The "Why Are You (Feeling Emotion)" Thread


#1286

I know I’ve been absent for a while, but thanks guys, I really appreciate it.

We got the apartment, and will get the keys dec 1st, at the latest.
Hopefully I will feel better when the move is completed.
I’m looking forward to finally buy and play all the new games, and maybe even get back to working on some myself.


#1287

I’m playing dnd later tonight and one of my friends who’s missed basically all the sessions for the past like 6+ months because of her work schedule is finally rejoining the campaign! Our class schedules are completely different so I’ve hardly seen her since the end of spring semester

Her past two jobs have been pretty sucky. Her bosses were unnecessarily nasty and manipulative and insulted her personally at times and she just quit her last job and got a new one and it seems to be better than the past two! ;w;


#1288

I’m feeling annoyed because one of my neighbours is playing the piano very badly.


#1289

I had a pretty good day yesterday and felt pretty crappy today and it’s really annoying how that keeps happening

One of my cousins got married today, not one that I really know at all, and not only do I kind of hate going to weddings, but also this was horribly timed because I’m into two of my final projects of the semester and the project just before the final for a third class. That second to last project is due Monday and since I was gone basically all day, I didn’t have the time to work so it was almost all I could think about today and it was really stressing my out

I’m also basically the only one in my family who’s not straight, cis, or religious and no one knows that which was also really stressful so even if I didn’t have a project due I still wouldn’t have had a good time


#1290

So this is what this place is, for a while I’ve looked here and said well that is great that people are getting writing advice to help make charecter more emotionally relatable, well looks like I didn’t learn to not judge a book by its cover.

Well I have had a couple of bad events for the last two and a half months, first I got suspend from school for making a joke that went a little to far into dark humor that some wimps didn’t get and thought I was being serious and I wasn’t even talked to about it, just kicked out like they feared me. Had to do class and home work the entire time with no lessons to teach me the materials and later learned I was only receiving only a good portion of what I was supposed to have. Got okay grades only after I stayed up all night to do the work, turns out everyone thought I had left but luckily we’re still keeping in touch with me. I finally came back after going to a psicatrist and it turns out I have a mental condition(just don’t want to share which one) and now I have to act like a little good boy or else I’m gonna get kicked out faster then you can blink. Now I have to do all the work I missed(turns out I only did half of the work at home) while learning the new lessons at the same time and to top it all off my two of my only 3 real friends consist of: a friend who I’m pretty sure I can get toghether with if only I knew how (the mental condition stops that) and is semi self-diagnosed “psychotic” and my other friend who I saw as a younger version of myself is becoming a spineless, arrogant, and biased version of me who is just having a bad experience but doesn’t know how to stop it or cope with it

Wow, that felt great to get out. This was therapeutic. thank you shashira for making this☺️


#1291

And idk sometimes I feel like I’m too sensitive? Emotional?

I mean like I’ve spent all my life being walked over and just putting up with a whole lot of shit and I’ve just gotten sick of it so I’ve tried to stick up for myself more but all I get is “Sorry I offended you” or “It was just a joke” or “I can’t bully you, we’re friends/family” or “I’m doing [whatever the hell it is] for your own good” or something like that and it’s just so tiring?

And as soon as I out my self as queer/not white/mentally ill/etc I’m suddenly treated as a representative of all people who also have that single quality and suddenly whether or not whoever I’m talking to sees those people as people rests on my shoulders as if I was voted leader of the hivemind or something

Which is kind of part of why I don’t exactly want to come out to my family, but that’s a whole other story

And the moment I go “Hey, this thing you’re doing to me makes me uncomfortable, can you please stop/can we interact in a different way?” (and yes, that is literally my basic script for telling people I’m uncomfortable with something) people get all defensive like “How was I supposed to know? How dare you point out that I’m not a perfect human being all the time?” as if I’m trying to attack them? When I just want to stop feeling uncomfortable? Like it’s not like I’m asking to be worshipped or anything, I just want to be treated as an adult human being who’s trying to have a life and not be constantly belittled by the people around me

I spent four years stuck in a toxic relationship with someone who bullied and patronized me constantly because it “built character” and “was just some friendly joking” and frequently disrespected my boundaries and privacy because I was “at risk of hurting myself and couldn’t be trusted on my own” to the point that other people stepped in to tell that person to back off without even being asked and I just don’t want to repeat that and yet when I finally start sticking up for myself, I’m treated like the bad guy


#1292

Standard Disclaimer: I am not a counselor.

There’s no easy answer, and I’m sorry for all the things you’ve had to endure.
What’s not right is not right, and there’s no excuse for it.

Probably the best advice I can give right now is to try and stay focused on the future.
Living on your own; having your own income; being self-sufficient; being your own person.

Just don’t for a second believe that this is the best that life has to offer or that your situation will never improve.

Tell yourself that you are a good and worthwhile person, and that you don’t have to put up with substandard treatment from anyone (abuse goes without saying – no one has to put up with that, ever).

Also, don’t let past trauma become your identity; don’t let negative experiences overtake your sense of self.
Be positive, and make the future you envision into a reality, one step at a time.


#1293

For three months now I’ve been experiencing a lot of self hatred.( while reading this keep in mind I find help as a weakness and I am not open to my emotions very much)

Everyday, all of a sudden, I have a flashback of an unwanted memory from my past, such as me stealing 50 cents from a neighbors bathroom. They caught me and I was terribly ashamed and embarrassed, and that same feeling of embarrassment I can still feel vividly even though it happened 11 years ago. Like all around me are triggers to painful memories of my past and there are only a few of which actually bring joy. At night I always think what could have happened if I didn’t do this and instead do that. I’ve gotten to a point where the flooding of regrets and misery of my past, which is a long list that will be if so asked about(I rather not talk about it, but doesn’t bother me to ask what happened), that I’ve considered suicide as a valid escape from these thoughts. My brains constantly reflects, and thus the reason why I must have a distraction most of the time of else I am alone contemplating on the pros and cons of suicide, deep philosophical ideas, and over all depressing thoughts. I do go to a therapist and throw on a good facade that I am fine because I don’t believe in other people to aid my personal affairs. Most of the time I can run my fake happy face without nobody noticing that I am depressed and suicidal. I don’t talk to my parents as a fear that I will have to go to another, which is currently at 10, to treat something so small. I tell my friends and they just assume it’s a joke because I am open that I am suicidal and make a joke about it. Though when I am alone, I am drowned in thoughts and depression. Sorry if this seemed like an utter mess since my mind is racing at 200kph and I just needed to type down my thoughts.


#1294

That sounds really, really hard. This thread has so many people willing to listen and lend a friendly ear. I’m glad you shared what you did, even if you find help a weakness.

Brains can be the worst. Also the best, though.


#1295

Ever looked at a situation, saw that there was no hope of fixing it and just…gave up?

I’m most definitely going to fail Physics. I got a 7 on my second Calculus midterm, so I just lost all hope on that. My secobs Computer Science midterm is up, and I don’t know a single thing on any of the material, and I am not motivated at all to study.

I just looked at everything and simply stopped caring. There was no shame, no guilt, nothing. Apathy holds me in her grip, and I’m not planning on struggling out of it anytime soon.

However, I’m not the only one. There are countless other students who are failing all their classes. Actually, a lot of college students apparently have minor/major depression?

At this point, I’m just hoping for that 2.0 GPA.


#1296

Yes. You have most likely heard this before but you are not alone. Your college should have services that you can utilize and at least some of those services should be free or on a volunteer basis.

Depression is not uncommon at school.


#1297

I mean, I have heard about a counselling center at my college.

The problem is that I (I shit you not) still can’t find it. Like, the receptionist explains to me in detail where it is, yet I just end up getting lost.


#1298

Does your campus offer volunteer guides? My college had guides that took newbs to places they couldn’t find. (It is how I found out where the student health clinic was on my campus) Ironically, it was down the campus street from my dorm. I felt really dumb that day.

Edit - does your phone have a GPS app available for it? Perhaps you can use that to direct you?


#1299

If there is a professor you trust, you might consider asking them to help you find it. Depression makes everything really hard, and I totally get having a hard time finding stuff. I can’t speak for all professors, obviously, but a ton of the ones I know really, really want to help if you let us know how we can help, and that goes way above and beyond meeting in office hours to talk about a paper.

I mention it because I have walked students to the counseling center more than once, and helped them get appointments, and hung out with them while they got information. We are trained to do so if a student needs us to, but even if the professors aren’t specifically trained to, I hope some nice person, if you ask them explicitly, “would you walk me there; I need help, but I’m having trouble finding it?” will walk there with you.


#1300

Sometimes I feel like people make fun of me behind my back for caring about things. Like yeah it doesn’t matter what randos on the internet think about me and I tell myself that all the time and everything and I haven’t been into that macho/edgy/apathy thing since I was like thirteen anyways and my emotions can get really intense even if I don’t really show it so it’s not like I want to pretend I’m above caring about things or having emotions or that I’m gonna apologize for feeling things or anything but like. It kinda sucks

I don’t know how it became a “”“controversial”"" opinion, but caring things that affect other people more than they affect yourself is not supposed to be a cringy thing?

And also unrelated but I think a guy I go to school with and actually talk to is kinda cute so naturally my brain decides to get self conscious and dysphoric so that’s fun


#1301

Sorry to hear about this, Turk. I actually used to spend a lot of time reflecting on past embarrassments and missed opportunities too, just constantly filled with regret. But I almost never do that now. The key is that if you are that unhappy with what you did in the past, you probably don’t like where you are in the present. Just try to figure out what would make you happy. A healthy relationship, a good job, a family, whatever it is. Work towards getting it (obviously some of this is out of your control, but not as much as you might think). And accept this one truth: if you can be happy about who you are now, then every decision both good and bad in your past was worthwhile, because even a seemingly bad one was still a part of making you who you are today. Every crap job, every moral mistake, every romantic rejection or failed relationship, is a learning experience getting us ready to be our better selves if we just learn from it and try to do better the next time instead of bemoaning the static nature of the past.

As a Christian I believe this is proof of God’s plan, and how he can use crap things to make something better down the line in a way we could never predict or expect. But I like to think this idea would still work even if you are not spiritual. I won’t tell you to let go of he past, because it is never that easy. But harness it, let it show you what mistakes not to make going forward. And once you’re more satisfied with yourself, I can pretty much promise you won’t get plagued by these reflections anywhere near as often. And if you need anything, that’s why this thread is here.


#1302

Ugh so I’m into the doll/toy customizing hobby and there’s this one person I follow on youtube/intagram and I don’t know why I bother looking at other comments anymore because they always piss me off so much

People are just constantly demanding things from her when she just does this as a hobby and I don’t mean making polite suggestions, there are literally like ten comments in a row that just go like “Make so-and-so” or “I don’t like this design that you made, you should do it differently”. There’s a world of a difference between giving suggestions for a design when asked and telling someone to scrap everything someone has done so far for their own project that they’re doing for fun just because it doesn’t fit your personal style

And this person recently finished doing an Eeveelution series and said that they want to take a break from doing Pokemon-related things and series for a while because that series took nine months to finish and she has other ideas she wants to do but people still keep telling her to make more pokemon or do another series

And last week I joined a livestream she did and she just kept getting a ton of random dudes saying really gross sexual things to her like “you’re so hot show me your tits” and things like that. I reported those guys when I saw them and, when someone else asked about the comments, she said she just ignored them but it was still really awful?

Is it really so hard to just be a decent human being and treat others like people?


#1303

Lately I’ve been pondering after my last post what is making my life miserable, I live in a nice house, middle class family, and I am currently in High school. My parents are the parents who holds everything you like until you have strait A’s. That enough puts a huge amount of pressure on me. Then I have really two bad teachers, one is bad because he doesn’t fit my learning style, and the other is just annoying and hypocritical. Then on top of that I have high anxiety and adhd. The medication I take controls my mood and energy, which has hugely impacted my life since I wasnt able to fully learn at all until I took them. I missed 6 years of education because of it.
I used to be a person who enjoyed academics and stressed out over a B+. However, this year I am having a huge amount of apathy towards schoolwork and school in general, and my parents aren’t too happy about that. I constantly get lectured about my grades and I am getting a little sick of it. They threaten to take away my computer, which is the thing that distracts me from suicidal thoughts and vent stress. However, they don’t get it at all. On top of that I had zero friends last year and now that I am hanging out with them my parents are restricting time with them. Thus I go on strike to flunk all my classes. My parents appease to my requests, and I know this is churlish behaviour, but my laptop is one of my few sources of entertainment. This usually happens weekly and it is just more stress I don’t need in my life; school is already enough stress for a week. The only time I don’t feel stressed is when I don’t take my meds.
My meds control my mood and levels of energy well, however, they do create suicidal thoughts and overall a depressing mood. On a couple occasions I forget to take them and I feel the happiest chap there is to be. Not stressed out, worried or depressed. I go into a mood of a reactionary person does. Go with the flow and adjust as so. People tend to mistake me as me being high off of drugs because I am so gleeful and not my normal depressing self. This fills me with conflicting thoughts. Should I not take my meds become uranium reactor(ill explain later) and enjoy myself or become a coal generator and be drowsy, depressed and self hating. In fact I don’t even know if a 15 year old should be worried about all of this. After looking back my life is average and I shouldn’t be worried or stressed out at all, but i am. Nuclear reactor is high energy but very unstable, so I am energetic but very volatile with emotions. Coal generator is low energy but very stable so very low energy but not spontaneous emotion. Sorry for such another long post.


#1304

That’s definitely something you’ll need to talk to your doctor about. I’m not a medical profession nor am I on meds, but from what I’d looked up myself and from what I’ve been told by my friends who are on meds, increased suicidal ideation is an unfortunate side affect of some of the most common prescriptions. Just quitting your meds cold turkey can also be really dangerous though and can actually mess you up more, so you should definitely talk to a doctor about how your meds aren’t working for you right now and figure out what to do from there with their guidance

What you’re going through right now really sucks and you’re definitely not alone in this. Recovery is hard, but you shouldn’t have think that instability and misery are your only options


#1305

Major kudos to Sashira and everyone who has shared! This is an awesome initiative.

I’ve been feeling, well, numb for a while. I dragged myself out of depression in High School by focusing entirely on my work and finding validation in subsequent professional/academic success. It’s worked fine for the past five years (senior in college, currently applying to doctorate programs. Please kill me) but I find now that my entire identity is rooted in being successful in my endeavors, to the point that I pathologically chase accolades to fill a void that I haven’t been able to fill with substances or affection and am very much afraid that this inner gnawing will just consume me at some point. I try to push past it and conceal rather than feel but every now and then I’m hit with a visceral knowledge of how much I’m suffocating inside myself.