Through Broken Lenses (Update 40 on 13 NOV 2018) WiP



Ok, so I kind of like Junior, not as an RO (yet), but as a friend. Anyways, I wouldn’t mind having my MC be friends with him, and possibly hang out with him, but at the same time I’m not too wild with the idea of her joining his gang… is there going to be an option that would allow her to be his friend but not join his gang?


That’s more something that would be in chapter 3. I’m working on the in-between chapters 1 and 2 for now.


I’m so glad the next chapter Daniel’s going to attempt at being a parent. Their relationship development is one of my favorite things about this wip. anyway, i guess i would like to see the mc able to join a club, recreational sport, or after school activities if thats possible.


i can see Daniel saying something like this “…Soooo, like baseball?”


Ok how about this; Daniel’s CIA friend encourages Daniel to take the MC on a Father Daughter/Son day. They go to a park to try and play catch, they head to the mall, and then try and see a movie; with each new place something goes wrong. By the end of the day, Daniel slumps on the couch exhausted and (Depending on the MC’s relationship with Daniel), either the MC with just head to their room, or head into the kitchen and attempts to make dinner for both of them as a gesture of appreciation for Daniel trying.


Again, that’s something that would be in a chapter. I’m not asking for brainstorming ideas about what should be in chapter two (that might come later). Right now, I’m wanting to know what people want to have done between chapter one and two.
The scene I’m writing at this very moment is Daniel asking the MC what they’ve been up to. What are some events that stand out over the past three months. What are some little things that you would have liked to have done. And note; every little thing will get a page dedicated to it. One single page as an overview. Because the game presumes you’re going to be picking more than one of the options for conversing.


Hmm, tossing around small ideas:

  • going to see a game of… baseball/basketball/hokey/football/soccer… whatever, really… in an attempt from Daniel to give the MC the stadium, all-American experience.
  • first cinema experience, perhaps with a friend.
  • in the same way, a museum visit - perhaps a war museum, in order to convince the MC to go in the first place
  • the MC discovering with horror that fast-food are a thing

To be fair, we can’t know that. :wink:


I believe @Interestedparty is saying that there will be a time skip between chapter one and two, and is asking for suggestions on what to happen in the time skip.


Daniel introducing us to the family? Meeting grandpa and grandma perhaps if they are still alive.


Well, you could add stuff about interpersonal relationships. If we just hung out with our stal- I mean Vi all the time… if we hung out with the various other students we’ve met… If we tried to form some romantic relationship? I mean, as fucked up as the MC’s past is they are still going through puberty, so unless they’re hard coded as ace they ought to have some sort of sex drive.


Yes? And since he’s asking for highlights, that’s what I listed?


ehh… meant that as a general reply.

  • I would like to see Daniel commenting on our potentit RO’s besides Vi, such as us becoming a bodyguard for Ms Stein
    *Him seeing us trying to keep up with old habbits such as going to the shooting range & keeping ourselves in tip top shape, and offering to give a hand with that or potential trying to convince to give it up and live an normal life

*Our deeds in school, like if we decide idea too skip school and go to Juniors hideout or Daniel commenting on how we defended Stein, perhaps reprimanding us depending of our decisions or give in a Stern warning


I e seen this as opportunity in the past for people to extra stats wheather it be relationships or whatever. Like I went with Jr on the first day but would love to hangout with Toby more. Another page could a quick evaluation of how we want to act in school. Are we being social? Are we outcasting ourselves? Are we trying in school or are we a pain in the ass? (I have a personal quest to see how many times we’ve been sent to the princeipals office).


Hmmmmm, could we get to know Jessie a bit more, since we already got a scene with Vi?


Update 39:
Right, so this conversation took awhile to make. Luckily, being forced onto a plane ride with nothing but your computer and no internet for 4 hours tends to bring out my productive side.

So I wrote pretty much the entirety of the talk in the car with Daniel while waiting for school to start. Sorry to say, but almost none of your suggestions made it in. With so many people making the same mistake I figure that there was probably something wrong with my wording, but at the same time, I do not know how I could make myself more clear when I said ‘he scene I’m writing at this very moment is Daniel asking the MC what they’ve been up to. every little thing will get a page dedicated to it. One single page as an overview.’
It puzzles me why people were still sending things that were worthy of a large portion of a chapter after that.

Like, did your really want going to the carnival to be relegated to just the MC and Daniel talking about it in past tense? Or going to see a sport? Or meeting family? Or any other ‘first’ in the MCs life, happening off screen?
What was obscure about my wording that I kept getting suggestions like this? What was I doing wrong?

Anyway, rant over. Actual content! Now you can talk to Daniel about things you’ve been up to and how you’ve been getting along with people!
And maybe now with a visual representation, people will finally understand what I was talking about!


Spelling error in the scene: 2-2school, in the option: “Everything is going fine”.

“Everything is fine, I promise. I just would rather not ralk right now.”



Ohhhhhhhhhhhh now I get what you meant! :sweat_smile: You were saying that our suggestions were more important than what you were looking for. Also I think it’d make sense to not allow someone to choose both “Frequent Junior’s base” and “Distance self from Junior” since they’re rather conflicting.


so far ive liked the story and i cant wait till the story favorite is Vi


I think you should start it out as a verbal report and transition into a bonding scene as Daniel digs for more information.

We should be able to select 3 things you did during the time skip. The first thing should be something you did in school.

Options should include your relationship with a specific character, good or bad.

The option to select a favorite/least favorite class and tutor for, or be tutored for said class.

A general assessment of your progress based directly on your actions in the first day. This final one would have you sacrificing the ability to define the consequences your characters interactions in return for a more defined view of the sum of your actions effect on the school.

The remaining choices should be free to select the above options or pursue coactions

Relationships you didn’t pursue that don’t conflict with previous choices.

Joining a club or school team.

In the case of Lucy if we work for her, we should define the kind of work she has us participate in which should change slightly depending on or actions during the class conflict.

Lucy herself should also change slightly do time spent around us influencing her do to her lack of other companions.

Regardless of our actions she should grow more suspicious of our background. I think it would be amusing if attempts to tell her were shot down as “spoiling her fun” while attempts to hide things were met with closer scrutiny.

I have a personal interest in Vi Myrtle Given that we can recruit her, I’d like the option to train her. This would hopefully include attempting teaching her our selection of any 3 skills. It my hope to use this a precursor to a mission to assess Vi’s Growth.

I suppose something similar should be done for the alternative rehabilitation route, involving the selection of tasks to help Vi regain her lost sense of normalcy and heal her damaged self view. This would serve as the precursor to some school project to assess her recovery.

I’d like to suggest a school festival as the location of both events.

I need to play again to become reacquainted with the other characters before I can suggest anything else.