The "Why Are You (Feeling Emotion)" Thread


#997

I am feeling a bit sad. People were trying to justify gender-locking a story (which is an author’s right) using actual history - yet when looking at the actual history of the closest real-life situation, the actual real-life history poins to a non-gender locking reality.

I guess it just makes me realize that you can have two people look at the same objective facts but still come to opposing conclusions.

In the case of this story, since the author is one of my favorite here and the story is based in a historical period I love, it makes me more aware of the opportunities missed.

I hope if there truly is a sequel, it will not be gender-locked but I will have to wait and see.


#998

I’m feeing sad. And guilty, I guess.
A girl tried to commit suicide a few days ago. She’s still alive, thank god, but she could have really, actually died. I still can’t really wrap my head around it. We weren’t close friends or anything, but I’ve known her since elementary. We just have separate groups of friends. And apparently, her friends were absolute selfish punks. Two girls she always hanged out with turned on her, and behind-the-scenes there was some hardcore cyber bullying ring directed at her, the ringleaders of which were ‘apparently’ her two friends. No one really knows anything at this point and administration hasn’t addressed it whatsoever, which is bullcrap. I feel frustrated. Angry. Sad. And I keep imagining what would have happened if she had actually died. She’s always been so nice to me in passing conversations, and she’s a straight-A student. She didn’t die, but what if she did? And I keep thinking how I could have talked to her to stop her from taking things so far. I heard the argument between her and her friends; I didn’t know about any of the behind-the-scenes stuff, but I don’t know. I should have talked to her. Anyway. That was my school week.


#999

Surprised and a little happy. Bought some tofu chips/fries and got one smiley face added.

Today is starting wonderful…


#1000

I want to eat nothing but smiley face fried potatoes for the rest of my life.


#1001

I’m humored to find out that Weird Al sang the trailer song for the Captain Underpants movie.


#1002

I feel like I’m about to blow a gasket.

I would consider myself to be well into the socialist territory, and I’m getting more and more frustrated with how my country seems to be getting corrupted by big business and a certain oompa-loompa. The worst part though, is that it feels like at this point we’re just letting them get away scot-free with everything, while people’s lives regress with every passing year to the point where we’re slaves in all but name, and it harkens to an era found in my history text books.

I can go more into detail, but that’s for another thread. I’m already feeling the beginnings of a migrain set in, anyway, and politics is always a toxic place to go to, anyway. But it feels good to vent out my (cathartic) frustrations, if only a little.


#1003

Just got back from grocery shopping. One of the neighboring kids shot a nerf gun at my face, point blank. The dart hit my glasses and ricocheted back on his forehead. He cried.

I’m feeling pretty good.


#1004

I feel so relieved and joyful.
Just today, I managed to get a decent grade that wouldn’t make me despised by my parents and wouldn’t let the school take out more of my time. It pisses me off how the teacher of this absolutely useless, time wasting, filler class is so strict about everything involving it. God, I still think that attending the public school is a privilege and I should be thankful that a person of my wealth can get an education, but there are just so much moments about the school I hate (such as being smacked by a psychotic member of the staff for something I haven’t done) . But at least if I will survive this week I will be free of this for 3 months.


#1005

Urgh. I feel urgh.

Today was my last final exam for the semester. Didn’t sleep for 2 days just to study. It was going well, actually. My paragraphs somehow flowed together, I’ve got enough facts, and whenever I hit a wall I hum Tchaikovsky in my head to remind me of the readings (Swan Lake: France and the revolution, Nutcracker: Industrial revolution, Sleeping Beauty: everything else). I think that it was going swimmingly…

…until my pen broke somewhere around the second phase of the French revolution, something about the Jacobins. Prof’s really strict, black pens only, no talking at all, not even to him, but thankfully brought 3 extra pens in case something like this happened. They all didn’t last well. I can’t ask someone for an extra pen, I can’t ask the professor for an extra pen. There were only a few minutes left, so even if one of my pens somehow managed to resurrect itself, I wouldn’t be able to squeeze in something about Peter the Great in the next paragraph. So I turned in my unfinished exam instead.

It’s like the universe was fucking with me.


#1006

Your professor is an asshole.


#1007

Simply calling him an ‘asshole’ won’t suffice.

He’s more of a ‘wrinkly, smelly asshole with misty poop particles hanging from it’.

That sounds better.


#1008

hi guys i am back from the dead and i have a update regarding my father so about a week after i turned 18 he called me he wished me a happy birthday and said that he was too ‘busy’ to call or send a gift on my birthday (honestly i’am surprised that he still thinks i expects a gift considering the fact that he never sent anything since i was five) and he when went on a 10 minute lecture about how i am now a ‘man’ now and that i have to get a job and that i have to save up for college and ‘take care of my mom’ and find a ‘good Christian girl’ after he was done i managed to work up enough to confront him a about shit he has put my family through his tone had change from arrogant to hateful he said that i was used by my mother to get more money out of him and that i was ‘a gay little bitch’ and that i should be grateful for everything he has done for me after that i had to quit life for a while i fell into a deep depression and was hospitalized for a time after that i have been seeing a therapist so if you have been wondering where i I’ve been well now you know needles to say i will never talk to him again


#1009

I feel accomplished tonight. I learned to salsa dance!


#1010

Stressed is the best way to put my emotions right now.

My girlfriend of 3 years left me on Easter last month and at times I’m still struggling with losing her and it doesn’t help that my mate showed me a picture of her since she went on a spur of the moment trip to Tunisia. I’ve blocked her on all social media to avoid anything else but I feel so lost. I understand moving on and getting over it and I wish I could forget three years of my life but it’s difficult.

I wonder what’s she’s doing or who’s she’s with when I should be focusing on other things. I hope those quotes about when you’re in the dark you’ll appreciate the light more or maybe you’ll even see the stars is true. I’m sure in a year I will wonder what I was thinking but in the here and now it just sucks.


#1011

So…I saw my grades this semester.

Twelve units failed, nine units passed. Nine units of my failures were all major subjects, and the remaining three are required units for graduation. With those failed grades, I can’t shift to history. Or any other major in my college. Or any other college within the university. My scholarship has gone down the drain. I’m a non-major student for three years in the running now.

(And for those who are aware of my old posts in this thread, about the asshole teacher? yeah, he failed me.)

Strangely enough, I felt nothing, seeing my worst grades in my history of being a college student. I was just, “oh, okay” and closed the tab. I felt worse during freshman year because of one bad grade. But with four failed classes? Just a tightening of the chest, and nothing else. I guess it’s because I’ve already cried my tears out a few days ago and I’m already sick and tired of feeling bad about myself. Or maybe it’s because deep down inside, I know I deserve all those marks (especially those last three units for graduation–Mondays are the days when I lose to my depression). Those prayers, sleepless nights, skipped meals, damages to my psyche, and all the sick days that I ignored just so I could go to school paid off in some classes, but they weren’t enough for the others.

Is this the effect of adopting a “whatever will be, will be” attitude? Not sure if it’s a healthy outlook in life, but it feels different. Not sure if I like what I’m feeling,though. All I can say is that it’s different.

(But now that I’ve accepted everything, what now? What’s next?)


#1012
So, this thing:

I know a guy who took ten years to earn his undergraduate degree. He was on academic probation a few times, then on academic dismissal. He came back from that. He struggled with a whole bunch of issues, mostly on his own, some of them personal, others having to do with how the material was presented. But he never considered himself below par when it came to intelligence or being able to understand whatever concept it was.

One of his main issues, it turned out, was that he was using the “struggle” with college courses as a way to process feelings of grief, and loss. The idea was that he would distract himself from the pain, so as not to feel it. Through the years, he had professors tell him that he shouldn’t be at University; also that he didn’t have a right to question them because he was simply an undergraduate student and they were full professors who had been teaching for X number of years. They made him believe that he was never meant to fulfill his dream of teaching, and that he should just try to go into the fast food industry because “they hire anybody.”

Part of why it took that guy so long is because he took the same classes over (and over and over and over again, if necessary) until he got his GPA above a 3.0. Once he graduated he changed cities and enrolled in a Master’s program. He completed that program in about two and a half years. He’s never doubted himself since.

So, to specifically address some of the things you mentioned… Don’t beat yourself up more than you have to. Just find out what you could have done better (examples: time management, taking notes, sleeping enough, studying enough, being able to write what they want you to write, and not what you want to write, etc.) step by step. Also find out if any personal issues are preventing you from achieving success, and deal with those. Talking to a counselor who actually gives a damn may help this tremendously. Last but not least, don’t give up on life and don’t give up on yourself. Imagine yourself in your dream job after college and reverse-engineer your success from that, i.e. what steps would you have to take to make that dream into a reality (but working backwards so that you draw a clear line from then till now).


#1013

I’ve been in a weird, in-between mood lately. Idk if it’s because i’ve been pmsing for like a week, and now im on my period (spoiler to avoid TMI), or if it’s just my consistently odd mental state being…odder than usual.

Bright side – I’m in the early processes of accepting a job with IKEA, who pays incredibly well. Like…starting at 45% higher than I currently make at a leading online retailer. It’s double what I made at my first management job – and the IKEA job is entry-level. Insane. Assuming I pass the background check (which I should unless they’re iffy about my credit history), I should have a job with them in the next few days, yay.

Soooooo I have no idea why I feel weird. Bought my first car (100% by myself, anyhow) on May 13th and just got the official license plates today. Have my own cell phone bill and working on getting insurance separate from my parents (yay, financial independence!). Idk. I don’t feel bad, but I don’t feel good, either.

I feel like when I’m on my mood stabilizer meds, which I’m not on, because I don’t like this feeling, lmao.


#1015

hehehe oops, must of accidentally put it on the wrong topic. Must have changed when I checked something, sorry.


#1016

Exhausted. I’m in the middle of moving right now, so my expenses are a lot more drained than usual, and my dog will be the death of me. He started limping and not putting pressure on one of his paws because in between his toes he had a bleeding bump. I soaked it in salts, wrapped it up, and took him to the vet where it turns out he used to have a foxtail embedded there. “Used to have”, key words, because it had been removed (presumably by the salt soaks). My vet told me to just keep soaking it and gave me some dog aspirin because is would be fine on its own. That cost a few hundred dollars but it’s whatever, he’s my dog and I’d do anything for him. Better safe than sorry. Anyways, I brought him over to my new place because there are no foxtails, weeds, or even slightly-longer-than-uniform pieces of grass anywhere in the vicinity of the neighborhood. Well, literally three days later (today) I noticed he was licking the same paw again. I inspected it and now, on the same exact paw, on the back of his foot in a new location he has a giant, infected looking, bump that seems pretty nasty. How dog!? I am flat broke at the moment but now I have to take him to the vet again (guess I’ll have to dip into my “do not touch” savings) and ask one of my buddies to take him today because I can’t miss work again. I could handle one money emergency this month, but this is the third.

I’m just anxious because he’s my best friend (my mates get jealous of how much attention I give him :joy:) and it looks pretty bad, and because there goes my extra emergency funds in the middle of a lot of things. :grimacing::sob: Thankfully he doesn’t seem to be in much pain, if at all, so small comforts.


#1017

Welp, truth told, I think I’m on the edge of yet another depression. yay, depression~

I’m probably never going to see my niece and nephew again because my brother’s ex is vindictive even though not letting me see the kids won’t hurt my brother at all. But this hurts extra hard because my only real contribution to the world has been to help guide them through their early years, and to be some comfort to them. I lost a semester of school to help take care of them when my nephew was born and my brother’s ex wanted to go back to school herself. I don’t begrudge losing the semester - I’d do anything for these kids. Now, not being able to even see them or talk to them… it hurts.

If I’d been given more of a chance to say, “bye, I’ll always love you, and I’ll never forget you,” I think I’d be able to soldier through this. I don’t want them to think that I don’t love them in any capacity, or that I’m staying away on purpose because I’m not. I hope beyond hope that they don’t think I abandoned them, because knowing that I hurt them in some way would be the worst possible thing.

I don’t know. She even acknowledged that the kids wanted to see me, too. How does this help anybody? My brother’s an ass who doesn’t care that this is hurting me, and I have a suspicion that he really doesn’t care about the kids. He’s too immature for parenthood. So’s their mom, but she’s a whole other can of worms that I’d rather not open up because I’d want to smash those worms to bits.

Okay. That’s all. Hopefully it’s legible. Thank y’all for allowing me to vent.

I hope all y’all’s day’s are going well, and if they’re not, I hope they get better for you. If that doesn’t seem to be in the forecast, know I’m sending good vibes your way.