Unknown (WIP), Please Assist!

Hey guys! I’ve started working on a game… it doesn’t have a name yet. I have loved writing since I was younger, but am not sure if I have the potential (or the skill) to be writing a game for the Hosted Games label. I’m an amateur, a noob, a rookie- ALL OF THAT!

Please give my demo a chance! Let me tell you about it.

In the long run, the game is about a group of assassins who are threatening to kill people affiliated with the government. Once they make their first move, the towns start plunging into chaos (robberies, murders, fights, etc) and you basically are gonna be introduced to some people and choose how to survive with/without them.

It’s basically like 1% done. The game starts out the day before the accident occurs, so you shouldn’t expect a heavy interactive story yet. I’m trying to find some ways to draw people in to my story before they give it up, and I don’t know if I am having a good time doing that.

Play time now should be ~15 to 30 minutes. Please tell me what you think!

Thanks!!

UPDATE: The stats screen is now working!

To play the demo, go here: http://dl.dropbox.com/s/tmfm0307wjz5itb/Unknown.html?dl=0

UPDATE: Dashingdon link: https://dashingdon.com/play/ttay21/unknown/mygame/

39 Likes

Play again button is broken.
Also, any reason as to why you’ve decided against using Dashingdon?

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story make what to read more love this all hard work put in to it

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Hey, hope you do it great with it. I am not a gret writer (if I can can even call myself one), but I also want to make a game and actually I am just thinking about the story and what to write about since I want it to be original. Like what you have writed until now and I want to support you and your work so if there is anything I can help with like grammar correction or something know I am here to help.

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Could you upload to dashingdon? I’d like to give this a try, but I only have a phone rn and can’t access that file

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You can still access the file as I think it’s downloaded as a HTML. I still do suggest changing to Dashingdom.

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Honestly? It’s not bad, in fact it’s quite good. I think/hope it’s going to be a great story, if you keep putting effort into it. Looking forward to your next update!

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I love this game it was good read hope you keep working on it and this game feel like collier x malice

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I like your style of writing, it’s not choppy, it’s smooth and easy to read and get immersed without shaking my head at any wonky grammatical errors. And the story is interesting so far, can’t wait to see what happens. Also, when Ma’ is asking us what we want to eat, there are no quotation marks.

And it might just be me, but when you asked for my name, I thought you were asking for my brother’s. Maybe just how fast I read sometimes, or maybe it was just truly confusing. I’ll leave that to general consensus to decide. But I think it’s a pretty good job so far, especially for a first attempt. Good luck and I can’t wait to see where this goes from here.

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Just read through the demo. It is indeed very short but the writing was nice and the interactions seemed genuine enough.

Spoilers:

The one issue that I have is that if the player and their brother haven’t seen their mother in twelve years (especially since she left them when they was only five and the brother was a baby), it seems extremely unlikely that they’d simply recognize her from her looks. It is mentioned that the player looks like their mother but I do not think it’s realistic enough that a person who saw their mom for the last time when they were only five would recognize her in a crowded place, and the brother would be completely clueless as to how she looks. Unless they’ve seen her recent pictures and such, of course, but that isn’t mentioned anywhere.

Anyways, that was the only issue with the demo I have so far. I would also suggest (like many others) to move the demo over to Dashingdon, since it is far easier to access. All the best for future updates!

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Hey! I just learned about Dropbox from the choicescript tutorial. I was unaware of another engine, but thank you for letting me know!

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Thanks a bunch! When I have a better demo, more like a full chapter or so, I will definitely ask for grammatical help.

Thanks for reaching out, and best of luck for your own project!

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I’ll definitely upload to dashingdon. I just learned about it above. Sorry about that!

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Thanks for your kind words! I hope to have a full chapter out the next time I update. I hope you give it a chance then, and remember, no holds barred when giving feedback!

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Thanks a lot! I’ll go ahead and fix those quotation mark errors.

I’ll try to ask for the character’s name in a smoother way. Hope that helps!

Thanks a bunch!

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Hey! I just learned about Dropbox from the choicescript tutorial. I was unaware of another engine, but thank you for letting me know! I’ll change it to that!

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Wow that got me really interested very quickly and it’s in short burst of words not explaining every single thing going on in a part of the story that isn’t necessary, or at least I haven’t noticed if you have. As a bit of advice as a reader of alot of these try not to make the brother annoying make it so we care alot about him and anything that happens to him. The stuff that happened with the mom is…something for the imagination lol so I hope it’s explained what the heck happened. Mabye add a little more to the making of your character but it’s not really necessary to be honest. All in all this was a very very good and interesting demo for this story and I can’t wait to read more. And along with this being your first story this is my first time replying to one of these with my opinion because I see the ground work for a really interesting story and I hope you achieve what you want in this and I hope for the best for you.

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I don’t think you are noob you did great job I think you have great skill make story people what read it

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I wish you good luck on what you have plan no matter what you plan for this and us

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The game totally has me interested but I can’t play because I’m on a iPhone and Dropbox doesn’t work on it. Could you please upload to Dashingdon?

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