The Venators (WIP) [11/4/2017]

i just give it a try… and this looks good. btw, the pace of the prologue seems too fast, and a bit lack of explanation (though you already said in the comment above that you will add more lore. my advice for now :

  • make the scene less “jumpy” so not to make the reader get confused.
    example :
    when mc get a choice in the snow scene… the scene suddenly jump to mc being called by the angry teacher after the choice without any explanation of what make the teacher mad at mc (and honestly i expect there is a scene where mc throw the snowball at their friend). or you can add something like this : "and before you remember what happened after that (or after you pick the snowball) you suddenly in your class and bla bla bla… (begin the angry teacher scene).
    something similar happened in the scene after that…
  • there should be a scene where the venators explain what is venator and why they choose you to be one.
  • this is not really an advice, but this is important (in my opinion) : is there any RO? does Curtis available for male MC (coz its pretty obvious if he was a RO option, he will be available for female MC, coz he was supposed to be good with girl :grin:)
  • you should give more backstory about who and where do we get to know those people that we worked with, and if possible when MC have to choose to head North or South… dont make both choice of companion male (some people want to choose either boy or girl compannion). maybe add a choice to choose with who we want to go after the North or South Choice. does it make any sense?

that’s all for now, good luck… im looking forward for more :grin:

Has potential, Cant wait for “The Venators” to become more than just a demo.

Thanks everyone for reading! I was initially really nervous about posting my wip, but all of the positive support is great, so thanks :grin:

I think that I’ll put a lore page in the stats screen on an update (if anyone cares to read lore) and try to be a bit less vague about the Venators and such.

Yes, I plan to add ROs (honestly half the reason I like these games is the romance). I think so far I have 6 in mind.
(@Curious_Boy yes, Curtis will be a RO for both males and females.) Thanks for all the suggestions, I’ll definitely work on them!

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GREAT!!! im so looking forward!!
and Curtis is such a Cinnamon rolls with his grining and smirking :grin: and please add some cute-clingy-naive-girl as well if its not asking too much :blush:

This is quite well-written. I’m not sure what you were worrying about, @dospotato. :slight_smile: (By the way, is your username a Portal reference?)

Also, I’m not entirely clear on the role ‘binding’ plays. Does the demon we’re bound to give us power? How exactly is a demon chosen, if they are chosen? Aren’t we supposed to be killing 'em?

P.S. Be as aggressive, physically violent, and melee-focused as possible and you get death demon. It worked for me.

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I just added in a little background lore to the stats screen, so that could help answer some questions. :slight_smile: Also added in a scene that introduces some of the characters.

@anon49824592 The username’s not a reference to it, but Portal is a great game :grin:
Also, there are 2 main reasons for the binding:

  1. It prevents demons from potentially possessing a Venator (since there is already a demon present)
  2. It does give a Venator the ability to use magic that humans usually can’t use.
    Thanks for the feedback!
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if you have updated the game please mention so in the title so people would know ( attracts people who want to play recently updated games )

I absolutely love the story, keep doing what you’re doing. I love that our personality is morphed from the events that has happened in our lives and how we decided to deal with them. Big Fan :heavy_heart_exclamation:

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Great job! The extra scenes you added really helped flesh out the world and the characters.

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On this sentence:
Jealousy demons are generally dormant and harmless. That is, until find something to envy or hate.
until they find

About the way personality traits are distributed here…

Red side is much more “emotional” so I was thinking that Ruthless and Merciful should be swapped. The same goes for Deceitful and Honest. I’m sorry if I seem too forceful or something, but today my brain is being a little slow and I’m struggling to find my words today. Anyway, this is a personal opinion, not really criticism I think. Am I making sense? 'Cause I don’t think I’m making sense. If I am not making sense, just let me know and I will try to clarify, and again, sorry. :see_no_evil:

And also here,

instead of education-less, you could perhaps say uneducated or even uncultured, even though its meaning may be slightly different.

this game is great and got a great potencial, besides the Mischief demon remember me a more elegant version of the darkling allied of jackie in the darkness 2

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Really enjoyed the demo, looking forward to future updates!

@Hakai_no_Megami Hmm about the stats colors, I was going with a Sith/Jedi kinda thing (Sith is red, Jedi is blue), but I can see what you mean haha. Also thanks for the suggestion about my awkward choice of words. For some reason, I forgot the word “uneducated” existed while typing “educationless”. :grimacing:

As for the different demons you get, it’s kind of just a flavor thing. They each go with one of three personalities the player can have.

Currently working on a short update where you can get to know some of the characters a bit better. I’ve been a bit busy, so haven’t written as much as I would like, but I’ll try to have it up soon.

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Welcome to my ADHD life.

Plus dyslexia, it’s fun being a writer! /sarcasm/

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What about possible dyscalculia?

So how old are we after the prologue? I figure it something between 16-20?

I didn’t really have a specific age in mind, but yeah, I think late teens/early twenties works.

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