Trial of the Demon Hunter: Part One- book one of Demons Among Men (WIP)


#1

I’m proud to announce that I finally have a demo up for Trial of the Demon Hunter: Part One! The finished gamebook will span over 500,000 words, but the demo is just over 3,000 words. This is because Trial of the Demon Hunter is mainly combat based, and therefore it’d be hard to find a good stopping point beyond the end of this demo without showing you too much. That being said, this still should give you a feel of my writing style and the plot.

The cover art is displayed in the demo, but the other illustrations are not, so I will post the images down below along with the link to my game (I have 12 illustrations total, but only 6 finished at the moment, though I will post the remainder of them as they come). Basically I’d like to know what you guys think of the game and the illustrations, if there are any coding errors you encounter, what you think could be better, and if you spot any grammar or spelling mistakes. Now, on to the game!

In the game, you play as a demon hunter (or huntress) who is essentially a benevolent bounty hunter (like the medieval version of a detective), and you are accompanied by your boggart (a shape shifting imp) companion. I’d rather show you then tell you, so for now I’ll just tell you that the plot follows your adventures as a hunter of the dark. And, yes, @MaraJade, you can be evil to an extent. Enjoy!

Here are the illustrations

And here is the link to the gamebook!

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/220021851/web/index.html


#2

@spyfox259 and @Marajade
The book is mainly combat based so I felt it was necessary to tell you everything about your arsenal because it’s very important, but if you guys really feel that strongly about it I can add a choice somewhere in there.

I fixed the 404 error! It should be working now, so you should be able to finish it without any errors.

@Beezlebub
I’m glad you like it!


#3

I love you!


#4

This is great! However, I disliked the wall of text about what you carry. I would prefer something less wordy. Does the demo end with picking a type of greande because I got a 404 error after that.


#5

^Same.


#6

terrible wall of text i had to use all my will to actually read text and not just skip to choice


#7

Oh Mara…


#8

I think it would be better if we got to choose some of our equipment. And no problem!


#9

@Beezlebub
You do. You get to choose your type of grenade, and then later there are so many occasions where you can gain more equipment. Remember, this is just 6 out 1000 pages of my book.

For example, it’s possible to gain 6 daggers, fire accelerate, a magical pendant, vials of poison, marble grenades, a collapsible razor edged shield, 5 elemental potions, mythril armor, spiked brass knuckles, and gold.


#10

@Samuel_H_Young Thanks, that is a good finish!

Also I forgot to mention that the art looks really good! Is it yours?


#11

@spyfox259
Yeah it’s short but I thought it left you wanting more and gave you a pretty good idea of how the book and my writing style is. Do you think so?

and thanks! Technically it is mine, since it’s going into my book, but the illustrator is Werner Mueck.


#12

Have you fixed the 404 error?


#13

@Samuel_H_Young
It does make me want more! Will there be more on the way? I like the writng style other than the wall of text. It made me start thinking of something else and I zoned for like 5 minutes staring blankly at the screen. Just splitting it into two or as I said lighten it and I’ll be happy. A choice would be good to.

Well all the same the art is great.

@Beezlebub It’s working for me. So yes


#14

^Same.


#15

Well i probably dont buy this, not until heard feedback from people.

The equipment sector is just annoying, you portrait character directly as benevolent i want choose my character personality, no poison grenades, i even cant custom my imp or change his name. I have to save people i dont care, i couldn’t really personalize anything appart name and gender. Nor personality, nor anything i could care type of grenade dont count.
its well written and in battle good flow but the story itself, seem lack of real choices. I dont wanna be benevolent, not at all


#16

I think you need to add poison daggers to win Mara over. :wink:


#17

I think it’s a really good start to an interesting story, just one tiiiiiiny little thing: it said

Though it is written in Latin, that is no barrier to you for you are a man of great knowledge and have an affinity for a plethora of languages.

It’s great but… I was a lady of great knowledge.

I was surprised though, I didn’t pick up on any spelling or grammar problems, you can tell you’ve put in a lot of time in it. Keep up the good work


#18

finally a game about demon


#19

@Beezlebub
One of the witches uses poisoness daggers but I’m not gonna do the whole “kill everybody with poison, use sex appeal to kill people, use evil charisma to kill people” thing. I’m not gonna let her dictate my book.

@Dark_Bear2899
Ahhh thanks for pointing that out:P I’ll definitely fix that. And thanks:D I work on this tirelessly 40 hours a week so I’m glad you can tell.

@MaraJade
If you expect this to be something where you can go around torturing and assassinating people, this definitely isn’t for you because that’s not what my book is about what so ever. And trust me, how you look hardly matters what so ever in this book so you’re basically fussing over trivialities and irrelevancies. Like I said above, you’ve seen less than 3,000 out of 500,000 words of my book so I don’t know how you can believe that you don’t get to pick your personality- instead of choosing your attributes through an annoying survey, I actually let you put your money where your mouth is and show me what they are. Your courage/intelligence/morality/stealth/relationship with Beckham is effected with almost every choice. And it’s a pretty weird request for you to want me to give you the choice of naming non player characters. That’s a new one.

@darkstar2101
Yepp:P plenty of demonic aspects in here.

And it looks like you guys have reached a consensus that you want the wall text to be supplemented with a choice, so I’ll get on that.


#20

olno I don’t expect torturing I expect could choose being arrogant, sekfish kindly. No you can’t choose that you set my personality descriving how I feel is MY CHARACTER, you are this and that yu believe this and that.Why don’t let player choose? there is no freedom in demo. And I only could valore what I read a wall of test without real choices or customitation. put flavor choices without themi just read a book not a GAME book