The Supposed Mistake ( WIP )

I’ve begun work on my new game ’ The Supposed Mistake ', I have poured my very greatest effort while working on this story, so I hope it might be good enough to get your attention.
and I always welcome your feedback or opinion about my story.

Currently, it’s about 35k words ( calculated using randomtest.html ) and it’s only the prologue to the story, I am planning to expand it way more since the story has too much to say.

I am honestly not confident about how often I am planning on updating, and I thought I might be able to update it after two or three weeks but I guess it will take longer than that maybe the end of July.

To play the demo, go here : https://dashingdon.com/go/11434

Summary:
Everything has come to an end, the day you have chosen to save that stranger but ended up with a bizarre offer: to exchange bodies and replace them on the very other side .
But what awaited you there was much more bizarre …

" It was the world’s selfish mistake " they said " All we have to do is correct it "

Was it your desire to replace them and not let anybody notice?
Or was it to discover truth of your existence ?

Note: You get to choose the gender of the main character ( the gender of the person you are going to replace on the other world )

Update:

  • I fixed many grammatical issues, thanks to everyone who helped indicate the issue, but I will still go through another examination to make it even better.( 20/06/2022)
    -Added a saving feature. ( 21/06/2022)
90 Likes

There shouldn’t be spaces before punctuation.

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@food_lover when entering my MC’s true name in the stats page it remains unknown.

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thank you for your feedback , i found out i forgot to mention ’ text name ’ on the choicescript-stat , i changed it for now .
i am going to wait for more feedbacks and post the update , thank you again

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so far this is interesting.

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I am so excited :laughing::laughing::laughing:
I love the story
Can’t wait for next chapter and good luck

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words can’t express how much I’m proud of you ! keep it up <3
I can’t wait to read it .
best of luck :heart_eyes:

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This seems interesting so far!

Some small errors I noticed: some sentences start with lower case; many times the I pronoun is in lower case; there is a small typo on the word sarcastic (it is written sacrastic on one of the choices).

Good luck, can’t wait for the next chapter :slight_smile:

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This looks decent although it very much lacks grammar. You need someone else to proofread this @food_lover.

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Also I hope you’ll add a save feature by the next update.

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Thank you, i appreciate it .
I will make sure to correct what you have noticed , and also sometimes i just type so fast on the keyboard that i switch some letters :woman_facepalming: so i hope you’ll understand, anyway i am really glad you liked the story.

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Thank you, i will make sure to work on your advice for the next update .

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When I select the male stranger he switched to female pronouns. Please fix it

Can you tell me witch phrase did it happen for you ? Because i made sure this type of mistake won’t happen, so it might be an error

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The plot is wonderful! I’m curious how the ‘supposed mistake’ will unfold in the story.

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I love this :heart::heart::heart:

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It’s tough but it’s worth repeating. The grammar and spelling of this game needs so much work that it eclipses everything else about it. Every single line has at minimum two massive glaring grammatical or spelling issues. These issues seem to be consistent throughout: lack of capitalisation of the first words of sentences, punctuation in the wrong place and with extra spaces added in, words run through a spell checker once but not checked individually resulting in errors like “petty” instead of “pretty”, and common mixups like its/it’s and so on.

My suggestion is:

  1. Ask for extra help from your English teacher.
  2. Start from ground zero on English grammar. Go back to basics. Subject, predicate, capitalisation, punctuation, everything.
  3. Look at how it’s normally done in professionally-published English work and try to emulate that style as closely as you can.
  4. If you’re still struggling after all of that, try The Elements of Style by Strunk & White as a last resort. It won’t be much use unless you’ve already spent a long time trying all the other steps.

Please take this is a genuine show of support.

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I agree with this. Don’t think if them as mean comments or something of like against your work, think of them as a suggestive support.

Or you can have an editor or proofreader if you can’t or don’t want to go through all that…

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Thank you for sparing some of your time to stop by, I appreciate your comment and all those who helped indicate the problem, honestly English is my third language but I love it and I didn’t guess it might be lacking this much in grammar :frowning:
But I am working hard these days on your advice and I hope my hard work would pay off :muscle:.
Thank you all.

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You have an intriguing premise. Your writing style isn’t what I usually see here and it’s a nice change of pace IMO.

I suggest using Grammarly to help with editing :smiley: Honestly, knowing that English is your third language makes your writing all the more impressive. Good luck with the story!

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