and that one is straight meanwhile all the girls can romance everyone is a bit… I mean I would totally understand if also the girls has some kind of impediment to romance them, like one of them being also straight/gay, since there are more of them, but only the guy has that.
I read in one of your comments that if Link was straight it was also because of his family; being from the nobility, he had a more traditional way of thinking (iirc). But by that same logic, Aiza also comes from a wealthy and ancient family, but that doesn’t apply to her, right?
And the other guy is gender selectable, so is not written with male perspective in mind but in a most ambiguous way so it can be seen as boy or female and even then, they do not appearing in the story in a long time except for some scenes here and there, so if your mc is male and gay he is fucked or if you don’t really like him, then your only option is to drop the story or play it without romance (idk if you can do it) XD
I guess the principal problem of this is you are selling the story as “romance heavy” one, a story where the love interest are core, but then you block it for some very specific people is a pity 
Some errors/incongruences (?)i found!
If I may, your writing is good, but sometimes your paragraphs are too big and that makes them more difficult to read and sometimes I needed to start all over because I lost the focus
Another thing is how you can feel attraction to practically all female teachers but not even one male teacher (tbh i don’t want to feel attraction to any teacher LMAO BUUUT I can see why other people would) is this cause my mc is a male and then female mc feels attraction to male teachers?
When you are entering into the academy and you choose Link’s path, even if you don’t introduce yourself later he can introduce you to Aiza I guess he can found your name even before you came to the academy?
Ps there isnt any text about Link’s fruit savour?
You can have a crush on the sword instructor Knight if you challenge him (and then get clobbered in front of everyone haha,) it’s a funny moment I personally love for my character. “I’ll become a knight for you Link!” and then gets wrecked so hard they develop a new crush
Really??? Damn, now i want to see it lmao, the thing is since MC wanted to become a knight for a ro, and i thonk you need to be female to do it with Link i didn’t try it LMAO
Yo, with how little story I have given so far, didn’t expect anyone to say this lmfao, but well, you have my gratitude.
This is perhaps a misunderstanding? I never stated Link being femaleMC-locked is because of his status. If you mean my reply to the user Cyber, I stated that if we acknowledge the social bias of the World by having him comment on a maleMC flirting with him, then we will have to consider the implications of his lineage. This would also extend to Aiza IF we acknowledge it, but that’s the neat part: we do not (lmfao). Him being straight-locked is for story reasons, not due to the social norms or anything. Those story reasons will be revealed in due time to an MC on his route.
You actually physically can’t right now. I am still on the fence about an entirely non-romance route because then, the purpose of the story would remain unaccomplished.
So, umm, you may not believe this, but F being gender selectable is low-key acknowledged in the lore. I will not spoil how, but just keep in mind it’s not merely a stylistic choice but actually makes sense within the story itself.
To be fair, I refuse to take personal responsibility for this. I made a character, put him in a world, gave him a backstory, and now that backstory shapes his personality and motivations in such a way as to make him straight-locked. If I remove that restriction, we are not left with the same person anymore, and I personally am not willing to do that just to cater to a larger audience. As for why not add another RO, I have talked about this before but creating an entirely new character just for the sake of filling in a specific check mark is going to be disastrous both for the story and the character themselves.
I edit and play on PC where the screen is wider than the mobile, which I reckon makes my ‘medium-sized paragraphs’ absolute walls of texts for the average reader 
. Thanks for bringing this to my attention. I will look into doing a comparative edit on mobile.
Indeed, they both have knowledge about you beforehand, but they aren’t supposed to show it, so I will add a variable for a seperate introduction.
There is not? I will look into it.
Anyhow, thanks for sharinyour perspective. Have a good day/night!
Idk why the things about “stories" as something tangible who shapes the being looks interesting (for example during the mist scenes, where Mc said they dont have any story) or the world as a conglomeration of stories (I don’t know if that was your intention, but that’s how I see it xD) reminds me a bit of Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint, maybe that’s why I’m so hyped. Then, in over 200k words, I think there’s something to draw on in terms of the world, especially considering there are some culture clashes with F
Sure, no one is telling you otherwise, it is your story, what im telling you is if you want a gay romance you must like F or you wont be able to play the game, but this happens only with gay male mc, female gay? 3 RO, bi female? All characters, straight guy? 3 ro, bi male? 3 ro, gay male? 1, this will mean that many people won’t read the story, which is a shame.
What’s more, if you want to make all the characters a certain way, with a certain sexuality, etc., that’s your right as the author, but the problem isn’t in that “restriction” but in the fact that that person is the only one who has it.
It’s usually in the parts more lore heavy so that’s even “worse" since i feel like im losing context when it happens
Again I hope nothing I say is taken the wrong way, because that’s not my intention at all. Maybe I’m feeling a bit more frustrated because I’m really enjoying the lore. Oh, and before I forget, I wonder if you’ll be able to “get revenge” on any of the characters in the future. For example, I still haven’t forgotten (and I never will) how awful Link can be (spreading rumors if you tell him he treats A badly, using MC as a distraction during sword practice, among other things). Or will it be like in other stories where characters can be mean to MC, but it’s all forgotten by the next scene?
