Goddamnit, I just remembered that episode of Seinfeld where Elaine meers Bizzarro Jerry and Crew and now I can’t help but imagine Unit Alpha as essentially identical as Unit Brave except a tad more mature/self-restrained.
Alpha!A: Detective that was incredibly brash and foolish and—and I’m going to stop myself before I say anything I regret.
Charlotte: You what?
Alpha!A: Detective, please don’t speak to me for ten second. I don’t want to say something brash.
Charlotte: [falls out of her chair]
Alpha!N: Himalayan water? For plants?
Charlotte: Oh my god please don’t—
Alpha!N: How silly and overpriced.
Charlotte: So, you’re like the Alpha version of M, correct?
Alpha!M: [scoffs] I guess.
Charlotte: …so…are you going to hit on me unnecessarily?
Alpha!M: What? No. Only if you indicate that you would like that.
Alpha!M: Excuse me, I’ve run out of nicotine patches.
Charlotte: Holy shit.
Alpha!F: Soooo, Detective…I hear you might have a thing for one of the agents. [waggles eyebrows]
Charlotte: [blushes] Ah! That’s not a very professional topic of conversation!!!
Alpha!F: Oh! You’re right! I’m so sorry. I just can’t help but be curious. If it’s alright, we can chit-chat at a more appropriate time, like drinks after work?
Charlotte: [clutches chest]
Alpha!F: Are…are you dying?
A hates the shit out of them, omg