The Unwanted Warrior [UPDATED 10/2]

low-fantasy
gender-choice
young-adult-fiction

#1476

Blair looks like Jon Snow and Tyrion had a child and now i thats all that comes to mind when I think of Blair


#1477

Much better looking than Jon Snow.


#1478

Kinda like Jon snow but with the hair of Tyrion Lannister o.o


#1479

Oh, that is brilliant. And you could choose to leave a letter even if you don’t take Leo. Since she’s the the one most likely to listen to the MC, you could leave a letter asking her to take care of Leo. She’d probably do it out of guilt if nothing else.


#1480

Blair looks awesome!


#1481

The update is really good. I thought the shifting perspectives (gosh, I love shifting perspectives) added to the story and made it more cohesive—everything fit together nicely. Watching James, Alex and Abby go from curiosity about their new sibling to resenting them due to Elizabeth’s manipulation sets her up as a good villainess. She’s a woman scorned who loves her children, but not enough to leave them out of her revenge scheme. And Alex seems much more human in this version—it still isn’t possible to like him, but it’s easier to see the paranoia and frustration that make him who he is. He’s a much stronger character now that we have insight to his behaviour.

Typos


*family is missing a letter


*There’s not much time left.


This sentence looks scrambled. I think you meant “The only person in the whole kingdom who still calls you ‘Princess’ is Blair.”


#1482

Idk if there already is (didn’t found it of yet), but I’d love to have the option of letting Leonora know that we’re leaving, maybe even with the dialogue of “I will be coming back for you”, because I guess running away at first will be a bit harsh for such a young person (which is why I didn’t take her with me) but once you settle down and all… and we’re planning on coming back anyway hehe.


#1483

so if Alexander is a gay that means Eleanor is still pure :grin::grin::grin::grin::grin::grin::grin::grin::grin::grin::grin::grin: .


#1484

It is obvious that they are not happy with each other and never had a kid for three winters


#1485

@NutellaQueen

Why does Sir Albert refuse to teach the MC after a certain point?


#1486

This is one of the questions that came up in my mind myself. It didn’t feel like there was enough information about how Albert feels toward the Unwanted Warrior from the few interactions that we have with him at the moment. All I (personally) know is that he is a loyal friend of the King, had trained MC a bit during their younger days, doesn’t feel it’s his place to fully talk about why the Unwanted Warrior is treated so poorly, and also makes a conscious decision to not call the MC a prince/princess.

So it makes the makes it rather hard to figure out how Albert personally felt toward the MC (whether it be he liked them, disliked them, or felt indifferent toward them) and what his reasons would be to suddenly stop training MC (did it involve the Queen’s influence, was he getting too busy with other matters to keep up that training, did he purposely say he couldn’t so that Blair would take up the role and give the MC someone to be around who was a great deal closer to their age).

Heck, there doesn’t seem to be enough clues to why Blair decided to train with MC that day that MC tries once more to connect to their half-siblings (only to be rejected once more) or if Alex’s thoughts that the boy he had been crushing on was actually more interested in the Unwanted Warrior even at a younger age really holds much merit. I get that he’s a friendly guy, but like with Albert, there doesn’t feel like the moments that MC has with Blair give enough indication in what way that the young knight does feel toward MC when they were younger or in what he was possibly enjoying their company (whether it just be a platonic friendly way or if budding feelings were slowly coming around).

Not even sure how Alex came to the conclusion to the idea Blair liked MC either (when did he ever come across the two of them training that let him know that Blair was growing a interest?)


#1487

@Okami-Nora

Glad to know that I’m not the only one wondering.


#1488

I’m glad I’m not the only one who was wondering too.

Mind, I do think that this new opening is stronger than the previous one in a number of ways. It just needs some polish in a couple of areas to flow a bit more smoothly. :sweat_smile:


#1489

@Okami-Nora

Why do you think that any MC would stay when he or she suspects at least that their lives might be in danger?


#1490

Hard to say, because everyone is going to be playing their MCs differently.

Maybe those who stay are doing so because they feel duty-bound to do so, feeling like their father would have wanted them to stay.

Maybe some are going by the mentality of ‘keep your friends close and your enemies closer’, feeling like they’d have a easier time dealing with the Royal family (for various reasons) up close rather than from a distance.

Maybe a couple are truly holding out hope that if they preserve long enough, they can truly connect with their siblings and be a actual family (something the King seemed to try desperately to believe and achieve, right until his dying breath).

Maybe a few don’t know any other kind of life outside the one they have and are just too uncertain about taking that chance to leave (even if their lives have been made unpleasant by the Queen and most of her children).

Or maybe they feel like it is best to stay with Leo without dragging her into a possibly dangerous situation. Only the person who made their MC can truly say why their MCs are willing to stay or more inclined to go. :thinking:

For my male MC Alto though, the moment the king dies is the moment the Kingdom and its lands are no longer his home. He’s far from cruel and has still managed to harbor a sense of kindness, but he has long since given up on the idea that his half-siblings or the Queen would ever meet him halfway in terms of being a family. The only people he feels a closeness to is Leonora and Eleanor, and he’s already feels like both of the girls he cares for would be in great danger in some way if they stayed any longer after the King’s death. Leaving is the only plausible option and he’d rather face the dangers of the unknown over staying in a obvious death trap (he will miss Blair a great deal though).


#1491

My two main MCs are getting the hell out of dodge.


#1492

woooooooo, this was a good one. During the end things were getting pretty intense, Taking the 2 ladie-doo’s and Ms.Wolf with me into the unknown makes for good adventure, yep, yep. Tho, in a later update will taking stuff have drawbacks? I noticed how there was dialogue trailing each time I took something with me, will we have to take like only 2-3 things next time? Or is it just for the daring people?

Sometimes choices can be misleading as if you choose something you could miss out, when you could of done both–other than that I liked it.

I’d kidnap James if I could that’s 4 sure ;^)


#1493

As @Okami-Nora mentioned, Ser Albert and King Henry were busy with serious matters. As a result, both of them focused on kingdom (which was under threat) instead of spending time with MC. The Queen took advantage of it and influenced the people in the kingdom. That’s why MC was officially known as “bastard” instead of “Prince/Princess”.

Ser Albert chose Blair as MC’s trainer because Blair is talented and well-skilled warrior. He mentioned it in the game.

Some things happen off-screen. I didn’t add every single detail about MC’s childhood because I thought it would be boring for the readers. (Because some readers don’t care about Blair) Also, Alex mentioned that he had seen the way Blair looked at MC. He noticed how happy Blair looked when he talked to MC.

Firstly, it was friendly way. Blair could see how different MC and Alexander are. He enjoyed the MC’s company and loved spending time with him/her. Then, the feelings were slowly built during years.

Note: There are six ROs in the game. Two of them (Princess Eleanor and Blair) have feelings for MC. The other two of them (Queen Erica and Marcus) feel nothing towards MC. Finally, the others (Princess Katherine and King Azra) hate MC’s guts.

You can choose only three choices during the speech. Since MC doesn’t have enough time, he/she can’t take everything he/she needs. MC must leave one thing behind. It can be herbs, golds, the wolf or Leonora. Or MC can leave without taking anything.

Yes, I will add a scene where MC can write a letter to Abigail.


#1494

Oohhh, I can’t wait to romance Katherine. That sounds like one hell of a battle :eyes:


#1495

But why does Albert himself also refrain from calling MC prince/princess? This is supposed to be a man that is close to the King at the very least; it could not have escaped his notice at that point that even his good friend was starting to not treat the MC with the same amount of respect as their siblings and that something was up.

And, the few moments we have with Albert don’t tell us really tell us what kind man he truly was to MC or even if he cared about them in some way. Nor did it really say that he couldn’t train the Unwanted Warrior; just that he REFUSED to the Unwanted Warrior anymore, and Blair volunteered help us train (not that the older knight had actively searched for a replacement to take his place). In end, it causes me to not really feel much of a bond or connection to Albert enough to say “This is someone I can see the MC trusting/respecting”.

Honestly, the same can be applied to Alvin; I’m being TOLD that the Unwanted Warrior trusted him more than any other healer (including James himself), but as player, I don’t have enough context with that character to feel to feel the same way. Like did something happen when MC was a kid, like they got a bit hurt during training with Blair, and only Alvin was willing to help them? Did Blair go around with them to help look for a healer, and went up first to James himself, only to be alarmed when James flat out refused to help his own technical little sibling?

Some readers may not care about Blair, but they may care a good deal about what is happening in their MC’s childhood. While the opening is better handled than before, there are still moments in the childhood part that felt a little rush. Which is a bit of a shame since it doesn’t feel like I had a opportunity to have my MC be a kid whose in the process of developing their personality, interests, or bonds in some way.

And I do sort of get the idea of some people not being interested in Blair, but it feels like it’d be nice to be given a stronger feel of his character (to be given stronger reasons to care or not care). Like how does he train us (is there a playfulness in the way he fights us, a gentle sense of guidance) or what kind of expression he has when he protects us from Alex when the oldest sibling tries to drive us away from witnessing Leo’s birth (does Blair look alarmed because that was the first time he saw Alex’s more mean side or is stance fearless as he acts as a shield that refuses to let Alex be cruel to the Unwanted Warrior).

It’s kind of hard to fully care about about some of the characters when it doesn’t feel like we can connect with them the right way. Heck, I like Blair a bit as a character, but as a player, I don’t feel a strong enough connection to him (which is odd since he part of the MC’s childhood).

But all we have to go by are Alex’s words, which aren’t very reliable in the first place (due to how his mother has been poisoning his and his siblings views on MC). Giving the readers more clues during the interactions with Blair about what way he felt close to MC and what kind of closeness it was at the point when Alex tries to make a move on his friend would have made the situation more interesting. Like as a reader, it’s nice to able to think back on those little tidbits from my moments with Blair as Alex accuses his friend of growing feelings and be able to go “looks like Alex’s paranoia toward MC is getting worse” or “Shoot, looks like he noticed it too”.

As I brought up earlier, it doesn’t feel like there’s enough time spent in MC’s childhood to see this progression of feelings effectively (same could be with the siblings and the King to a extent, but it’s not as bad in their case at the moment).