Take your time, bro.
Welcome back. The land’s of depression are a hellscape few return from. I’ve got a summer , winter, spring and fall home there But it’s good you’re doing what you can to emerge from them
Lol thanks you two, like that description of depression!
Two things: first, if you are curious what depression feels like, listen to “No Rain” by Blind Melon. I play that song on repeat, because it’s literally the best description I have for how I’m feeling when I’m in a depressive low.
Second, I have good news, yay
After months and months of getting by on freelance work (by the way, definitely not my favorite thing in the world. How some people willingly become starving artists is beyond me. You guys rock), I’m starting a full-time job again on the 10th, yay! it’s at a company whose cubicles are actually 1 cube per person instead of half a cube for two people (cough here’s looking at you Giant Insurance Company i used to work for cough), so I’m really hoping it works out well. I’m a little concerned that it’s 45 hours a week with 12-15 hours a week (15 during training, 12 once I go to my 4-day shift) spent commuting, because that’s definitely a lot of stress, but…The company is fantastic, and I look forward to working with them.
In other news, for the last 7 or so weeks, I’ve been taking my uncle to chemo and radiation, as his patient advocate, and last Tuesday was his final radiation appointment! We’ll find out if he’s cancer-free in about 6 weeks - just in time for his birthday, which is exciting
Also, my bunny, Poe (whom many of you know from the fur babies thread, lol) was given about 3-6 months to live by the vet (congenital defect. don’t buy, guys. adopt. :C) over 8 months ago, and he’s still going strong!
And for those of you guys who are feeling depressed and down, as much as I’m not on the forums as much as I used to be, I’m always there to chat if you need someone
Well, I don’t really know who else I can say this kind of stuff to, so here you go CoG forum, you get to read my jumbled thoughts. I feel like I should put a warning here, I don’t know for what, but something about what I’m feeling feels like I should just warn people who might be sensitive to it in advance.
I’m just tired of it all. This whole thing of existing is quite tiring. I wouldn’t try to kill myself, but if I was given the option to just stop existing, I would take it. There’s nothing in particular that makes me feel like this. Most days I come home, say hi to my family, talk to them a bit, then go upstairs. But while I’m by myself I realize just how tired I really am. Not of anything, but just tired of being.
It’s not much better when I’m around others, because then all I can think of is how much I want to be alone. It’s odd. I also find myself thinking “I want to go home” a lot of the time. The problem is, I also think this when I am home.
The only time I’m okay with existing is right before I’m about to sleep. That’s when I know I’ll be able to either feel something for a few hours, get closer to the next day, which means occupying myself with things I hate but still do because the keep my distracted for a while, or, on the really weird days, I just wait for the next day so I’m a day closer to not being anymore. Again, I wouldn’t try to commit suicide, but existing feels like a chore to me, and I wish it didn’t.
Thanks to anyone who managed to get through that mess, I just had to get this off my chest.
I’ve always hated the word devastated, because I thought it was overdramatic and unnecessary. I am a stoic person in general, and I can’t help it; I am not diagnosed with any illness but I find it hard to express emotions, so most times folks think I don’t care about anything.
Today I lost my cat. She didn’t pass away, I quite literally lost her, nowhere to be found. I can’t say I am the best pet caretaker there is, or even a good one. I also can’t state I had the best bond with my pet, knowing other people who have had cats for an extremely longer period of time compared to me. Even still, this is the first time I use the expression devastated to describe my feelings. I would expand on it, was I a good writer, but I am not. My cat was one of the few who could love me without ever judging me, or asking for anything much in return. She was a member of my family and now that she’s gone, I am feeling a part of me lost, drowned in an abyss.
I don’t think writing this helped, much, but here you go regardless.
Please take care of your pets and show them the love they deserve.
I really, truly, extremely hard hope that you will find her, or that she will miraculously return on your doorstep or in the windowsill or whatever it is that she normally walks to enter and exit your house.
I hope so too.
This sums me up
I lost my first cat. He died. He was attacked by something. A dog maybe.
Devastated is the only word for how I felt. I cried so hard I couldn’t see. I couldn’t breathe. It didn’t last. I grieved, and moved on, but for that one night i was so heartbroken i was incapable of anything but my own misery.
I don’t know if you feel any better now, but I hope you will soon. I believe you will.
I an extremely sorry for your loss, a part of me thought I’d never see my cat again, but I did just a few minutes ago!
I have found her despite my doubts. She was rather unclean and dirty, but the only thing that concerned me were the minor burn marks on her ears, presumably from cigarettes. My excitement equals the amount of disgust and anger I have towards those who have done such a thing, but thankfully, it’s nothing major!
I wish I could like that a hundred times. I’m so glad you found your cat!