The Wight King(WIP - REVAMPED) Poll at post 2917 for side-project - half of chapter 1 done (12/05/2018)

science-fantasy
adult-fiction

#1

word count: 38176

Update(06/03/2018): Big update since the revamping. Some informations below may be oudated (updated the story and lore thing, so it’s more accurate, and better written)

Update(12/05/2018): Beginning of chapter 1 added.

Hello everyone. Yes a WIP, another one.

Today I released the first version of my project : The Wight King.

Here’s the old demo with, currently, the prologue, and three chapters (you can check it out, though the writing does not represent the skill I have acquired after more than a year of writing):
https://dashingdon.com/play/bl00dragon/the-wight-king-001-wip/mygame/

So what does this game that comes out of the blue is talking about (be careful slightly spoilerish, though some things are kind of obvious):

The Story

Summary

After a rough awakening in what you’ll find to be your own tomb, you manage to escape the templar order which was guarding your grave. Though that may have been obvious, you were in shock to learn that you were now undead.

And not just any undead to boot, the wight king, supreme lord of undeath, ultimate and most perfect undead being. You’ll have to assume your new role despite everything and lead undeath to new peaks, or submit under the blades of the templars and their self-appointed king. Recruit allies on the way, some unexpected. Be a merciful and wise leader of men, or be a dreadful tyrant, spreading chaos and misery in you wake. Master your new, dark powers, from necromancy to the rule of kings, and discover anew those you have forgotten.

The path ro victory will be long and treacherous, for this age of darkness comes to an end. The great tides of war rise once more, and you may be the one to turn those tides when the time come. The path of a Wight King is full of sacrifices, and you might lose more than your humanity on the way,

The lore

There’s a bit too much lore for me to explain on the fly but I’ll at least situate the story :

This story happens during the age of darkness, that has lasted for milleniums time since the fall of the old world, whose mistakes fractured the land and closed this world to the others.
It’s taking place in a country west-northwest of the continent enclosed between the dragon jaws mountainous chains and the perilous, monster-infested seas of the north… hospitable place to say the least. In the newly named holy kingdom of Arkadia, a country in turmoil, gone from invasions, to rebellions, to coup d’états in the span of a few centuries. In this chaotic context are stirring old powers, ready to change the world as never before.

I’ll be filling a lorebook little by little on the side, it’s very incomplete, but as soon as it will be decent enough, I’m going to release a link to it here.

Character List(some of them at least):

Templars:

Asterius Lucius Iudex (Human - Meidia): Commander of the templar order, Adjudicator responsible for keeping order in the eastern region of Arkadia. He’s a stern man, someone able to show impressive pragmatism for a paladin, but still cares more for his men than his own life, or that of his superiors. He’s know as an excellent strategist, an expert tactician able to win even when outnumbered thanks to his support-oriented powers and strategy. He managed to win the loyalty of all under his direct command, and turned a mediocre fighting force into an elite that puts to shame many of the other templar forces. He was a loyal officer of Meidia operating in Arkadia until the rebellion, he then joined the paladins as they reclaimed Arkadia for the new king, Roland Lionheart

Strom Walhardt (‘Human’ - Kriegsgard): One of the greatest paladin of the era, and possibly the most powerful. Strom comes from the land of Kriegsgard, and even for them is extremely imposing, standing at nearly 2.5 meters above the fray. He was a legend, even before becoming a paladin, a legendary general of the Kaiser, and one of its closest friend. He defended Kriegsgard from Meidia during nearly ten years out of his thirty of service, never losing an inch and with minimal losses, even winning territory by letting Meidia batter itself against his invincible army. He’s known to be a master of defensive warfare, something quite unexpected compared to the storming tactics the Kriegsgardian often employ. He came to be tired of war, and voluntarily exiled himself from Kriegsgard, cutting a path through Meidia, until being recruited by an order of paladins and helping them liberate Arkadia.

Bann(arkadian title for lord/lady) Lyn Blackstone (human - Arkadia): A young woman that joined the templars only recently. She is a noble of Arkadia, but a landless one, as her family lost everything to the rebellion and left her as the last Bann Stone. She joined the templars as much out of conviction and piety as she did to the promise of claiming the land of the Stone once more. She has a deep desire to serve jutice and to do what is right, but is often overzealous and tends instead to do more hurt than anything else because of her hot temperament and self-righteousness. She is a skilled but inexperienced fencer, using the signature and unusual style of her family, a rapier paired with a thick armguard and gauntlet, she has the potential to become a paladin and Asterius took her under his wing to train her(as much out of good will as to steal her away from his superiors).

Annya “Annie” Kazrin(human - origin unknown): Annya is a childhood friend of Lyn, the only one she has left. She was adopted by Lyn’s parents when she was a very young child, because of the sudden interest their slightly older daughter took in Annya. She was brought up to be as much a friend to Lyn as (secretly) a servant, and once Lyn lost everything, she followed her until she enrolled by her side into the templar order. Though she has no particular talent with the blade, she has proven to have excellent judgement, and very sharp senses, which piqued Asterius’ interest and with the demand of Lyn accepted Annya into his service as well.

Undead:

Elizabeth Redtides of Blackstone (Vampire - Arkadia): Elizabeth has been kept under lock and key at Blackstone Keep for decades, away from danger by her dominus, the vampire that made her for reasons unknown as she surely is the most powerful blood mage of all vampires. Exceptionally, her dominus, the overlord of the domain of Blackstone decided to let her step into the world for a mission of utmost importance. So she roams the world with her chaperon to achieve the mission of her overlord. She is a young vampire, and was alone for most of her short undeath, there remains a childish side to her as well as an unconsciousness born of overprotection. While she can be quite haughty, considering many beneath her and not hesitating to remind them, she can also surprisingly show great compassion and empathy uncharacteristic of vampires. Despite her rebellious streak, she shows absolutely no desire to lead and has very little ambition. While she is a powerful mage, she is clumsy and unskilled with any kind of melee weapon.

Dandelion (Wight lord - Nevarra): Dandelion is a wight lord, having served other wight kings before you. He is quite silent about his past but is profuse in advice to you. He’s a strategical genius, a devious and ruthless one, but a master nonetheless. He shows a very confident and charming side to everyone, but can easily become scarily serious in a matter of second, his skill with his serrated, poisoned saber (Hydra’s Fang) and his magic shield (Roar of the Manticore) makes him an exceptional duellist and assassin. His leadership preserved the undeath of many other wight knights, and they have come to trust him as an unformal leader.

Helena (Banshee - “nowhere”): Helena is a banshee. She was always fascinated by the old world, and became as hungry for knowledge as any mage, roaming the land to search for informations wherever it could be found. She ended up stumbling onto old, forbidden records, speaking of a legendary ‘Wight King’, an undead so powerful that it made entire continents tremble in fear, and she thought until now that it was simply a story to scare children. Even then, she didn’t expect to stumble onto the new wight king in the flesh. She decided to travel along with this living legend. She learnt long ago that the best way to spend your undeath was spent laughing, especially when you’re fleeing a past that draws ever closer.


As usual, I’m waiting for your feedbacks, help from typo-slayers, better way to phrase some sentences or better words to use (English is not my native language, therefore despite being quite good in English I’m far from perfect.), heck even ideas are welcome as long as they are at least somewhat good and possible for this story. Don’t hesitate to voice your thoughts, post dank memes and ask questions, be it about lore, story or whatever, I’ll be glad to answer you. I would be very happy if some of you people make artworks of your character, of other characters, castles, about everything you want really.

The story is already more or less fleshed-out I already know where the story will go and have thought of some plot-branching, so plot ideas for middle-game can be useful but the end and beggining are already almost done (except for some branching I may not have thought of that could be interesting) likewise for the development of most characters.


#2

Seems an interesting story. I normally play the baddy in any game so its nice to go fully bad and kill everyone in my way.

There’s a lot of minor spelling errors, gramatical errors or just sentences that repeat the same word at the start but I wont go through all that here.

One big comment is that the 2nd to last choice I met which asks how I want to approach the waiting 20 soldiers is far to long. Make them more snappy and then have the rest of the writing occur once youve made that choice.

Also the game crashed when I selected my name as “Rose”. Is that the end of it so far?

Seems interesting though and with some polishing it could be a good tale. Not entirely sure what direction the story will be going though


#3

Sounds interesting. Bugs: Your save slots is not working and I got error prisonbreak line 185: increasing indent not allowed when choosing any of the available names.


#4

Interesting idea, do you plan to add gender selection at some point? Being called “they” is a bit…unsettling to me (though better than “he” I supposed :stuck_out_tongue:)


#5

My game also crashed at that point, although Rose was not my choice.


#6

I picked my own name and had no crashes, maybe everyone just needs to be named Elizabeth :laughing:


#7

Not fair, mine crashed :frowning: But maybe because of the " ’ " on the “a”. I’ll try without it.
Edit: It Works! :slight_smile:


#8

I swear im a good person but I just like playing the most evil of people


#9

I got an error affer chosing a name and when i created my own character name

Ps: i click all of those names I got a error


#10

thats strange that didn’t happen when i played it…i guess it must be a error hm i try playing the game again and see if that happens to me.


#11

I found out what was going on here it’s it’s you have to show Mercy too chose the names


#12

Knew there was still some left. I’ll go typo-slaying soon.[quote=“Maxmansung, post:2, topic:21293”]
Seems an interesting story. I normally play the baddy in any game so its nice to go fully bad and kill everyone in my way.
[/quote]

You’ll get plenty of occasions to do just that. Though it Will surely be gradual. Today one dead puppy, tomorrow the world.

I’ll see to it.

That’s not supposed to happen, it should work by tonight.[quote=“nocturne, post:3, topic:21293, full:true”]
Sounds interesting. Bugs: Your save slots is not working and I got error prisonbreak line 185: increasing indent not allowed when choosing any of the available names.
[/quote]

I know but you don’t need saves right now, so it Will have to wait, the name bug is strange, i’ll work on it as soon as i’m home.

Don’t worry that’s at the beginning ofchapter one. :wink:
EDIT:

what the ? I’ll check this out.

P.S. : Sorry for the lateness. That was a hell of a day. I curse the fool who decided to make us work till 7pm on wednesday plus work on sunday. Ther will be be retaliation !
I’m currently working on the name problem, sit tight, I’ll see what I can do. It would help if you told me precisely what happen when there’s an error.


#13

Should be working now. Test it out please.

Now it works, but I still don’t see how the hell this was messing with the code, I’m really clueless…

I hereby decree that every character of this story is named Elizabeth.

I can’t have that can I ? And yes accents tend to mess with informatic languages as a whole :wink:[quote=“jonnyboy666, post:8, topic:21293, full:true”]
I swear im a good person but I just like playing the most evil of people
[/quote]

I get you jonnyboy. I remember my first paladin in D&D, loyal good but still muredering every evil-aligned characters that got in his sight, and justifying by : “That’s justice ! He provoked me with his red aura !”.


#14

This seems like a very interesting concept and I can’t wait to see how it develops! There are some grammar mistakes and there’s also a bug I discovered when I decided to walk over to the adjudicator(?) to meet him halfway. The error says prisonbreak line 193: invalid indent, expected at least one line in ‘if’ true block.


#15

Again ? Sit tight…
EDIT: Are you sure it’s still doing that ? It seems to work fine on this end.
Please refresh the page and tell me if it works now.

Oh and if someone could be a dear and pm me the typos they find (especially in the first 3-4 scenes) that would help me greatly.

I’ll begin working on chapter one tomorrow if I’ve got the time, that’ll be an horrible week and about as horrible vacations what of the stupid who made that timesheet and who said : "hey ! They are not working their asses off quite enough ! Let’s give them homework on vacations ! After all vacations are made to work not to recuperate."
Turns out both giving the bl00dragon homework and stealing his vacations makes him the grumpiest, AND oh so salty.


#16

attacking a lone warrior “twanty” against one is twenty:blush::grinning:


#17

wut ? Squires ! Prepare my typo-slaying spear !
EDIT: Typo slayed, get back to work now, my typo hounds !


#18

this is just a theory but i believe it only douse the error whenever you choice to kill the first guard at the beginning of the game if you choice to show mercy to the guard it lets you choice your name and you can continue on with the story.


#19

Eh, maybe.
It’s working now though.


#21

yep you right it is fixed :clap: .