The "Why Are You (Feeling Emotion)" Thread


#914

Ummm, highly disagree, as literally all studies that I’ve read dispute that. If you’ve got studies that prove me wrong, you should post them in the Sociopathy Thread.

All that being said…I’m here to talk about me, just like everyone else, lol. I’ve been feeling really complex, lately. Last night, I had to publicly call out my grandmother on facebook, because she has never once tried to be a part of my life – ever. I turn 22 on April 24th, but she thinks now is the time to tell me that I shouldn’t use “effing” as an adjective nor have opinions on politics that differ from hers (last night she posted a meme that the 2nd Amendment has done more for women’s equality than the ENTIRETY of the feminist movement, so…like…even more than voting equality…).

Basically, it’s like she’s trying to make up for lost years not by, you know, being a family member, but by trying to tell me to be a “good Christian girl” and other such things. But I’m not kidding when I say I went EIGHT YEARS without hearing from her, like, ever, except this one time when I got a job at 18 and she tried to guilt me into sending her money “my daughter died a year ago, Valerie! She’s been supporting me for the last 10 years!”

And I flat out told her that’s what happens when she decides she only loves her daughters’ kids rather than her sons’. My grandmother, for the first 10 years of my life, lived less than 3 minutes from the two different houses I lived in during that time span. The first house, I have no recollection of her ever visiting, and I think she visited the second house a grand total of 4 times in the 6 years I lived there. I specifically remember going to her house for a surprise visit two or three times as a kid and watching her hide behind a couch and telling her favorite daughter (the one who’s dead now, may she rest in peace) and grandkids not to answer the door.

So when this happens: (spoilers for coarse language)


I’m just like whatever. I’m used to her trying this BS. She didn’t respond, as she never does…Until yesterday evening, 30 March. On another comment in the thread, about stuff almost completely unrelated, she decided to pull some sarcastic BS out of her rear-end and tell me –

So I finally broke down and tore her a new rearend. I have tried private messaging this woman about how she speaks to me, but she ignores it. She has never once responded to a text from me, and she ignores my calls. I am not a disrespectful person – even as she’s being nasty with me, I, time and again, go out of my way to use extremely polite language. I have the right to disagree with her, however, which she just doesn’t seem to understand. She allows my cousins to get away with murder – my one cousin literally got arrested for driving while on synthetic pot that she got whilst living with my grandmother, completely totaling her car and causing over $15k of damage to a government building in their state, but I digress.

So…perhaps what I need is to feel like I didn’t do a bad thing by calling my grandmother out publicly. I try not to be that kind of person. I really do, yet here I am, posting to you guys because I feel guilty and hurt, etc. etc.


#915

@Lightsavior Huh. :confused: I heard/read differently. I thought all the work neuroscientists had done with brain scans and finding flat affect had proven it was genetic.

@poison_mara

No, no, no…I was NOT implying you were. Though I guess re-reading my post (“I have to ask” “don’t kill me”) I could see how you could get the idea. :confounded: I’m sorry if I offended you accidentally. The “don’t kill me” was figurative-as in “don’t get mad.” :wink: “I have to ask” was about the personal reasons why I wanted to know, that have to do with me and my life (which I really don’t feel comfortable posting about on this very public forum), nothing to do with you. :slight_smile:


#916

No I got that, lol. But I was putting it clear to people don’t figure out something. Who knows maybe if that woman raised me I ended up like her. You never know.


#917

Grandmas are uniquely difficult to get along with.


#919

i’m feeling pretty excited and kinda anxious. i mentioned that i graduated quite a few post ago and now, my family and i are getting ready for our trip to Osaka that is going to happen two weeks from now.

i can’t wait for it!


#920

Bedridden again but nothing new.
Though trying to keep my spirits up with little things


#921

@Snoe
Haha how long has it been? 6 days so far for me.


#922

I’m usually down for a week before i feel human again.


#923

That seems to be the usual time.

Get well soon though :upside_down_face:


#924

Will try
Much thanks. I’m used to it… doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck…


#925

Bit embarrased.

I’m so used to being in Latin America that while drunk in Vegas, I kissed an American colleague on both cheeks. Hopefully that won’t come back to haunt me.


#926

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

You should be fine.


#927

I’m indecisive. And worried. And scared of going back to the same feelings from last year.

Basically, my last (And first) relationship wasn’t pretty. At all.

The girl that I fancied suffers depression, anxiety, asthma, among other things. She also used to harm herself (Though she hadn’t done it once in the… 4 months we dated). Our relationship was never perfect. Me being an inexperienced little fuck and her always needing someone to be dominant, there were more than a few bumps in the road. We actually broke up for like a week on early February. And it was great for a while. Then shit hit the fan like a month ago and we broke up a week after. Definitive this time. Apparently being there for someone when they’re going through a bout of depression, making sure that the amount of time you spend together is full of laughter and smiles instead of melancholy and frowns, and trying to be a source of comfort until they actually trust you enough to tell you what exactly has them like that is “Too much pressure and only damaging yourself”.

Anyway, I’m not getting her back, no matter how much I may regret what happened.

My problem? It’s a person I got to know through my ex. I guess you can see where this is going…

Yeah, well, even after turning over 50% of our mutual friends against me and painting me as the bad guy for anyone that asks why we got separated, Julissa (Let’s call her that) refused to leave me on a ditch and still associates with me.

She is a really beautiful girl. She also has an incredible sense of humor, and honestly, I have way more in common with her than I did with Light (Another substitute name). I have spent the past few weeks hanging out with her, and, to be blunt, I’m a flirty guy. Or, well, I’m flirty with Julissa at least. And from what I see, it’s reciprocated.

Of course, we keep saying it’s just playful banter that friends like to do, but we both know that ain’t true.

I… Honestly, I’m attracted to her. I had been in December when I first met her, but I was not about to throw Light out the window for a fling. And it was just attraction, I didn’t actually like her, like I felt for Light.

But now, things are different. And I know there’s a chance of us being together.

Thing is, she’s my ex’s best friend. And I know she wouldn’t dare get close to me in that sense just to keep Light happy, regardless of how she feels. She’s sweet like that. One of the reasons I’m drawn to her.

I don’t exactly fancy looking at anything with her. Not because of my feelings, I’m sure those are clear, but, first off, Light’s in a bad spot. Seeing me with her best friend is gonna make her feel like shit, and she’s really close to doing something bad. I’m not gonna be the last straw. Regardless of how bad “Luan” flopped, I still care about her, and I can’t carry the weight of whatever she does in my consciousness.

But, I can’t allow myself to go back to last semester. Where everyday was basically my brain filling itselfs with “What ifs” that were never going to happen and me feeling like shit because I knew it. I can’t let myself be brought back to that spot. Where days passed in fits and the most I can remember of them was plugging in headphones and letting my mind wander through my playlists while I kept going back to the memories that made sure my pillow was always soaked and salty. Oh no. I shouldn’t. I can’t. I won’t.

But then… What option do I have left?


#928

If I were you I directly talking about it with her. I feel for you this I know she is your best friend but our story is totally over What do you feel about it? Is the way of not wondering about ifs and being sincere is the best policy.


#929

Really feeling myself today bc I did a perfect wing freehand on my first try, plus learned to overline with a new style of lipstick – i usually can only do it with liquid. this was a traditional matte stick. also spoilered bc im not sure if it’s okay to show pics of ourselves, even if it’s not inherently obvious who we are???


#930

Feeling cranky! I have many hurts, and no pain medication for the next week because 20 Norco per month is a joke for a person suffering from FMS. “Use sparingly” is also a joke when you have to take 2 at a time just to make them work.

:crying_cat_face:


#931

Im feeling depressed…part of it because i have my UG exams next month and other part is well…im an introvert. Life can be challenging sometimes, but getting past each hurdle makes you wiser, stronger bla bla bla.


#932

Peace bro, looks like you have been through a lot, im sorry for your friend, depression is sickness which cant be cured with just meds, i had 2 dep stages in life not because i lost a girl or that cuz im already an introvert but part of me was unable to keep up with me, its almost 4 years im good now, i suffer now and then from choices i made earlier, (in life not in games :p)

Now im mostly lonely…not a new thing but its strange now, cuz i dont want to be lonely anymore…once i crack my ug exams next month hopefully i can make some friends and get rid of this introvertness.

Good luck bro, hope everything plays out well for you. Keep smiling, if there darkness now remember there will be sunrise soon :slight_smile:


#933

I’m feeling nauseated, frustrated and sad for one more day being told I don’t exist for being genderfluid and pansexual and being misgendered. :weary:


#934

It’s been awhile since i drawn something. This is also the first time i did it immediately on a computer.

And somehow, i can’t tell if i get better or worse. //soft chuckle//

(this is just a wip btw).