The Wayhaven Chronicles: Book Two (WIP)- Full Demo Now Out!

romance
nonbinary-inclusive
gender-choice

#635

each minute detail taken in of my reaction like a spider taking in the movements of a fly caught in a web.

Another sentence that I found to be quite confusing. God I’m feeling so dumb today :joy:


#636

Here I come N my sweety


#637

The cliffhangers are strong with this one.


#638

im so fucking hype over the UB backstory hints we got cause ooohh man there’s definitely something there and i wanna find out all about it. also v glad to have found out a bit more about the plot, it’s certainly shaping up to be quite the intriguing mystery and i can’t wait to dig into it deeper

also found a pronoun issue, with a picture of the context under the cut"

Female detective with all female UB, this should be "the way Tanwen’s long lashes frame her stunning light brown eyes


#639

Spotted some things that feel off to me;

I feel like this highlighted part is weird, considering you can have a strong relationship with your mother.

That sentence doesn’t sound right. Perhaps you meant to say “That they wish to make a full agent out of you.”

I’ll check for more possible things when I wake up later.

Edit, almost forgot this one;

I feel maybe keep delight for only one of the highlighted choices and use a different adjective e.g. excitement for the other. Just my opinion though.


#640

Thanks for the feedback, guys! I’ll add them to my list!

Do you guys think the father relationship ‘broke our family’ choice would be a good thing to base off of Rebecca’s relationship? That does seem like it would make sense!

The ‘wish full agent out of you’ is a speech pattern thing :smiley: Tapeesa isn’t used to English yet so doesn’t speak it as smoothly.

And the delight thing is just because it’s exactly the same choice, just slightly different variant. The MC is still just as enthusiastic!

Hope you guys are enjoying it overall though!


#641

I mean, with the Tapessa one, cause it looked as if she was speaking English fluently, aside from the “you are human” comment (which I didn’t think of too much), that’s why I thought it felt weird for her to say that after speaking perfectly to my MC. Nevertheless, it’s just my opinion, you do not have to listen to me (I always say dumb things :confused:). You are more or less doing an excellent job, even allowing continuity with certain things. So now, off to bed.


#642

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

I LOVE NATE!!!


#643

I’ve only gotten though one playthrough and I just wanna say that I’m loving it so far! F’s route is just as cute as I hoped and so far Book 2 has a really nice comfortable feeling to it. I’m really digging it!


#644

It’s so small, but one of my favorite scenes is Rebecca calling after you send Tina to check out the house with the shadow, and F is just, “Let me!!! Talk!!! To the Detective!!!”

and then N chiding them, pretending they totally weren’t listening to the convo either, lmao, I don’t believe u bby


#645

I wanted to say that I was really excited for the demo and after read M route was definitely not disappointed. But I want so say me opinion on something when you get to the second time a choice regarding M smoking habit I find myself thinking that I did not like any of the choices that were offer because all of them except one (ignore him) suggest or told him to stop smoking. I feel that there should be a choice to acknowledge the fact that he is smoking but also that we don’t mind like a joke or act a little playfulness to it. I just wanted to say that but in the end is your story and you’re the writer :+1:. So now I am going to enjoy replaying the other routes.


#646

There is the choice to be ok with M smoking, just not in the office.


#647

Yeah I think that choice should change depending on your relationship with Rebecca it wouldn’t make sense if your relationship with her is bad because of how little contact were you able to have in our childhood because our family would have already been broken because of that and not by the dead of our father


#648

Smoking in the office has nothing to do with Rebecca, I don’t see why that should be changed depending on her :thinking:


#649

I know but still it’s impossible to make the choice of being okay with him smoking at our office? Specially if our Mc is a smoker and doesn’t go by the book and as I said it in my comment it’s was just my opinion.


#650

Oh I am taking about what Sera ask regarding the choice of it’s broke our family


#651

Oh, I see, sorry for that then :joy:

As per the smoking option, I think the option of “I don’t mind it but you can’t smoke here” is the best we can get. I don’t know in another countries, but I assume since Sera is from the UK, she uses the same rules as the country. And in the UK the rules about not smoking indoors, specially on government buildings is pretty severe.


#652

I think by ignoring it, you are saying it’s ok. M nods their head in appreciation if you do that. There would be no need to make a big deal out of it if the detective is going to let it go.

But I understand that some people might want to make a scene of it. :slightly_smiling_face:


#653

That is a cute scene!! In F’s route they volunteer to go see the MC and M makes fun of them.

It’s adorable!! Side note, M is just hilariou in F’s route. I like how they kinda take over F’s role as the comic relief when F is too busy swooning over the MC to do it


#654

Oh in that case I suppose it’s okay then, I didn’t read the nod as an appreciation nod, my bad. And ur logic does make sense. I just trough that because we have 7 choices that say or implied that we want him to put the cigarette out in different ways (omg just wanted to say that 7 choices are well put to work and amazing since I have tried them all) it wouldn’t be bad to have something different but I understand that already a lot of work and love have already been put in this beautiful demo. And it’s stupid to add an option because of that. So yeah I agree with you