i just give it a try… and this looks good. btw, the pace of the prologue seems too fast, and a bit lack of explanation (though you already said in the comment above that you will add more lore. my advice for now :
- make the scene less “jumpy” so not to make the reader get confused.
when mc get a choice in the snow scene… the scene suddenly jump to mc being called by the angry teacher after the choice without any explanation of what make the teacher mad at mc (and honestly i expect there is a scene where mc throw the snowball at their friend). or you can add something like this : "and before you remember what happened after that (or after you pick the snowball) you suddenly in your class and bla bla bla… (begin the angry teacher scene).
something similar happened in the scene after that…
- there should be a scene where the venators explain what is venator and why they choose you to be one.
- this is not really an advice, but this is important (in my opinion) : is there any RO? does Curtis available for male MC (coz its pretty obvious if he was a RO option, he will be available for female MC, coz he was supposed to be good with girl )
- you should give more backstory about who and where do we get to know those people that we worked with, and if possible when MC have to choose to head North or South… dont make both choice of companion male (some people want to choose either boy or girl compannion). maybe add a choice to choose with who we want to go after the North or South Choice. does it make any sense?
that’s all for now, good luck… im looking forward for more