The Shadow Society (WIP) Writing Update on #1545

Darkness, mystery, romance, unique personages, beauteous boys, with a plethora of wit?

So this is love.[/Cinderella solo]

Un petit idea: Mayhaps revealing our name seamlessly when Michael asks for it rather than the very beginning?

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I like the demo. We have a lot of clues and so much suspense. So of course we end the demo with a lot of questions.

I’m actually really curious about the term ‘claim’.
And I love Azuridian personnality. I think it will be fun to crack his ice armure. Still, looks like he didn’t like my answer. Well, I’ll find a way.

I have fun with the demo and the idea is interesting. I can’t wait to see the next udapte or mini-spoilers. (Hé we can dream, right ? ~)

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I enjoyed playing this so far, so I’m looking forward to more.

Other than the typos, which can obviously be fixed in time, the only problem I have is that I can’t name myself Gwen or it gets much too confusing :disappointed_relieved:.
Unlucky name choices :c

Actually, if there was on criticism I have so far, it would be that some of the options you can pick are a little misleading in what they result in. The main time I noticed this was the “we’re dead aren’t we?” line. I had expected sarcasm, and instead I found out it resulted in the MC having a mental breakdown because they assumed they were dead. Obviously, this wasn’t what I was expecting at all.
So yeah, maybe just clarify a little more in regards what reactions some choices lead to. Otherwise, great so far!

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I just played the demo, and I wanted to say it has a great beginning. I’m very curious about the shadow society and our family ties to it. As well as why the four not-people we meet in the house seem not so fond of it. Also, I agree that the introduction of the MC’s name should be more integrated into the story. It was just a very jarring beginning. Maybe you could incorporate it into the dream somehow? The sprits could be calling it, or maybe the MC could recall it while having flashbacks about their childhood in the house when they pass by it on their way to work?

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I just played the demo and I really like it, I’ll be keeping an eye on this one.

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Looks like the beginnings of a great game. I’d just point out that I saw many, many gender mismatches throughout. My MC was female and attracted to women if that helps pinpoint bugs.

Edit: also tumblr link should be https://carawenfiction.tumblr.com/ the provided link wants people to login.

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This is such a cool game already. I cannot wait to see where this goes.

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Aw man, the hair choice has no love for redheads

I can see the potential here though, looking forward to some updates

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You should add more hair choices there are like 4 blonde variations and no red :frowning_face:

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Really love this so far and can’t wait to see how it turns out as a finished story.

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I think the author might have a thing for blonds. Then again, who doesn’t?

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Interesting story but ohhhhhhhhhhhhh the pronoun issues just kept pulling me out of the story. I hate to say but the author really needs to look at the game from those only interested in females. I think that is where most of the pronoun issues are, but they are just too numerous at the moment for me to finish the demo. I will come back and check it out in a week or two, as it will surely take that long to quash them all.

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OMG! This is dope and I want it so badly!
I really love the idea of romance!
Can’t wait to see the development!
Will be keeping my eyes glued on this so hard!

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Thanks for all the comments! It’s a bit overwhelming to wake up to :blush:

Frogs: As explained in an earlier post, it’s due to my inexperience with Choicescript. Chocolatemix showed me a much easier way to do it, though, which I will try in the future!

And yeah, you’re totally right. I uploaded the demo pretty late, but I will spend today going through the demo and correcting all of the misspells and mixups, since there were a lot more than I had previously noticed.

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Thank you so much! And you know, that’s actually a really good idea. The reason the naming is in the beginning is simply because I intended to include more dialogue before meeting M, but then I found that it stalled the story so I erased it. That’s something I’ll probably do for the next update, though!

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Thank you so much! Azuridian is a tough one :wink: there is no really correct answer, though; he is just overly critical of everything haha

Stay tuned for the next update! :blush:

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Thank you so so much! I’m going to fix the typos today, actually, going through everything again with a clearer mind since I have the day off. So you can look forward to a fixed version soon!

Aw, that sucks :worried: it’s unfortunately the way it is with names, though.

And thank you for telling me about the misleading choices! When you’re the only one who reads through your own work, much of the text appears in the way you have intended so I didn’t even think about that. I’m going to make that a lot clearer when I update the link later today!

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@Carawen Welcome to the forums. Just quick note: You could use the “@+username” to reply to multiple people in a single post. Posting simulateneously might consider by the system spamming and might closed the thread. =)

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Thank you so much :smile: Yes, I will probably do as Quaintrelle suggested and incorporate it with the M scene, since that would be much smoother.

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@resuri08 Oh geez, thanks for letting me know :sweat_smile: I’ll do that from now on!

@Kirlett Thank you so much! I’m glad you like Rheylo :blush:

@Nazroth Thank you so much, I hope you’ll like the rest of the story!

@LordOfLA Thank you so much for giving the correct link! I’ve updated the first post :blush: Yes, I will spend this day correcting all of the mix ups and misspellings and then update the demo link with that one. So sorry about that

@grimbutnotalways That means a lot. Thank you so much!

@kyros Oh man, I forgot to add redheads? I focused so much on implementing a lot of shades of haircolors that I forgot about that. I’ll include more options in the edited version that will be up today!

@AmericanShakespeare Yes, I’m going to do just that today! I started out with blonde options going to brown, then thought about including unnatural colors and totally forgot about red :weary: So sorry for the lack of options.

@SpiritWolf91 Thank you so, so much :blush:

@2xs That’s a very fair point; as I’ve replied to others, I will be fixing all of the mistakes today. Reading through the text so many times on your own makes it easy to miss a lot; I’ll try to find a proofreader for next time I make a big update. I hope you come back to try it again once it’s fixed!

@DanteDog Thank you soo much! That means a lot :smile:

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