Hey, absolutely love this game! I’m a huge fan comics, anime, and especially the Power Rangers! I was just wondering about the fight with Akira. While I enjoyed the way you mixed exposition with a high stakes battle, I felt that I didn’t get enough interaction with Ryu prior to that encounter.
While I do love the ere of mystery you give him as a character, I feel a little more interaction with him (like fighting side by side with him, or fighting against him again; or even more outside of fighting and the “hostage” situation) that’d give that big reveal a larger pay off. You do give a lot of time skips in the story, maybe you can slow that down a bit and give more character interactions? Not just with Ryu, but maybe with Sammy and a couple of the others? Because while we get a good picture of most of the characters and their motivations, we don’t really get that with Ryu. Again I’m aware of the whole mystery and the big payoff in the Akira fight, but I still feel we need a little more to define Ryu and the PC’s relationship for the impact to really hit the reader. I also think we need a little more time with the PC’s other friends and I think that can be done in many ways, but one thing nagging at me is their families.
Sammy’s (and I think Anara’s as well) family needs to be more defined in the story. Like for one thing, I had no idea Sammy had gay parents. The first time the PC meets Sammy’s moms is in the crisis, and we get no real interaction or sense of their personalities during or after the crisis. I know that may sound trivial, but a good sense of who Sammy’s parents are and how he interacts with them can really help add to his character.
And then there’s Anara’s father. We know nothing about him outside him being the principal and then the twist during the crisis. After I found out it was shocking, but I’d feel itd be more shocking if again, his character were more defined in the story and the PC had some interaction with him sometime before the crisis, like maybe at the school fair or something. I feel like getting a sense of who he is (or who is alias is) as a person would make the reveal even more shocking and as devestating for the player as it is for Anara.
Now back to the visions in the Akira fight, I feel like the bulk of them should be happening while you’re fighting Akira, rather than a little during, and then the whole exposition on the twins after. Because I feel like the shift between the fighting and the literal interior struggle with Akira and Ryu should be more of a back and forth, rather than one immediately following the other. I think an interesting way to do it would be a hit on the Akira monster, than flash into the dreamscape and the picnic, then flash back to reality, fight again, dreamscape, and repeat until after you beat Akira and find out about Ryu’s big motive. It may sound a tad difficult and convoluted to write, but you seem to show a knack for jumping from one setting to the next and back with the whole near death experience after Ultimator.
This story is easily one of the best CoGs I’ve read in a long time, and I really can’t wait to see this finished! Sorry for the huge wall of critiques, but I think you really got something here and story needs to be the best it can be!