[eighteen hours later]
A: I move ten artillery from Eastern Canada and attack Greenland with its single infantryman.
MC: Oh Jesus, N, will you keep track?
N: [with a pencil and paper] Re— [yawns] —oh, excuse me. [clears their throat] I’m ready.
A: [rolls eyes] Oh, I hardly think it will take so long.
[a half hour later]
A: [in full panic mode] [yelling at his last infantryman while they roll the die in their hand] If you do this, you will come home to the United States of the Americas as a War Hero!! Parades will be thrown in your honor, a national holiday! You and your children and your children’s children will be compensated for all their lives! Money, fame, women, men, whoever you so desire, just don’t lose this engagement for me—shit!! [drops the dice]
N: [leans over] One.
N: [nudges the MC] MC, A rolled a one.
MC: [mumbles awake] No, no, I’m sorry, we’re all out of off-white Persians…
MC: [shakes their head] Is it over?
N: Yes, your single infantryman took down three battalions of A’s forces!
MC: Aw, damn, really? That means—
A: [moves every piece on their board] I attack with all the forces available to the United States of the Americas!!!
MC: I concede.
A: [shaking their dice furiously] Your Greenlander infantryman stands no chance against—wait, what?
MC: I give up, I have work in a half hour.
A: Call in sick.
N and MC: What?
A: I SAID PREPARE YOUR MAN FOR BATTLE.
Risk: Don’t Even Risk It!