Chapter 1 is probably definitely finished at 11000 words.
The beginning of some new stats, more gameplay-oriented, still not fully implemented though
So, I will update the game soon. Chapter 2 is on the way as well, but not in this first part. I’m still working on chapter 2, but I’ll try to show you what I have done on chapter 2 while I’m still on vacation.
I’ll also probably do an overhaul of the stats, because they’re kind of a mess.
As usual, I’d really be happy if you could tell me what you think about what you read. And tell me about any bug or typo you encounter.
I feel like there should be a stoic or angry response here. Playing a WK who is angry at everyone, then having to chuckle or grin at a stranger who’s been nothing but condescending is a bit immersion breaking imo
So um… that necromantic shockwave you involuntarily send out when you try to introduce yourself to Helena… You describe its effects on one page, then say practically the same things again on the next page. It feels a bit repetitive, like you had forgotten you’d already described it previously and wrote a description a second time.
Um… I’m not sure how much more effectively I can describe it. The part where you try to introduce yourself to Helena and instead unleash a shockwave of necromantic magical energy that corrupts everything around you… This scene didn’t used to happen, but now it. And it’s described almost identically twice on two separate pages, including how it makes you feel.
It was violent like a storm, so overwhelming that a shock coursed through my entire body.
A single instant was all it took for countless lives to be swept away, their flames as if snuffed away by the breath of a vengeful god, flaring in terror all at once as suddenly as they were silenced. And with this single blow, they were reaped, the force of their lives became a flood about to overtake me, the echo returned to me thousands of times as strong, the energies burned together into a baleful wind that seemed to tear apart and assimilate all that stood in its way.
And soon the tide was upon me, raging, whirling around myself before nestling into my hand. The torrent of energy settled over me as if frozen in time as it poured into my open hand, rushing into my carcass, into my veins, into my soul, filling me with the warmth I sought. The essence of thousands of lives was devoured, restoring my powers, filling me to the brim with unholy strength. And as I looked into my upraised arm, seeing my own reflection in the plates of my armour, I saw a beast, a beast that could never be sated, a beast with eyes black and cold as coals, two dark abysses slowly being set alight by the lives that were stolen, a beast as dreadfully pale as the flesh that had tasted the kiss of death.
All were taken, and the storm ceased.
*page_break
And there was nothing but silence.
Before me laid the sanctuary, the same brimming place of power and serenity. And behind me, desolation and ruin, the terrifying emptiness left when you take everything away. And yet, I had never felt so alive. I could still feel the echo of my power seeping into the empty shells left behind with every beat of my heart, leaving place to the work of chaos. And as I turned around, I could scarcely believe what I had done.
Everything was blackened, devoid of life, taken by the dark powers I had unleashed. The great trees that marked the border of the sanctuary now nothing more than charred husks ready to crumble into dust, grass turned into ashen blades so fragile that the wind tore them apart. Even the sanctuary was left maimed and bleeding, its veil torn apart and turned to shreds by my power, it waned and stumbled as it slowly tried to mend itself back together, but it would never be the same. Within all of them, was a part of me, an insignificant shard of my essence, a brand left behind by my powers. They all burnt with the slightest drop of my power, spreading from life to life, jumping from host to host and twisting them.
A wicked spark igniting within them, lighting a fire…
So I am now a new fan of your WIP. My interest in this game is definitely piqued and I cannot wait to see what more you have in store. Your prologue was definitely fleshed out but I felt like it covered alot for an introduction to the world you have built here.
I especially enjoyed the possible previous relationship that is apparent between the MC and Asterius, the brief recognition gave me goosebumps. I am super excited to see what parts the MC has played and what their role is in the rebellion (If they played a role at all) and if the MCs real history dates back even further in History! Self discovery is a must for any MC so i cant wait to uncover it.
The inclusion of races or at the very least elven influence is a well thought out addition. Through the majority of my playthroughs I was more inclined to play the role of the half elf as I felt like it would offer me more in terms of story driven play. I cant help but wonder and be excited to see what kind of lore comes along with this and what kind of influence this will have on the MCs interactions with the outside world. Will they be seen as trash for their race? Will their half human half elven heritage gain them even more enemies simply for their half breed nature?! I am super excited for how this plays out !.
I do hope to see traces of other races though! Elven and Human are the ones I currently am aware of and after looking through the character list and seeing Vampire, Banshee and even Annie (who I can only assume isnt entirely human either after still being alive after her beating) with her “Unknown” origin.
In those first few pages I was definitely getting a sense of an anime named Overlord which worried me but as I read on the worries were replaced by the fear that the preview/demo would end soon! I look forward to future updates and cannot wait to see more and more lore added to the page.
I have watched progress and have been monitoring this thread frequently for the past six (?) months I think and this is a great update, I loved it and it took me a little over a half hour for just the prologue and chapter 1 which is, honestly, pretty great. Good luck @bl00dragon I bookmarked the thread long ago
Bad but or good but? The introduction is quite wordy, but I felt like there was some important informations needed since I introduce you to a new world. Even though I try to spread the lore around later on, to avoid force-feeding you the lore all the time.
To avoid spoiling, I’ll just say: Yes, they played a role during the time of the rebellion.
I did talk of orks and dwarves on this thread if I remember correctly, as well as some of the undead types. Once the stories go further I’ll probably add races that are less mainstream.
Oh, she’s human… mostly.
Honestly, she would have died if it wasn’t for Asterius healing her, and she won’t get out of this unscathed.
I get where you’re coming from, I’ve already been told once or twice that it reminded them of Overlord, but that’s not really the goal.
I guess my love for animes just shows in my writing sometimes. XD
Thank you. I’ll try to make time to write more content despite school’s best effort to put walls of work before me.
Remembers how little content the game itself had in six months.
