Quite right. It’ll fade, but never go away altogether. I still miss the dog in my profile pic and it’ll be eight years this Thanksgiving.
I am so so sorry for your loss. I know the bond that can grow between human and horse and how deep it can be and how unexpectedly you can lose them. hugs
I’m feeling…well I’m not entirely sure (fuck you emotional detachment xd), but I feel something, just explaining it isn’t easy…Maybe a mix of emotions? Well anyhoo I will finally be starting hormones! …Apparently…I say apparently, as I am literally the biggest cynic/pessimist etc ever, and until the meds are in my hands…well it doesn’t seem real to me. I could’ve never imagined this happening not that long ago, but just ordered them after getting a prescription…So yeah, I am feeling…something, though not sure what. IDK, one thing I can put my finger on is disbelief, that yeah it’s hard for me to grasp that this is actually happening, that I’ll finally begin physically transitioning. Though one way in which the waiting has benefited me is that I’m armed to the teeth with knowledge and resilience. Knowledge about effects good and bad, the NHS process, others experiences etc. And enough resilience hopefully to deal with things, I am on a 50% higher dose of my depression/anxiety meds, which is helping a lot .
Mental illness is such a strange thing.
I’m trying medication for the first time, and realised I had forgotten what it felt like to be nervous, or scared, or just having adrenaline in my body, without it resulting in an anxiety attack. It has been so long, that I’d forgotten what it felt like not to be sick, and I didn’t really understand that there was an alternative.
I’m still kinda expecting everything to spiral out of control, and I don’t know how long it will take before it feels normal.
Hopefully the side effects will go away soon.
I did something pretty cool and stupid at the same time.
long story short, i had to break into my own house because i forgot my house keys and my brother and i didn’t have the patience to wait for anyone.
I haven’t posted here in forever but since my mom and my best friend (the only two humans I really choose to interact with in real life on a consistent enough basis to just talk at) are wholly unsupportive of my being unhappy at work because… uhm… they’ve been working longer (?) I came here to express my feelings without someone trying to invalidate them. Basically my main humans are both just crap at anything relationship or work related because they either act like children and/or jaded old heads that either way don’t have time for some noob when I really just want them to listen to me so I don’t have experiences like I had tonight where I just snap the f out.
But anyway. How I’m actually feeling…
I feel like an embarrassed angry swamp witch. Why? I have horrendous anger issues, anxiety, hold myself at a certain standard, I’m on my period, and I hate my new job.
Something incredibly stupid and fixable went wrong after close but I completely blew my freaking top, cursed for about three minutes, and then started crying because my tear ducts are attached to my anger, frustration, and period. Add in that crying always pisses me off even further and it makes it even harder to get past it. I definitely spent 15 minutes trying to get my brain, mouth, and face together (face successful, brain not so much, mouth never) while still trying to work. All I wanted to do was to home and I had an extra 10 minutes added on due to the accident (food prepped for the morning hit the floor and had to make more prep, like I said incredibly stupid and fixable). But the management is insane and will want to know why we were there so late and why I had to throw away food even though I wrote it on the waste note so they are probably going to watch it on camera and they may even make me pay for it. Not to mention my poor 18 year old coworker did not deserve to deal with any of it and I might have to bake her shortbread cookies as an apology. Just altogether an unacceptably unprofessional and uncomfortable situation for me. So yeah. Embarrassed angry swamp witch.
Also. Not excited for my next 3 days off because I think I’m going to spend them looking for a new job and I’ve only been at this one 3 weeks. But they’re petty, have a terrible set up, are just generally crazy, and my period wouldn’t let me act like I was going to be able to be okay with it any longer considering I snapped over some fallen veggies.
@Monk65 Well… i think i understand how you felt since me myself not having a very good day … all of a sudden , tasks are pouring from multiple quarters just because i can do it… Hence, i decided to stop all my tasks, pack up and go back early … there is always tomorrow, so we shouldn’t stress too much to be honest
You shouldn’t worry too much about what your manager say… just give them your winning smile no matter how much they yell , and they will let go of you… at least that work well for me :-)