The Unwanted Warrior [UPDATED 9/5]

low-fantasy
young-adult-fiction
gender-choice

#1496

@Okami-Nora I think you’re really overreacting. I’m very glad @NutellaQueen didn’t add so much content to childhood scenes. It really can be boring some players, including me. The real story begins after our bastard is 18 years old grown man/woman. I think there’s no need to explore minor characters (Alvin, Ser Albert) since seems like they don’t play an important role in the story.

@NutellaQueen, I think you did a pretty good job. Keep up the good work!


#1497

I really don’t care about Alvin, Sir Albert or the relationship between Alex and Blair. I would probably stop the playing if @NutellaQueen added many scenes about them. I only care about my unwanted warrior and what he will do after he leaves the kingdom.

I enjoy playing this game. I don’t know about the others.


#1498

Everything I post is merely my opinion on the matter. I do get that some people may not be interested in exploring too much of the MC’s childhood.

But the idea of a little more context for some of the situations already involved in the childhood moments doesn’t seem so unreasonable to me either (not truly asking for more scenes; just more context in some of the scenes already around). Heck, it’s because of the childhood moments I actually do pity Alex a little more (not like but feel a bit more pity), because we get a good glimpse of how manipulative the Queen had been with him the most of all her children.

Minor they may be in the long run, but it still feels like the few moments that they are involved in could used a little more to establish the type of character they are and a reason why MC does come to trust them in a way.

I do enjoy the potential in Unwanted Warrior. It just feels like a few moments could use a bit of fleshing out or be paced in a different way.


#1499

I think they stopped calling our MC “Prince” after he’s 6 years old. Well, since he was known as a bastard by everyone, Albert also started seeing him as one.

And King Henry was too busy with political issues that he never really saw the hostile relationship between his bastard and the other children (I mean, he suggested MC to join the children. He wasn’t aware of how bad the situation is.)

So I don’t think there’s any logical mistake in the story. I don’t know about the previous version tho, I’m a new reader but I don’t see any issue in the story. Everything flows smoothly for me.


#1500

This does feel very much true. It just still feels a little odd that the King at some point didn’t take into account how someone who is his own friend (who is with him a lot during the time he is busy) has begun to refer to the MC in a manner of less respect than the other of the King’s children.

(Although I will admit, it is a little funny in a ironic way how Albert seems completely aware of the fact that the Queen is poisoning the minds of her children about MC and yet has the same thing happen to him after a while. That Queen is dangerous).

Again though, these are simply my opinions on the matter at the moment.


#1501

I’ve been reading the conversation for a few minutes. I think both of you are right. @Okami-Nora is a kind of reader who wants to explore every single detail in the story, and @Kokosh is kind of a reader who doesn’t care about minor details and focus on major ones. As a writer myself, I do not think any of you is wrong.

But this is @NutellaQueen’s story and he/she knows better than any of us. If he/she doesn’t add more moments between MC and Albert, then that means it’s unnecessary for the development of story. Some minor characters should not be explored any further for the sake of readers. There’s no add unnecessary contents and bore the readers since I notice many of them only care about ROs and the Queen’s family.


#1502

Yes, your comment is very true. It’s mentioned in the story that King Henry hasn’t spent much time with his children to realize how bad their relationship is.

I’m really glad that someone finally noticed it :smiley:

Ser Albert has never talked about MC around the King. Since the kingdom was threatened by King Thomas and King Ales, there was no time to talk about the family issues.

Very true. I’m very glad you notice that detail in the story.

Everyone has their own opinion. Thanks for your comments and suggestions :blush: . Sorry that you’re having a tough time with the story.


#1503

Well, since Albert has had his own view of the Unwanted Warrior poisoned by the Queen at that point, I guess he’d be even less inclined to talk about MC (due to not thinking much of them at that point).

Did he come to notice how really bad things had gotten for the MC when it was too late to fix the damage or did he remain oblivious to his last breath (kind of currently under the impression that he remained mostly unaware of how deep the damage had gone)?

(Again, this feels like another ironically funny thing in regards to the character: the man who had enough awareness to notice that Alex would not make a good king, wasn’t observant fast enough to notice the way his family was falling apart and who was at the core of the falling out).

Too bad the Queen is too blinded by her own pride and envy to use that same cunning for something more beneficial for the Kingdoms and her children (then again, it feels like she has already deluded herself into fully believing that what she’s doing IS for a good cause). :sweat_smile:

Not having a tough time at all (sorry if I was giving that impression). :sweat_smile:

Like I said, I do like the idea of Unwanted Warrior and really do want to see where the story goes and how the characters develop. I probably wouldn’t be getting so detailed with my opinions if I didn’t like the concept this much.


#1504

If it’s not too spoilery, what country is King Azra of?


#1505

@NutellaQueen

A scene that I would love to see is the Queen attempting to manipulate Leonora and Leo saying no.


#1506

Sound delightful; seeing little Leo having the strongest will of her siblings and not letting her mother manipulate her opinions of the MC. :grin:

Especially if the older siblings are around to see Leo do so; wonder how’d they react to Leonora rejecting her mother’s poison (especially if she brings up some armor-piercing questions that make the siblings think or feel uncomfortable).


#1507

Love the sound of that!


#1508

It’s spoilery, actually :smiley: You’ll find out soon.

There will be such kind of scene in the next update.


#1509

The king was pretty optimistic about the MC’s chances of getting along with the rest of the family.

It’s oddly naive.

I’d think that the results of bringing home a kid from another woman is pretty obvious. Especially when married to a woman filled with pride who also happens to be in love with you in the first place.

Let’s just say, it was never going to be happy fun times ahead.


#1510

I guess how well (most of) the first interactions with between the children and MC went made the King believe that the rest of the pieces will fall in place just as well. Though the question does remain on how long he remained mostly oblivious to the damage done between the Unwanted Warrior and their half-siblings’ relationship or how he fully felt about the matter (if he even noticed it at all). :thinking:

I’m currently inclined to think that he still remained really unaware of damage because he doesn’t seem to have much a reaction to the fact that the relationship between his kids are very strained and that most of the people around him simply treat the MC as a unwanted bastard. He still tried to have the MC spend time with a sibling other than Leo and doesn’t seem to express much regret about the fact that MC’s life was not remotely pleasant in any way (though whether it was due to being too busy with his kingly duties or if he’s just not that observant toward others is anyone’s guess at the moment. Though if it is lack of observation, I do wonder how he was able see the fact that Alex would make a poor king, yet not notice some other matters involving the family).

I would also say that it currently seems that the King may have been a good deal blinded by his selfishness to keep the child and initial strong desire to love and take care of them for the sake of his deceased lover, no matter how heavy costs he needed to pay were. Though instead of the King really paying for the consequences of his actions, it’s the Unwanted Warrior themselves forced to do so (and yet, once again, the King did not seem to fully see that fact).


#1511

The king was optimistic about the MC’s chances of getting along with his/her siblings.

Well, he/she did get along with Leo. He/she can get along with Abigail. He/she can make his/her relationship with James less hostile.

Not so naive at all.


#1512

It sort of feels like the main reason that the MC got a chance to bond successfully with Leonora though was the fact that (even at her young age) she was willful enough to reject her mother’s attempt to shape her views, unlike most of her older siblings. Abigail can be bonded with but, unlike with Leo, it’s easy to see her being more stubborn about the notion of bonding with MC unless outside intervention is involved. And James’ undying loyalty to his family comes off as its own type of dangerous since he mostly seems to reject the MC by his own free will (feels like he’s the least effected by the Queen’s poison).

it does at times feel as though the King is mostly relying on chance (which can come off as a little naive) in this matter since he doesn’t seem particularly attentive to the state of the strain relationship between everyone. Like he seems to know it exists, but is less aware of how deep it seems to run or what is at the core of his other children’s dislike toward MC (I won’t fully blame the guy for this though, because if the Queen can cause the man’s own close friend to start seeing MC as nothing but a bastard and can cover her tracks enough for the King not to seem to suspect her even once, she could likely also make it difficult for him to know how to deal with the matter more effectively).


#1513

So excited to see that scene!


#1514

Kind of just crossed my mind while I was playing the demo again: why does Albert invite the Unwanted Warrior to join the hunting group? If his views on the MC had been effectively changed for the worse due to the Queen’s influence, why would he go out of his way to reach out to the MC to join him and a few others to hunt? Wouldn’t Albert not want to have to interact with MC unless absolutely necessary?


#1515

I hope there will be a scene where the MC can call out the queen for turning her kids on us when it was not our fault that the king cheat on her.