These Reluctant Years (WIP) - Last updated: April 27th, 2021

What i meant is if I always choose the friendly options with him I would think he wouldn’t be surprised even if he’s not interested in ever having a better relationship with me.

Y-yes, well…" he stumbles, clearly surprised by your unexpected warmth. He quickly scrambles to change the subject. “That aside, what of your brother?”

To me it just seem strange for the father to “lament your decision” which sounds like I am disregarding what he wanted and going with what I want. It seems like instead it would say he laments that my MC was rejected by SRU or something like that. You know?

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Yes Greedfall is an openworld fantasy RPG made a few years ago. And you play a noble character sent by your dying mother to a recently(last 50 years or so) island to find a cure for a plague and to take up a life there away from the mainland. It is a very colonialist themed game where 3 nations(yours included) do what they can to subjugate the locals(a type of nature people with strange magic) and find a cure.

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Is corporal Pri sympathetic towards the radicals?
I ask because she is part of the corps that apparently lead the slavers into more unknown territory, but she also attended the meeting by Laz a couple of years back. Now I don’t know if she’s a sympathizer or an infiltrated agent…

I got a suspicious feeling towards her by the end of the demo. Maybe its unfounded…

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They wanted to make sure you really got the message, lol! I’ve fixed this and it should be visible in the next update.

Thank you for the kind words!

I get that – I was trying to explain that the stat is set up as an opposing pair, so if Father likes you, Grandfather will not, and so on. I guess if you just choose every option that they like for both characters, it must even out to having a higher relationship with Grandfather? In your case, at least?

Yes I see where you’re coming from. I’ll change the wording – I must have forgotten to consider that the response wouldn’t make much sense if the Academy is a “fall back” option. Thank you!

That sounds like an interesting premise! From your description, though, I think I’m taking my game in a different direction.

Emphasis mine. Right now in the story, most of the radicals are still regarded by the authorities as upstart kids making trouble because they’re upset at their parents or something. They aren’t seen as a legitimate threat because Laz is one of a few people to actually bother organizing anything, and he does it semi-clandestinely. Anyone of actual influence would be like: “Well isn’t slavery such a shame?” at a noble party and then do absolutely nothing about it partly because they immediately benefit from it and partly because they fear retribution (mostly because they benefit from it, though).

The Corps is peopled and outfitted entirely “”""“voluntarily”"""". I put that in HUGE quotation marks because though joining is technically a choice, the other option is usually execution or exile and understandably most people would rather not die. Any prisoner/criminal/accused has the option of serving their sentence as part of the Frontiersmen Corps, and it is part of a big propaganda campaign (“it’s a huge honor to patrol our borders and keep the Colonies safe!”). In actuality, though, no one in the government, nobility, or religious authority really cares – the Corps is implicitly a death sentence because they are given no real orders or equipment and sent into unknown territory.

As a result, there are a lot of different people in the Corps, and not all of them share political opinions. Prudence, at this point in her life, is trying to learn as much as she can so she can advance as far as possible within her limited opportunities. She’s not stupid and she doesn’t like the injustices she sees, but she is ironically not very prudent and might get caught up in what she thinks people ought to be doing.

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Correct, result of always choosing “kind” options toward both father and grandfather was 53% grandfather. Also that basically means a MC who is always kind will never be accepted to SRU because of that grandfather percentage and probably other percentages like Lazaro and Belvidere. My MC was not deviant and stats were 52% traditionalist, 53% society, 56% isolationist, but 83% kind/always kind to all characters and so rejected by SRU just for always being nice to everyone. Thanks for your answers.

(These were my stats when my MC left for Fellowship Academy which is the last scene I’ve played so far)

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Hey, this was pretty great! Kind of made me think about Greedfall while reading this, in a good way. Liked the lore, although it was bit confusing at first. The dialects used in character interactions were kind of weird to grasp at first, but got used to it after playing through the demo again.

Wish you luck with the project! Will be looking forward for more.

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You are correct, but it’s more that they won’t accept you because you’re friendly with people they see as enemies of the state than because you are a kind person.

Thank you!

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Feedback:

  1. A saving system would be helpful - once I close my browser the progress resets.
  2. I feel like we got a lot of lore to digest but no way of keeping track of it - a codex would be nice.
  3. I found dialogue options a little limited - I don’t think there are enough to really give MC a personality.
    I’m looking forward to seeing how this WIP develops :slightly_smiling_face:
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this is interesting! i personally loved too different, and this new world is something i’m looking forward to explore!

feedback
  • i think the dialogue options for the mc is a little limited, especially in some parts. i think it’s nice to add more neutral/balanced dialogues instead of just the initial good-bad approach?

in any case, i’m greatly excited for this wip, and am definitely looking forward to developing my mc’s relationships and meeting the other player character!

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About dialogue options, some of them are spoilering itself, for example, there’s three options, (I’ll just make up some options here,) the first one is asking how’s the weather, the second one is asking why didn’t you bring the umbrella, the third one is asking who stole your umbrella, whilst actually the umbrella is mentioned in the first answer, and the second answer is about the umbrella is being stolen.

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I’m assuming the second MC will be a member of what the Sovereignty considers the “subjugated races” (correct me if I’m wrong). If so…

Does that also mean that the second MC can side with the colonizing power? Whether it be out of genuine conviction, pure pragmatism, or selfish self-preservation and advancement? From what I understand about the history of colonialism, local collaborators were not an uncommon phenomenon.

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Yeah there was supposed to be one in the current demo, but I think I somehow messed up the code – it’ll be there in the next update, promise!

Do you mean something other than the library?

In what situations?

Thank you! (:

It’s good to know someone other than me liked it, haha! (;

Emphasis mine. I’m wondering if you are able to remember specific parts where you thought there could be more options?

Thank you – I appreciate it! ^ _ ^

Do you mean how, on some pages, a few options are grayed-out until you say a certain thing? This is intentional – I kind of like to let people see what they’re getting in to/could be getting in to if they were playing a different type of character.

No, you’re correct!

If they want! I’m not particularly sure why anyone would want to, but the option will certainly be there. They’ll likely be treated as a useful idiot or else “one of the good ones” – no matter what, MC2 won’t have the greatest of futures if they go down that path.

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i added some parts where i feel like the options are limited:


i feel like this could have another more balanced reaction for neutral mc’s? you’re either close with your grandfather or you aren’t, and it is pretty limiting since there seems to be only two ways this could go: like or dislike. what if i tolerate my grandfather and am pretty much indifferent to him? (similar to the reactions provided with the mc’s father)

this is the same issue with the above. i feel like you’re either forced into hating them or loving them, and it feels a little limiting since it boxes the mc in as either good or bad.

hope i am able to articulate my thoughts well!

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Yes, you’re fine! (:

I went back and added some more neutral options to the earlier scenes.

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This is interesting. I’d definitely side with the rebels and the outcast, although not as vehemently as Laz. Is there a way to be the logical and organized mind in his rebelion group because it feels very much driven by his rhetoric at this point.

Agreeing with what people say about Greedfall, one of my fav games despite all its issues. I always have higher approval from natives compare to others.

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Yes. It’s kind of foreshadowed a little bit but not much (I think I just explain who they are and what they believe) at this point in the story… The Heroics (a religious minority) are mostly “peasants” (and there can’t be a successful revolution without getting the common people on board) and they believe that the three “Heroes” (Whitaker, His Beloved Knight, and Grimdiis) will be reincarnated and save the world when the end-of-times comes around. Whether you are a true believer or not, you’ll basically fulfill one of those roles by default and the others will be embodied by Laz and his other rebels.

There are three Heroic roles:

  • The Song = Whitaker: Good orator, maybe not a natural-born soldier.
  • The Shield = His Beloved Knight: Measured, fine with leading from the sidelines (this is probably the role you are looking for).
  • The Sword = Grimdiis: She gave the holy sword Unifier to Whitaker, so her role is more action-oriented… The Sword is a warrior or soldier.

You can kind of guess who is going to be who if you side with the traditionalists and have nothing to do with Laz.

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Not going to lie, when Laz confided in us that he would kill anyone (including his loved ones) to get the revolution going, it kind of killed the wind off my sails to romance. Would he really do it, or is that just his fiery and awkward side talking? If not, then Laz isn’t the kind of person I would get in a relationship with, even if I do agree with the idea of a revolution. I guess some revolts can’t be won without doing the unthinkable, and he’s right when he said someone has to take the burden upon themselves… just…

I prefer someone less drastic and scary… and for that, I guess Bel is my choice.

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An interesting setting for a WIP, not common but not unique either. There’s certainly potential in the setting used. However, the tone of the writing, the dialogue, the descriptions and situations the MC finds themselves in contradict and undermine the setting.

The WIP appears to be set sometime in the early to mid 18th century, as can be assumed by the fact that you are not one of the first wave, or even second wave, of settlers but instead your family has already been established there. The talk of nobility and the distinction between the colonies and the metropole similarly confirm it being somewhere in this time period. Yet despite all this, everything else about the writing is distinctly 21st century. People talk using language that only became publicly acceptable around the beginning of this century, the tone of those speaking has little formality or pleasantry, often being rude or odd by our standards and unacceptable by 18th century standards, the description of a bloc of rented out apartments which makes no sense in the setting, the fact that a noble family would allow their son to live in such conditions, break every social norm, and become a drunkard - something which would never be allowed and if it did happen would most likely result in the individual being disowned. Even the racism has a distinctly 20/21st century feel to it, and the inclusion of an openly camp character is something that would only be possible in the 21st century, being completely unacceptable pretty much throughout history.

Perhaps most importantly for the story, the idea of rebellion and independence was the most fringe idea you could have at the time. The idea of American independence from the UK could only be talked about perhaps a few years before the revolutionary war. Throughout the 18th century independence had no support, it was non-existent as a desire, with most colonists viewing themselves as British and being happy with the metropole. This only changed when the policy of Salutary Neglect ended, the French effectively withdrew from North America, and the UK had started enforcing Parliamentary decrees, and even then what was being discussed was more autonomy not independence. It was only around the time of the Coercive Acts that independence was in the public discourse, prior to that you would be called a traitor by everyone in earshot. Even during the Revolutionary War there were many, many colonists who sat on the British side of the fence more so than the American.

What this all leads to is a sense of whiplash for the reader, as even with a rudimentary knowledge of the time period it would be easy to tell that things don’t quite add up. The feeling of the writing is 21st century through and through, but the setting is 18th century which clashes heavily with the writing. This comes at the detriment of the reader’s immersion and the tone the story is trying to set. It’s hard to focus on the characters, the dialogue, the narrative, when everything clashes so heavily and results in making the setting feel forced through the metaphorical 21st century keyhole. The story would flow much better, and make much more sense, if it were set in an alternate today and not in a period where the standards and expectations of today were not even heard of, let alone accepted.

The accents as well just come off as annoying. I understand the effect you’re trying to go for but it would be better if it were toned down somewhat, like this it’s just irritating.

Other than that the story has potential, but you’ll have to sort out the problems whilst this is still in early development. Otherwise when you do come to reconciling some of the more disparate elements you’ll have to rewrite a much larger amount than if you were to do so now.

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@SwankyPants
What if the author isn’t going for historical accuracy? I mean, I understand the need for some “logic” and for the story to be somewhat grounded on our own world (for extra flair and to facilitate comparisons) but, at the end of the day, it’s fantasy. The same logic applies when you bring real world countries to this argument. I mean, there are beings that are literally described as half-humanoid and half-animals in the game.

You’re going to tell me I missed the memo and there were people like that in our own world back then? /jk :upside_down_face:

Still, I don’t want to discredit you entirely. You do bring good points if someone wants to make a story like that.

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It’s a little of both – he’s totally willing to do it, but he isn’t going to be all “RAH RAH KILL EVERYONE” right of the bat… He’d do it more out of pragmatism than morality (a violent conflict results in less resources for his people and less), but he’ll at least try for a peaceful transference of power. That’s, uhh… not so likely to happen, however…

I’m afraid I might have miscommunicated something – MC1’s grandfather is probably somewhere in the 1.5th wave of settlers. He’s not the literal first, but he came to the Colonies as a young man before it was as developed. Before any settlers, even, the Mainland had been robbing the island for a very long time.

I’ve been inspired more by the mid-19th century of our world, particularly in regards to industrialization, classism, gender, sexuality, and racial tension. It might seem a little older though because pretty much everyone I’ve introduced is either a social/racial minority or not upper class.

You’re not entirely mistaken, but part of me setting the story in a more “modern” context and not, like, literally first contact is deliberate. Just far enough away for readers to recognize it as “older”, but recent enough that they can also connect it with issues in our real, actual world. Fantasy and science fiction frequently use analogue devices (characters, cultures, religions, etc.) to get ideas across because, let’s face it, people would rather read about elves or whatever than be confronted with real ugly truths. That doesn’t mean there can’t be an applicable message.

Do you have a more concrete example? For instance, are you talking about swears, slang, or something else you see as anachronistic?

I don’t think I’m understanding where you’re coming from, here? Society did not collectively decide: “hey, we should stop being rude!” on January 1st, 1800 and then never say anything crass or tactless ever again.

Might I ask why you feel this way? I’m not sure where else people would live.

You’re totally correct. MC1’s older brother Abner is only “allowed” to be a colossal slob because there is literally no one else they’re pinning their hopes on. He is a mean, aimless man and essentially exists to show the reader how deeply patriarchal and regressively rigid the systems of the elite are: he’s figured out that he can coast through life with barely any effort and he’ll still be supported because he is the legitimate male heir. Doesn’t matter if MC1 is objectively a better person for the house, Abner III gets full rights just because he is a straight cis man born in wedlock.

I don’t quite understand what this means.

Which character are you talking about, here? I’m assuming it’s Belvidere, and again, you’re spot-on. Belvidere isn’t stupid, and they know that they are only allowed to live because of House Ydl’s wealth and noble status. I’ll grant you that there aren’t so many historical examples of gender neutral individuals, specifically, largely escaping persecution because of their popularity with the general public. But there have definitely been those whose sexuality was regarded as a quirk (this is homophobic in itself) and overlooked because everyone liked their poetry or whatever.

"Campiness" in literature

This is kind of a tangent but the inclusion of a “camp” character is absolutely not something that is only possible in the twenty first century. The “fop”, “dandy”, or any other type of effeminate caricature trope is centuries older than when you say I’m basing my story. The foppish character is usually comic relief or the villain, but they do exist. I am very inspired by Russian literature, and off the top of my head I can recall a few examples of “campiness” being played for laughs or to undermine a character. Eugene in Eugene Onegin is Pushkin’s big ol’ parody of a brooding romantic hero even if he says he isn’t. In Anna Karenina, I believe, there is a woman named “Sappho” who Tolstoy describes as mannish and “butch” to use modern terms. I forget if it’s in The Gambler by Dostoevsky or a short story by Pushkin or Chekhov, but there’s a couple where a husband and wife make bets to see how many men she can pick up and sleep with while the husband goes around doing nothing but shopping. Not very flattering portrayals, but again, they did exist.

There are shades of the American Revolutionary War here, but I’m kind of cramming it into more of the American Civil War and various student revolutions because this is not supposed to be a perfect analogue of any sort of real-world conflict.

“The standards of today” are very much not accepted in the setting, so I don’t see where that allusion (the juxtaposition of this statement makes it seem like you are saying I am taking today’s standards and applying them to a time period where they wouldn’t have been tolerated, and then changing society to tolerate them) comes from? If you even “deviate” slightly from the “Natural Order” then you are indiscriminately killed, jailed, or sent into forced exile by the secret police.

Thank you!

I don’t think they’re disparate, so I won’t be re-writing them, but I appreciate any and all feedback!

For the record, I am not trying to portray an accurate depiction of real, actual Earth at any point in time ever. People’s biases, wars, and growth are applicable to unreal settings.

Totally! There’s no reason someone couldn’t write a period drama tackling the same issues I’m covering set in the real, actual world. It’s just not what I’m doing.

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