The Veil Prophecy (WIP) (Working Title)

The Veil Prophecy (Working Title)

Play as an experienced conjurer working as a forensic necromancer. Investigate an unusual crime scene that holds more than you bargained for after a run in with the Chosen One brings back faces from your past you’d much rather forget. Solve magical crimes, guide (or try to avoid) the chosen one, explore the magical Otherworld and deal with a prophecy you were never meant to be a part of.

  • Play as a man, woman or as nonbinary.
  • Choose from 5 ROs, all available to any gender MC.
  • Personality and skills stats.
  • Choose which ‘side’ to ally with, or choose neither.

Play The Demo (Updated 09/11/20). Currently around 20,000 words (excluding code), featuring the first part of part one.

Setting

In a world where magic is known to exist, but not particularly common, humans live together in large cities away from the dangers of the earth-bound spirits in the wilds beyond. Conjurers like you are able to commune with the spirits that live in the Otherworld, a world filled with dangerous spirits that is separated from your own world by the Veil. Spirits slip through the Veil occasionally, or they can be brought over via demonic contracts with conjurers. Both of these scenarios terrify ordinary humans who find solace in a prophecy that promises a chosen one who will strengthen the Veil, permanently sealing all spirits and magic away in the Otherworld forever.

Important Characters

Evangelina Yeung (F RO) – A magefinder who doesn’t know who to trust. Although one thing that’s for sure is she definitely doesn’t want to trust you.

Doran Daugherty (M RO) – The latest Chosen One.

Ciara Macha (F RO ) – The Chosen One’s companion who seems to treat life mostly as a game. The only question is how high the stakes are.

Ronove (Variable RO) – A demon in a contract with you.

Saleos (M RO) – A friendly demon who seems to be keeping things civil for now.

Leonel Pereira – The leader of the Magefinders.

Virgil – The leader of a team of outsiders trying to prevent the prophecy from being fulfilled.

Morana – Your ex-mentor.

For more information, fun extras, or questions feel free to also check out the games Tumblr

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Seems real interesting
Will wait for more

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It’s time to simp for demons again I see :clown_face:

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@bertilak The pronouns for the demon are all over the place. I chose for it to be female and it shifted from male to plural and back, but was never female.

I should probably add that so far this is interesting.

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Good one! Tho I’ll read it thoroughly later when I am more wide awake.

felt

Found this one. (I am sorry I read this when I just woke up).

Pronoun

And I picked my “familiar” as female but got male pronoun.
Should be “she” and “her”.

That’s all I found so far in my sleepy state. Wishing you good luck!

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Twas a very interesting premise! Excited to see where it’ll lead. I am ready to romance
:sparkles:Ronove :sparkles:

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@ClaimedMinotaur @French_Fries
Thank you! The pronoun issue should be fixed now! I accidentally put the goto command for that choice in front of the commands where I set the female pronouns.

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that was amazing!
So… does the otherworld has a hierarchy or society? unless its spoiler content, please pay no heed.
Ro~ronove♡ ship sailed.
May i suggest if we can see chosen r.o. viewpoint?
I understand that this may be selfish as a reader but it might enhance the flavor of romance in-game… also
great work on the spacing that must have been difficult!
Kudos!

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Best way to avoid the chosen one is just punch him in the face make it run for it

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As someone who plays as a necromancer in every D&D group I join I’m really interested in seeing this progress. I love it so far and can’t wait for more.

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So I took a nap and took another go in reading this and found these errors. I hope I won’t come off as rude. :see_no_evil:

Errors I found. Potential spoilers ahead.

Didn't blur the ones I've written here so it will be easy for the Author to read.

“Matter” and since I’ve been a copyreader in our school paper, numbers 1-10 should be written in alphabets and 11+ should be in numerical form. Just a heads up. :wink:

You direct…” Then the next one should be another paragraph. If that makes sense. For the cigarette part, I think you should revise it and give a proper wording? I’m sorry I couldn’t be any of help regarding this one.
"Your own energy to keep…

I think this one should be in past tense? The one I encircled. I am not quite sure, I got confused. You should ask some of your friends regarding this. :sweat_smile:
Also, instead of "It takes a while until…", I think “It took a while before Thomas answers.”, is more correct.

“Your question made the ghost angry.” and it should be Thomas’, not Thomas’s. Unless what I know is wrong, 'cuz I searched it and Thomas’s, was considered right so ask around. :smile:

Period inside the quote then after quote put a comma in it. Then the picture pretty much says it all but just want to add 'cuz I forgot to.
“He didn’t continue so you asked him to elaborate.”

Replace it with "You don’t have any idea."
“…to get impatient**.** Your remind yourself…”

And here are other mistakes I found and I already put there what needs to be done. The first pic, instead of begin I think proceeds is the right term.

The pictures without correction should be fixed as a whole?

"Introduced"

They already…”

I’ll be happy to help if you asked me to. I really hope I won’t come off as rude. :see_no_evil: I am really looking forward to your story. Good luck!

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Sounds like a really interesting premise. Would not of thought you’d be able to romance you are familiar, but I guess if, since technically their own person, that would make sense.
I agree with the post about having the book jump to your RO‘ S dewpoint. I’m going to do something similar in my book, granted, this is your book, your world, your rules. :slight_smile:

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Oooo The premise itself has me hyped! I’m so excited to see more!

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A very intriguing premise. I liked the way the limited questions to ask due to limited time was implemented. Although, there were quite a few spelling errors.

Here are a few which I found (Also spoiler alert)

A space between a and lot
Screenshot_2020-11-04-20-21-28

Capital ‘i’ in I’m

There’s an extra placeholder

A full-stop after alarm; Capital ‘i’ in I’m

There’s a dollar sign before the name

There should be a ‘do’ between ‘you’ and ‘two’ (wow, lol there’s some rhyming here.)

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@ArtemisFowl
Thank you :slight_smile:
The Otherworld will be explored more throughout the game. It does have somewhat of a heirachy/society, it’s hierarchy pretty much being: The powerful spirits are on top, the less powerful ones try not to die.
So far there’s no plans for RO viewpoints to be in the game. Partially because some of their motivations are not known to the MC or the reader.

@French_Fries
Wow! Thank you so much for doing that! You don’t come of as rude at all. Updates will be inconsistent for the forseeable future. I’ve made some changes, but am saving some to look over at the big “end of chapter edit” :slight_smile:

@Righter
Thanks :slight_smile: The situation with the familiar (even without romance) is unusual, Ronove does state in their deal that they get to ‘come and go as they please’, which actually makes them a rather lousy familiar.

@UnknownCharacter
Thank you so much for going through the game like that :slight_smile: , hopefully that will teach me to properly read through the text before posting it.

@Buraida_Zubair
Thanks. I hope that too :stuck_out_tongue:

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Oh I’m glad we can actually have as RO the demon with who we have a bond. It’s rare.
(I’m not sure my phrase was english.)

I love Ronove. I wonder how the relation will grow. It looks like they met when MC is young so it means they are bound for many years. But it’s so funny to say directly I’m looking for a familiar ah, ah.

I’m curious if they met 47 years ago : How old are they both ?

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True, but I can fairly easily be solved by some wheeling and dealing on the MC’s part.
Especially since, I am assuming at least for now, that Rono wants this as much as your character does for whatever their own reasons?

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I think I’ve seen it on Tumblr that the MC is 100 yrs old.

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We don’t know the age of Ronove ? Maybe the MC dosn’t know too.

But if MC is 100 years old, how old could he get ? And is this common for people with powers or for normal humans too ? Hmm…

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@Wolfie
Thank you :slight_smile: :slight_smile: :slight_smile:
I actually just updated the demo to say they met 81 years ago, because continuity. They would have met as soon as MC finished their schooling. So, like @French_Fries said, the MC is around 100. Ronove is… well ‘older’ is really all the MC knows :sweat_smile: Their ‘familiar-ship’ as it is, is very on and off, but there will be more insight into MCs past dealings with them.

Living that long is something only mages do, even then it’s not all that common (normal humans live a normal human amount of time :smile:), most often only mages with healing ability can extend life, whilst conjurers like the MC can do some ‘ghosty’ magic to extend their life. How long life can be extended for is entirely down to a mages own power level (and willingness to do whatever it takes)

@Righter
Yeah, the MC will in the future have the option to get more out of their relationship with Ronove. Although as much as Ronove respects power, being too underhanded can damage the relationship.

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