The "Why Are You (Feeling Emotion)" Thread


#1784

I was one of my school’s representatives in an interschool academic competition yesterday. We didn’t win, and only made it to the elimination round, but damn it sure felt good to fight in something like that.

But despite the defeat, it was pretty fun, and win or lose, I’d do it again in a heartbeat.


#1785

Whew, these last few months have been really hectic.

I’ve had 2 suicide attemps and somehow managed to make some progress. Mostly with my parents. They found out earlier this year about my depression when I had a panic attack and told them, and, well, they tried to be supportive, but they also didn’t really understand me. They basically just wanted me to “snap out of it” because “everyone has problems, and they still deal with them”. But we went to a professional and after he diagnosed me he talked with them, and they kinda understood what I’m going through. Even my mom has had some realizations about her own life and current state.

It hasn’t been smooth sailing 'tho… They still want me to get better as soon as possible. Which I want too, obviously, but that sometimes leads into them making some poor choices (well imo anyway).

Like last night. We went with a guy who is a “dianetic” or something. Which is basically a bullshit pseudoscience. But I didn’t know that at the time, so I went there with an open mind. Anyway, after we went, I told my father how I felt and he snapped, saying how I was being “narrow-minded” and acted like I don’t want to get better. But I do want to get better, i just don’t want them to waste money on bullshit like that. Thankfully, my mom was more understanding and we talked about going with a psychologist, which is something I’m more comfortable with.

And as I said, despite the fact that I’ve had suicide attemps, I have gotten a little better. I’ve been seeing a psychatrist for months now and I’m on meds. I’ve still had some… crises, but I haven’t had any suicidal or self-harming thoughts these last couple of weeks. Also, one thing I used to struggle with was that I never felt ok anywhere. When I was by myself, I wanted to be with friends, and when I was with friends, I wanted to be by myself. Now though, when I’m with friends I enjoy myself fully. I don’t get that sudden wave of depression anymore, which is a lot for me.

I also told my parents about some things I’ve kept hidden from them. Like the fact that I’m probably bisexual (and I say probably because I’m a virgin who hasn’t even dated, so I haven’t really experimented at all, but I still know that I feel attraction for both men and women). And they took it better than I expected. I mean, there was still the usual “I think you’re just confused” shtick. But if I had told them this years ago the reaction would’ve been “what the fuck are you on about? no son of mine likes men” Soooo… baby steps.

In the end though, I’m still struggling with anxiety about the future and being an emotional and economical drain on my parents. And I know that I shouldn’t feel like that, but I can’t help it. I just want to feel productive I guess, but I applied for a job a few months ago and only lasted about a week. I can barely work up the will to go brush my teeth, let alone something like a job or study.

Still, I suppose there has been some improvement. I guess there’s nothing else to do but keep going on. Maybe going through all of this shit will feel like it was worth it one day.

@augustus27 I know I’m kinda late, but I can relate to what you’re saying. Especially since I feel like that all the time, not just sometimes.

There’s nothing I can say that will help you, since I know that no amount of sympathy can objectively fix your problems, but I found this reddit comment a few weeks ago and maybe it can help you see things through another persective? It obviously didn’t help me lol, but maybe you can actually do the things it recommends. Hopefully it’ll help.


#1786

Hey All,

So, I don’t want this to be too overly sappy or whatever, but I have been feeling the need lately to thank this community. I discovered interactive fiction last summer, at a particularly low point in my life. I am an actor and girl gamer and have always been into improv and RPGs, but had no idea about this particular art form. Not only are the writers insanely talented, but this community of fans (I am basically a professional Fan Girl of sorts…I dont tend to like the things I like…I LOVE THEM :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye: In a mostly non creepy way, I promise!:heart:) in particular seem to be so very kind and accepting and helpful and hilarious and smart…I just really love you all. And thank you!

As an actor, I am really outgoing in that arena and have come up against really competitive (which i get) and gossipy (which i dont get) individuals.

In gaming…I am a girl. I am not trying to perpetuate stereotypes but I am older than half the folks on this page. Back when i started gaming, when folks found out i was an actual female they either 1. Condescended to me or 2. Sent dick pics. Lots. Of. Dick. Pics.

I am babbling because weekend…wine…etc. but I hope my message comes through. You guys are AWESOME. The writers. The fans. The folks who run this website. THANK YOU. I have come to find that many folks dont realize the effect they have on people. This community serves a grand purpose. :heart: Everyone here makes someone feel happy and appreciated even with your likes! Keep rocking on!

I will be embarrassed about this tomorrow but I wont take it down. Because you guys are fucking awesome and deserve to know it! I am.not the only one who thinks so…I just have a big ass mouth! #Thanks


#1787

I’m 39. :wink:

Thank you for choosing to be a part of our community.
Stay as long as you want!


#1788

Yes, some of us have to be in the other half…


#1789

I am 31 so yeah we are the ancient folks of the forum I am grumpy at least lol


#1790

Speaking about ‘other halves,’ what’s your take on hard sci-fi vs soft sci-fi @Gower ? This recent article by Marissa Lingen has left me feeling intellectually stimulated, and I agree that “hard” sci-fi would benefit greatly from including the other sciences.


Choice of Rebels: Uprising — Lead the revolt against a bloodthirsty empire!
#1791

34 here. There are a lot of younglings to be sure, but still plenty of us fogeys.

Read the article, never understood why people care so much about the label. Soft or hard, what matters is not the science but the entertainment. Nuclear Powered Toaster is unapologetically soft bordering on flaccid; lasers shoot and spaceships fly because they have to. Why spend a load of time explaining fictional science?

@Jender I am glad you’ve found a home here and it truly is a welcoming place. Hope you stick around for a long time!


#1792

Oh, I certainly wasn’t trying to offend the youngins :heart: I enjoy all y’all. :slight_smile: I definitely don’t want to spread negativity in a place which I have found positivity… but thanks everyone my age who has made me to feel less alone :heart:


#1793

I actually wish there had been a community like this for me, when i was younger! Cheers!


#1794

Bummed and frustrated. Frustrated and bummed.

Of course, my dog’s passing yesterday was far more than a bummer. I couldn’t keep it together yesterday but a simple hope for a doggy heaven helped me calm down. I told her to say hello to my grandmother, whom I watched grow old and pass as well recently, who as a mother raised me. Losing most mother figures. But when I close my eyes and think, I see the heaven in which is contained everything that they loved in life. And everything’s warm again.

Frustrated because I’m at my rope’s end mentally, emotionally, financially…everything-ly…I have a back and forth between seeking help and not wanting help. My docs can’t really stand me anymore and family thinks nothing is wrong because I’m young. I can’t seem to get hired even at the most entry level, I don’t know what it is on my applications that makes everyone say no. Probably the zero experience and zero references, but then how am I ever supposed to get those things without someone finally saying “yes, I’ll take a chance on her”? Denied for every other type of app as well that could dig me out of this hole.

The good news is, I see hope in the fiction and creative market. It’s not going to be an immediate fix. And I’m going to have to work really hard to prove myself! But I believe in the heart of the cards that this is where a future could lie for me. :wink:

Why can’t Christmas feel more joyful? My gay butt is having gay problems as well with a continuously friendzoned friend who also seems to friendzone me and we’ve been besties for many years but things are unraveling fast with lies and ghosting each other when we need someone to talk to the most and denial of my sexuality and general suckage. I feel like Christmas is just going to be me alone, at best I’l be left alone at worst I’m going to feel the regret of not being able to give more to family. Why is this the most whiny post ever? Can’t find a punching bag, use a forum right? :frowning:


#1795

Tell me lol All I found was insulting in Xbox 360 online because my accent and because I am a girl like seriously who cares gender during a damn rpg multiplayer?


#1796

I am so sorry. :heart: I am all ears if you need them! In my personal experience, if you feel your docs are over you…find new ones! FOR REAL IT MAKES SUCH A DIFFERENCE!!! i always blamed myself when mu doctors spoke down to me or acted frustrated…then I got GOOD doctors and it made all of the difference! Shop around, its sooooo fucking worth it! :heart: You deserve it.


#1797

I agree with this course of action. It’s not easy in a…really…small town tho. But if driving to another town means someone who will listen and asses more thoroughly, it’s worth it.


#1798

When I was younger i grew up in a small.town…so i get you. It is totally worth It though. Also, always remember that you dont have to stay there. i got the f away as soon as i could. As cliche as it seems, it gets better :heart: pm.me if you need to.talk!


#1799

Quote:

You guys always give so much to me, and this year I want to be able to give back to you. Are you or a loved one spending the holidays in the hospital? Send me an email at warmertogether2018@gmail.com and I’ll try to make your Christmas wishes come true!


#1800

41 here^^ seems to make me the oldest until now^^ I´ve been a gamer girl(must say I don’t like the word that much, in german we have also a term called “Zockerweibchen” which sounds a bit older to me, so more fitting) since I was 6 years old, starting with an atari console my dad bought before the video game crash. When younger I have not been that much into multiplayergames, so I reduced the amount of dick pics I got^^

@joyousrabbit I hope you feel a bit better soon, loosing someone is always hard, hope your christmas turns out better, than you think atm


#1801

Why am i more interested in editing TvTropes pages than revising my own CV?


#1802

I am more bothered that I generally feel empty more often and for no apparent reason. I have no idea how to deal with this, I don’t even know what this is. :man_shrugging::dizzy_face:


#1803

I just feel fucking numb , cause basically we all will die in 100 or so years and everything we achieve in our lives will practically become pointless for us in death #existentialcrisis