God I hope not, Dad as a ducking asshole.
Good work on the WIP. I feel like sharing some feedback after reading through.
Everything was nice up until the PC met with Arcy, where everything felt forced and unnatural. I also think the overall transition between our backstory to the whole “What are you going to do?” section seems a bit off. It doesn’t flow that much, which is a shame because I actually quite enjoy how you construct the backstory. Personally, I think the Champion route is the best, it has this uncanny resemblance to Dante’s Inferno where he killed the grimm reaper and took it’s scythe as his weapon and I love it .
Despite being a romance focused WIP, I honestly think that the romance doesn’t leave much of an impression as well as the other concepts. Overall, in its current state, the WIP was enjoyable. I’ll definitely keep watch of this WIP as you pump up more content for it. Good luck!
I just did a read through and I feel the exact same and I feel like love wouldn’t just happen in 1 day.
Gotta say, like the premise and the variety of peeps that will be put into the story though my one problem
besides the slight errors in spelling which I myself is prone to those mistakes and can’t really point out due to me not having the time or patience for I’m gonna say one problem lol is that the relationship Arc with Arcy felt…forced or at least very least to quick, perhaps have it where they continuously meet up and allow the player to decide when to take it further or perhaps use it as a opportunity to have friendships with these people and eventually decide “yep this one is da one”
@GOn @Chopper @Vacco_da_king That’s three people with the same critique! Definitely oughtta look into that. I agree that the romance portion started up pretty quick, but I struggled for a long while on how to naturally ramp things up in a way that felt realistic.
There are plenty of examples in media of romances that start up and resolve in less than a day – take most of the renaissance Disney movies – but clearly something’s missing here. Gotta ramp up the sense of narrative accomplishment.
I would first want to compliment you for a wonderful story thus far, i am enjoying reading it and the demo is already well written story that is worthy to be converted into a short story of a book
Well… the so called romance is actually sort of interaction with a Lich , who had lived for about thousand years, hence i actually think you had done a marvelous job of the so-called romance with her … i believe readers should realise that Arcy is not a normal girl who is still living and there should not be an expectation of a normal build up romance for her, simply because that is not a common romance between two innocent souls Arcy had been living alone in her undead state for so long that she welcome anyone ( or any beings) who is willing to accept her state of form , basically she doesn’t need a slow build romance relationship to “love” someone … and MC clearly knows what he/she dealing with , for the MC to stay with Arcy… it is either the MC is scheming for something of his/her own , or he/she is truly looking for an immortal soul-mate as a companion for the remaining of their days …
At such i think there is nothing wrong with the romance with Arcy , although it is weird …but it is basically logical with its weird way… if the romance is done like a normal love story , then only it will feel illogical , the romance interaction with a Lich has its motives and “meanings” of its own way …which should be difference from a common love…
I agree that this sort of “love” is not the cup of tea for some readers, so perhaps other choices of love interest will feel suitable for them in the future ?
But honestly , i think you are doing it right here with the romance of a Lich, which make it distinguish from a logical romance of common love
By the way…is there anyway to persuade the priestess from storming Arcy’s fortress? I really hate to kill them all… perhaps there should also be choices for us to save them even if they decided to storm the castle ?
I have personally derive a reason for my MC to stay with Arcy , perhaps @will can have some of these ideas to be include later on ?
Well…i am thinking i must stay with Arcy in order to contain her from doing harm to the world, since my MC is also an immortal , i can stay and learn the secret of Arcy for as long as i want by staying put to accompany her … during this duration , try to dissuade her from harming others and diffuse certain situation as best i could , in the end if Arcy really aim to doom the world into a "Necropolitan" …i can still have a choice to “kill” her in order to save the world, since i most likely already learn enough of her weakness … I believe that will ultimately make a good tragic love story
what do you think @L_M ?
I love this concept and what you’ve done with it so far, and I’m really excited to see more. The ROs all sound interesting, and personally I like that the dealbreakers exist. I liked that there was no option to make Arcy change her murderous ways, because it felt more realistic - sometimes you either have to accept a person as they are, or walk away. They can’t change themselves to suit you.
The omens did confuse me a bit, since after the first one I was expecting a crisis to present itself which the MC would have to work through, but in the end she just sat there while the world unravelled around her. But when I took the survey, it sounded like there way a way to stop that happening? I never saw any choices to try, I’m not sure if that was a bug or if I just needed to do different things earlier on (probably the latter).
There’s not quite enough material yet for all of the omens to appear while you just naturally go through the game, unfortunately. There’s a huge section that I’m pretty sure nobody’s found yet! Wait no the survey shows at least four people have successfully stopped the apocalypse. That’s actually pretty impressive.
Bigger than the one with a whole different life?
Bigger than the one with a whole different life?
Second Omen is roughly 7,000 words.
One hidden route is about 4,000 words, but you can get stuck. The other route is about 3,000 words. So, yeah, a little bit bigger than the part where you live a whole different life.
I killed Malkanthor, is that what you meant?
It’s good I love it need more bonding with characters
@will Okay, I just spent the last hour or so playing through the game a couple of times and after a while got the “true ending”. I think this was a well written adventure with some pretty good romance scenes. The ending I got was an exceptional highlight to me, with a showdown with all the gods and some thought provoking questions.
One thing, however, bothers me. Is there a way to prevent the apocalypse and save the world without having to break up with your chosen romance option? I got the ending in which you fight end up defeating the god of time. However, I seemingly couldn’t reach this ending without leaving the lich. Replaying multiple times didn’t change the result. It seems odd to me that in a game centering around romance the only way to “succeed”, as it were, is to not partake in the romance or break it off early, in turn making it unfulfilling. Unless, of course, that feeling was intentional or there is indeed a way to do it, in which case this entire criticism is invalid.
Anyway, all in all I had fun and eagerly await future updates!
@will Will we have the option to evantually build our own tower as that seems like it could be at least a chapter worth of reading and adventure adding more to our story. This could be part of option to improve ourselfs
I also suggest cleaning up the world map view page after acquiring a ship as its just a bunch of good information stuffed together with no context trying adding I’m opinions of our characters to mix things up
ʏᴀʏ~ ᴀ ʀᴏᴍᴀɴᴄᴇ!!! ᴛʜᴀɴᴋ ᴜ!!! ɪ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ʀᴏᴍᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴄʏᴏᴀ ɪɴ ᴍʏ ʟɪғᴇ!!!
I loved it! The fantasy part is awesome.️
Oh my god! A jelly Fish! From what I know about the immortal jellyfish (or Turritopsis dohrnii), they reset themselves completely whenever they are about to die, which means you probably going to need to date them repeatedly every once in a while if you plan to live when them forever.
I’m not sure I like the lack of choice we get when playing through Arcy’s life. For example, Arcy’s relationship with Harriet is built into the story.
What’s wrong with that? It adds a layer of complexity to your own relationship with Arcy when you realize that she had a relationship with her.