Okay, 've read through the update now
I also really need to give you the full code-reader treatment... it will happen (unless a meteor hits my house)... just be patient
Please report these value to the author:
Darkness = 0. Will = 10. Empathy = 38. Intellect = 78.
Tot = 36.
I have a low tot
Oh, and the proofreader in me would like to point out "these value"
So, I really liked the character reveal in the backstory vision that Ryu was the one who kept up the idealistic hope that their father would return. It just gives me a lot of feelings for the character and it's the kind of reveal that I wouldn't've seen coming, but really resonates with the character and adds depth. And then the speech that Ryu gives to Akira—and that Akira gives back to Ryu—that was really effective and moving.
And yes, "frink" seems like an accurate assessment of the situation at the end of the chapter
So, I can see it making sense to refer to Akira-monster as "it" before you realize it's a frinking human, but I'd suggest switching to consistent "they" after you recognize them. You do eventually switch, but you still have a few its before you do. (Around here "Rounding the corner, you see it standing in the middle of the road, surrounded by soldiers:")
You see visions of your father, Ryu, clothed in chains of shadow, and screaming in agony.
I'm having some difficulty with parsing this sentence. Are you saying that you see "your father and Ryu, both of whom are clothed in chains of shadow and both of whom are screaming in agony"? Or just Ryu is clothed in chains of shadow and screaming in agony? Anyway, this could be clearer. An and might suffice
This is pretty high on the nitpicky side, but I'm noticing some inconsistency in dashes, specifically that you're sometimes using en dashes and sometimes em dashes (and in "–abject helplessness -" in chapter12_2.txt, you have a hyphen). For the dash usages you've been using, you want em dashes (unless British punctuation is different )
Before you can speak she continues. "You'll be getting a call now. The first of two. I suggest you take it."
I wasn't 100% sure who says "what" here. I think it makes most sense if it's the MC, since she's speaking to them, but Kay was the person with the previous line of dialog, so just following the conversational flow, it would follow that she's the default person to be speaking there, so... so this would read more easily if you include a dialog tag, is what I'm saying in an unnecessarily wordy manner