I’m stressed out and so full of anxiety that I’m about to break down any second.
We’re homeless, and living at our friends place is really chaotic for my autistic, anxiety-ridden self. Especially since they tend to let small problems fester untill they are super angry about them before actually telling us.
We come from a really bad living situation, and I really need to restore some normality and my energy reserves, but that is just not possible.
To top it all up, I feel so guilty and shameful about feeling bad, when they are letting us stay in their home at almost no cost, and I can’t talk to them about it, because I’m afraid I’ll be seen as an ungrateful jerk.
I am so bloody desperate to find a place to live, a place that’s mine, filled with my things, but it’s really hard to find anything to rent within the size and price we need, especially since we have a cat and no car.
I am really scared that we will end up settling for something too pricey or too small, and will end up ruining the next few years for ourselves because of it.
Last week was the end of the weekly course/seminar I have been attending the last few months, and this thursday, after returning home from the debriefing meeting, all the stress I had been pushing away to be able to attend as a semi-functioning human being came rushing back to me.
And that was the evening our housemates decided to bring up every little problem from the last two months.
So now I’m back at my breaking point, just trying to keep the pieces together, constantly distracting myself or crying into my boyfriends shoulder, my cat or pillow.
We are going to go look at an apartment on monday, and I want it so badly, and I am so bloody terrified that something will go wrong.