Totem Force [Updated 26/04/17]

super-powers
nonbinary-inclusive
gender-choice

#2432

Filthy. Pathetic. Twisted. How dare you not conform to the moral standards of @ParrotWatcher!


#2433

Forgive me, Lord @ParrotWatcher.

I have failed thee.


#2434

Nothing wrong with that. :smile: (Unless you’re @Dark_Stalker, that is. ;P)

“Tot” is the total number of boosts to the stats that you’ve got. There should be 50 in all, although not all are easy to find, and I was wondering if anyone had found them all. (If they’re too hard to get, I might make them easier.)


#2437

Great so far, and honestly I can’t wait for more!
Darkness = 5. Will = 36. Empathy = 28. Intellect = 76.

Tot = 50.


#2438

First playthrough: darkness 8
Second playthrough: darkness 9
Maybe on the third I’ll get to 10


#2439

Oh. I got all of them.


#2440

Okay, 've read through the update now :grin:

I also really need to give you the full code-reader treatment… it will happen (unless a meteor hits my house)… just be patient :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

Anyway, stats…

Please report these value to the author:

Darkness = 0. Will = 10. Empathy = 38. Intellect = 78.

Tot = 36.

I have a low tot :disappointed:

Oh, and the proofreader in me would like to point out “these value” :innocent:

Comments…

So, I really liked the character reveal in the backstory vision that Ryu was the one who kept up the idealistic hope that their father would return. It just gives me a lot of feelings for the character :hugs: and it’s the kind of reveal that I wouldn’t’ve seen coming, but really resonates with the character and adds depth. And then the speech that Ryu gives to Akira—and that Akira gives back to Ryu—that was really effective and moving. :sob:

And yes, “frink” seems like an accurate assessment of the situation at the end of the chapter :fearful:

[details=Proofready Stuff]

So, I can see it making sense to refer to Akira-monster as “it” before you realize it’s a frinking human, but I’d suggest switching to consistent “they” after you recognize them. You do eventually switch, but you still have a few its before you do. (Around here “Rounding the corner, you see it standing in the middle of the road, surrounded by soldiers:”)

You see visions of your father, Ryu, clothed in chains of shadow, and screaming in agony.

I’m having some difficulty with parsing this sentence. Are you saying that you see “your father and Ryu, both of whom are clothed in chains of shadow and both of whom are screaming in agony”? Or just Ryu is clothed in chains of shadow and screaming in agony? Anyway, this could be clearer. An and might suffice :thinking:

This is pretty high on the nitpicky side, but I’m noticing some inconsistency in dashes, specifically that you’re sometimes using en dashes and sometimes em dashes (and in “–abject helplessness -” in chapter12_2.txt, you have a hyphen). For the dash usages you’ve been using, you want em dashes :smiley: (unless British punctuation is different :confused: )

Before you can speak she continues. “You’ll be getting a call now. The first of two. I suggest you take it.”

“What?”

I wasn’t 100% sure who says “what” here. I think it makes most sense if it’s the MC, since she’s speaking to them, but Kay was the person with the previous line of dialog, so just following the conversational flow, it would follow that she’s the default person to be speaking there, so… so this would read more easily if you include a dialog tag, is what I’m saying in an unnecessarily wordy manner :stuck_out_tongue: [/details]


#2441

My latest stats after reading the update:
Intelligence=62 Will= 64 Darkness= 30 Empathy= 12

I’m curious, is there a path for darkness?


#2442

We use the en-dash. :unamused: I’ve only ever used em-dashes for cutting off speech.

(But, yeah, that hyphen is definitely wrong; all dashes look alike in Notepad++ and that was before I got CSIDE…)

Well, I just thought that it was such a non-sentence that it probably didn’t matter who said it…

Not exactly, but certain options will only be available for people with higher or lower darkness, and certain effects will be different, too.


#2443

Effects only, so, no ending to become a fallen hero or something? Okay, I’m cool with that, I could always imagine ‘what could have been’ scenarios. :wink:

[quote=“ParrotWatcher, post:2442, topic:15440”] Not exactly, but certain options will only be available for people with higher or lower darkness, and certain effects will be different, too.
[/quote]


#2444

I believe you wanted these numbers…?

Darkness = 0. Will = 14. Empathy = 80. Intellect = 46.

Tot = 50.

I really enjoy this story and though I am but a quiet observer, please know I am cheering on the inside for you!

Keep up the good work :slight_smile:


#2445

As I said, certain “options” and “effects” will depend on darkness. Some of these may lead to different endings.


#2446

Oh, while were still in this topic, I have to ask…can we have a high relationship (90+) with Kay yet still net the ‘protagonist journey to villain’ (if there is one, if not, something that have the same tone) ending?


#2447

reply[quote=“ParrotWatcher, post:2445, topic:15440”]As I said, certain “options” and “effects” will depend on darkness. Some of these may lead to different endings.[/quote]

Thanks for clarifying that, honestly, I was being shy to ask(cause you might find me annoying) so I did it with a subtle approach.


#2448

So the vivisection and blackmailed by the mob endings are darkness 50+ or does my main mc with his high 20’s to low 30’s have to fear them as well? :thinking:


#2449

Great, yet another British conspiracy to render my proofreading knowledge useless :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

It doesn’t exactly change anything, no, but it did distract me when I was reading, because I was like “wait, who said that? :confused:

I don’t know if that’s just because of my hypersensitivity to these kinds of things, or if other people would be distracted too :thinking:


#2450

I don’t know how low a darkness you’d have to have to get that… :thinking: If you manage 30+ darkness and still have a very good relationship with Kay, I might have to write a scene specifically for that outcome.

The cutoff point is 20. :unamused: (Joke. ;P) I’m not going to give people “bad” endings based only on their darkness, although a high darkness does mean that it might be easier to get a bad ending. I’ll try to make it quite hard, even then, though. Admittedly, this is for your MC; it’ll be far easier for other characters to get bad endings when you have a high darkness…

Well, let’s just say it was Akira… :grin:


#2451

Aw, and here I was hoping the cutoff would be a single point of darkness :innocent:

For a brief moment, I misread that as you saying “your MC” as in @idonotlikeusernames’s MC specifically :laughing: I guess you’ll have special rules for him :grin:


#2452

Like the cutoff point of 20 darkness, right? :roll_eyes: How would he even code for that if forumhandle=idonotlikeusernames or something? :thinking:

How the heck did you manage that!? :astonished: Don’t you get a few points already for simply not being accommodating to Lani’s every whim?


#2453

reading all discussion really tortured me… and someho (thanks save system) i manage to reach the date part (eventhough i have to restart the ancient laptop many times just so it could open the browser for around >5 minutes (including the not responding sh-t)… and damn Ryu is too cute its quite a shock and plus point when i see that “playing with child” scene :heart_eyes: , and the last part of the date when he beg for more… d-mn im melting inside :rofl:… im glad i try to endure not dating anyone til i reach that dating scene with ryu, i try Chi and i cant bring my MC to pursue him… cant try Anara, Kay, and sammy though as i had enough with the laptop crashing at that moment… sorry Phil for abandoning you when you need someone to console you with your ‘guilty’ moment :cold_sweat:

will try to reach the updated part later, and from @TSSL post, i know i would like it… :wink:

can’t typo hunting though as it’s really a struggling for me just for getting through every scenes… now i can sleep peacefully… :relieved: (or not really) :rofl: