The Wight King(WIP - REVAMPED) Rebirth update (08/02/2018)


#2134

Always intended to. I made characters that would benefit from romance, so I intend to use them even if they are undead. Not everyone will be a RO though.

And not all ROs will be undead.


#2135

The First order is a slapstick shoddier reimagining of the Empire before it.

Both also fail in comparison to the old Sith empire.

Disney should burn for what they did to my beloved EU StarWars. That is all.

Off topic but I was lurking and was triggered lol.


#2136

UPDATE TIME!!!

New and shiny version of the Wight King! The revamp(ir)ed new demo:

https://dashingdon.com/play/bl00dragon/the-wight-king/mygame/index.php?cb=85496

Unfortunately, I haven’t yet made a thorough revising of this new version but here are some of what I’ve imroved:

  • More than twice as much content compared to the original prologue: 16000 words instead of 7000
  • No bugs unless dark magic is at play.
  • A lot less typos than my usual updates. (At least I hope so. XD )
  • Asterius has a beard twice as shiny and will cease his search for the lost screen time.
  • A new part of the plot unfolds.

Enjoy! And don’t forget to tell me what you think about this new version. Particularly about what you think could be improved.

If someone(like @Eiwynn or others possessing similar powers) could change the title to:
“The Wight King(WIP - REVAMPED) Rebirth update (07/01/2017)”

I’d be most obliged.


#2137

Woohoo hype overload


#2138

Switched it for you.


#2139

Thanks. I wish I had the same sorcery to do it on my own.


#2140

image

Anyway, on to the demo.

Summary
  • The new prologue so far has the tone of someone whose a big hulking behemoth of power but neither realizes it nor knows what “baby steps” are. I’ll give you credit for that tone. Your description of our character’s armor in particular makes me think of the Draugr from Skyrim.
I suddenly realized, what I was imprisoned in. A sarcophagus, made of thick stone, far thicker than it needed to me. Large beams of metal, sticking out of it, rusted by use and bent from my strength.
  • “me” should be “be”. Also, the sentence following immediately after is worded weirdly.
The few reasons I could think off being far too terrifying for me to accept at the moment.
  • “off” should be “of”

  • I think the scene where we speak to the templar would do well if there was some reference to how croaky or scratchy our MC’s voice/throat is. Considering that all the other muscles were protesting earlier and the MC hasn’t said anything up to that point, it might make for a nice attention to detail, as well as reinforce the image of a badass undead waking up and kicking ass right from the get-go

  • I find it weird that we are given the option to carry the KO’d templar back up to the surface, yet we can’t do the same with his companions, who haven’t been confirmed to be dead and are also in pretty bad shape if our MC would have anything to do about it.

King and commoners alike once risen to power, and revered as heroes. 
  • “King” should be plural.
But I had more pressing matter to deal with,
  • “matter” should be plural.
Fact reinforced, by the highly defensible way this place was built.
  • Fact reinforced? What? Did you mean “In fact reinforced?”
But many other simply ended in dead-ends or secret ambush tunnels. Which held not my interest at the moment.
  • “other” should be plural. The second sentence looks correct but is worded weirdly.
It seemed carved directly out of the rock, with only slight wear and tear, as well as thick coating of dust to hint at its age.
  • should be “It seemed to be carved directly out of the rock, with only slight wear and tear, as well as a think coating of dust to hint at its age.”
I found the efforts put into building this place properly incredible.
  • “efforts” doesn’t need to be plural.
Smaller version of the brasiers into the halls were mounted on the walls but emitted much smaller flames. 
  • “version” should be plural.
Artefacts, monsters, demons or any being so great that nothing could stop them,
  • “Artefacts” should be “Artifacts”.
This place seemed to have used as catacombs for quite a while now.
  • add in a “been” between “have” and “used”
She hurriedly stirred her body, panicked at the sight of her comrade's state. I left her alive, but she was severely wounded. She surely passed out from the pain. "Annie, wake up!"

She wouldn't wake up. I killed her. "It's no use. Your friend is dead." She paid me no heed, tending to her friend's wounds. "Are you not listening? You're wasting your time."

"Annie!" Her eyes wide, her lips trembling she brought her hands in prayer, murmuring softly. Persistent, praying solves nothing. So I thought, until I registered the situation. She moved. Her chest heaved, for a mere second. She was still breathing, she survived. By a stroke of incredible luck, her body still lived as she faded into unconsciousness.
  • I was left confused by this whole segment. I thought we left this soldier alive, but then she apparently bled out and died, but then miraculously survived… kinda confusing

#2141

Yeah. I know, for the sake of humanity I should stop doing puns. XD

Thank you for all this feedback. I’m going to have a look.

Yeah. I didn’t think about that. It would be a good addition.

My thoughts on that were that the MC thinks the two others are dead, since only this one showed a sign of life. Beside that, even though extremely strong, carrying three people at the same time would probably be toom much of a bother to move. Especially since the MC awaits more resistance, I don’t think they would to be so hindered when they expect a fight.

So I don’t know. Maybe I’ll had this option in some way, I’ll think about it.

Actually, artefacts is correct.

You saw that after chosing to spare her?


#2142

The text didn’t explicitly say the other templars down in the catacombs were dead, just that they were KO’d and unlikely to get up any time soon.

The carrying 3 people around thing is a good point though. Maybe at least have the MC poke the others to make sure they’re dead before moving on? Besides, even if we did carry all 3, there’s nothing stopping our MC from just dropping them onto the floor once combat begins, is there?

Yeah.


#2143

Is the same with me. I Spare her yet the mc said he kill her.


#2144

Strange. EDIT: Ok, I just swapped the two variables. XD

So killing her in the branch you took set anniespared to true instead of the option to spare her. I fixed it, I’ll upload that right away.

Yeah, I guess so. I’m gonna make adjustments tommorrow once I come back from school.


#2145

well this was cool hope finsh it


#2146

Ok, so I was looking at the code, and then I found this:

Best thing ever. :joy:


#2147

Just played the new Demo, and have to say that I’m incredibly pleased. This had already been one of my favorite WIP’s, and it seems like it’s just getting better. I’ve noticed most of the same minor spelling errors that have been previously mentioned so I won’t bother pestering you more about it, but keep up the fantastic work, and I look forward to more later.


#2148

Filthy extra’s trying to hog in on my screen time!

I’ll be the judge of that… later, I’m trying out Rwby right now.


#2149

I love the revampe truly amazing work.


#2150

You are shiney and chrome.


#2151

I don’t know if this been ask before, how strong were our Mc in their time period compared to the other kings and heros . And will we get flash back who Mc was before.


#2152

Will we see more of this Annie character?


#2153

The MC was quite strong before. Not on the level of the Kriegsgardian Kaiser, but on the stronger side of the scale.

There will be at some points glimpses of your past, and probably more.

Annie is a diminutive used by her friend. But yeah, she’ll come back too.