The Seven Heirs of Ophaesia: Part One (WIP)

The Seven Heirs of Ophaesia is a low-fantasy game set in a Renaissance-esque world where you play as one of seven heirs to a fictional kingdom rife with intrigue.

Demo.

Last Updated: March 2016.
Demo Word Count: ~14k.

Currently Working On: Chapter one edits, chapter two.
Alpha Word Count: ~34k.
Update Progress: 10%.

Alpha Changelog.

These changes will be added to public demo when the next update releases.

Jan.20.2021

  • Changed Edoinel to Sayelle.
  • Changed Merlios to Carthenium.
  • Changed Corsciana to Serentia.

Apr.26.2020

  • Changed “ochre” to “umber” for skin tones.
  • Added part, chapter, and section headers throughout the game.
  • Added new skills:
    • Merathene (language).
    • Perception.
    • Dancing.
    • Fashion (previously the personality trait “Fashionable”).
    • Lockpicking.

Dec.2.2019

  • Fixed typos and bugs for Alpha Preview Version 2.1.1.

Nov.30.2019

  • Published Alpha Preview Version 2.1.1 for my Patrons with 8,358 new words (excluding commands).
  • Full list of changes:
    • New hair color (silver) and new eye colors (brown, violet, hazel, golden).
    • Choosing “silver” as your eye color now gives you silver eyes rather than grey.
    • A new branching scene after you look at your birthday gifts.
    • Lets the MC see Kosphoren before chapter 2.
    • Choice to ask Elesyth about Kosphoren or not.
    • Several different topics of conversation if you choose not to ask.
    • Asking lets the MC learn about Elesyth leaving before chapter 2.
    • Several other miscellaneous edits to polish the prose and be more lore-friendly.

Aug.16.2018

  • Added a new option when meeting your father.
  • Revised some parts of the scene where you meet your father.
  • Added two new birthday gift options. (Bow, chess table.)

Aug.11.2018

  • Added two new reactions when Elesyth tells you about the temples.

Aug.10.2018

  • Changed some *page_breaks.
  • Added grey (“silver”) and golden (“citrine”) eye color options.
  • Added four new name options for both genders.
    • For male MCs:
      • Nytheron
      • Sonyth
      • Serina
      • Opherion
    • For female MCs:
      • Rhymiah
      • Aelith
      • Eventia
      • Serathys

To-Do List.

General.

  • Create an updated map.
  • Create family trees for other Houses.

Chapter One.

  • Write additional scene with Terrisen and Baelira.
  • Edit the new content.
  • [Possibly] Add a new branch to the new scene.

Chapter Two.

  • Finish the scene where you meet Olarion.
  • Rework some parts of the first scene and add more options.
  • Add a conversation with Kosphoren when going to meet with Olarion.

Seven Heirs Wiki.

  • Finish pages for the major characters (Ysonia and Eraven, the siblings, the love interests, Kosphoren).
  • Work on lore pages (Ophaesia, Ophaesian Culture, religion, Houses, etc).

Seven Heirs Library

  • Use Twine to create a library of Seven Heirs short stories.
  • Make the library pretty.
  • Write short stories for the library.

Tumblr | Patreon | Ko-Fi | Short Stories



About.

As the King’s seventh child, you are a prince or princess of Ophaesia, a luxurious nation along the southern coast of Selanes. You are the first child of your father’s third wife, a woman hated throughout the realm due to the pervasive suspicion that she poisoned the previous queen, and her poor reputation taints your image in the eyes of the court and beyond. From your days in the palace nursery all the way to adulthood, you must navigate treacherous court politics and delicate foreign affairs while trying to find your place in the world — and your family.


More Information.

The game begins early during your childhood and follows you through your life. It is planned to end around your late-twenties or early-thirties. Largely character-driven, there are many branches to explore throughout the game, and there are several different ways to experience each major plot point, each of them unique unto themselves. Which branch you choose and the decisions you make during it can have a dramatic effect on not just your future but the future of Ophaesia and its neighboring countries. There are countless possible combinations of endings you can get, none objectively bad nor objectively good.

The setting of Ophaesia is a society filled with preconceptions and expectations with separate ideals for men and women. As such, you will be treated differently and face disparate issues depending on which gender you play as. You will, however, have every opportunity to challenge the gender norms and sexism traditional to your kingdom — or you can embrace them and be the perfect prince or princess.

Relationships are a fundamental aspect of Seven Heirs. Your relationships with your parents and siblings are critical to the story and can range from outright enemies to inseparable confidants. Further, there are nine possible love interests — five men and four women, all of whom exist within the narrative beyond your character’s interest in them — and your relationships with them are equally flexible. You can choose whether to be friends or become adversaries, and you can pursue a romantic (or merely sexual) relationship either way.


Warnings.

Seven Heirs is written for an adult audience. It will contain scenes with sexual content, violence and death, inappropriate language, consumption of alcohol, and bigotry (including mild sexism and homophobia).

As the game progresses and content is added, you will able to opt for vague descriptions of sexual situations as opposed to more detailed ones. There will be no scenes where your character will be forced to engage in a sexual situation they do not want.

Sexism and homophobia within Seven Heirs are not representative of my personal views and are present solely for narrative reasons. Playing a female and/or a bi-/pan-/homosexual character will not prohibit you from exploring any major branches, though you may not be able to access them the same way as a straight and/or male character might.



Features.


General.
  • Play as a prince or princess of powerful kingdom.
  • Rebel against or obey the strictures of a reactionary society.
  • Play your character as they grow from a child into an adult.
  • Uncover myriad secrets and conspiracies of the past, present, and future.
  • Ally with or scheme against members of your family.
  • Effect lasting political change or encourage the status quo.
  • Find love with ten possible love interests — or undermine them.
  • Get married and have children with your spouse or a lover.
  • Navigate intricate court politics or dismiss it all entirely.
  • Visit neighboring countries and decide their fate.
  • No visible stats — focus on your character’s story!

Stats.

There are three different groups of stats which define what sort of character you are playing.

Seven Heirs is more focused on telling a story than being a game, and as such stats exist only for narrative purposes. The stat screen does not display stats unless they are relevant to your character. (During alpha and beta testing, there is an option to display your stats, but this is to make testing easier and will not be present in the final version.)

Personality – General character traits.

These stats account for what sort of person your character is. While some of them maybe appear to be similar, they serve different purposes. Depending on these stats, certain choices may become available to your character.

  • Clever – The MC is witty and intelligent.
  • Charismatic – The MC is charming, likeable, and magnetic.
  • Rebellious – The MC breaks rules and doesn’t conform to standards.
  • Willful – The MC is stubborn and has a lot of willpower.
  • Obedient – The MC listens to authority and conforms to standards.
  • Confident – The MC is self-assured and has good self-esteem.
  • Hotheaded – The MC gets angry or annoyed easily.
  • Expedient – The MC is cunning and adept at politicking.
  • Reserved – The MC keeps their thoughts and emotions to themself.
  • Cruel – The MC is mean and enjoys others’ pain.
  • Outspoken – The MC often says what’s on their mind.
  • Timid – The MC is shy and not self-assured or courageous.
  • Compassionate – The MC is kind and cares about others.
  • Supercilious – The MC has contempt for others and puts themself first.
  • Vain – The MC cares a lot about their appearance.

Some stats are directly at odds with each other; when you select an option which increases one of these stats, their opposing stats decreases.

  • Reserved vs Outspoken
  • Compassionate vs Supercilious
  • Compassionate vs Cruel
  • Timid vs Confident
  • Timid vs Charismatic
  • Rebellious vs Obedient

As mentioned above, some stats may appear to be similar, but they have different fuctions. Further, some stats which may seem to be directly opposed aren’t. This allows for various combinations. For example:

  • The MC may be confident but not charismatic — they believe in their abilities but no one likes them.
  • A reserved MC might not be timid — they’re confident but not open with others.
  • The MC could be obedient but not timid — they do what others expect of them but they’re not shy.
  • An MC could be reserved and hotheaded — they get angry easily but don’t externalize that anger.

There are no “stat-checks” for Personality stats. Choices pertaining to a Personality stat only appear if the value is sufficiently high. For example, the option to give an inspiring speech will only be visible if your Charismatic stat is high enough. You will not be “punished” for picking a choice that goes against your character’s Personality stats, as those choices simply won’t be there.

Skills – Your character’s abilities.

Skill stats are divided into four groups, plus an additional six stats which aren’t in a proper group. Those four groups — Creative, Athletic, Well-Read, and Languages — have a master stat which is cumulative of their children stats. Additionally, the Music stat within the Creative group and the Combat stat within the Athletic group both possess children stats and are cumulative of them.

  • Creative
    • Music
      • Harp
      • Harpsichord
      • Lute
      • Singing
    • Painting
    • Writing
  • Athletic
    • Combat
      • Swordsmanship
      • Archery
    • Hunting
    • Riding
  • Well-read
    • Theology
    • History
    • Geography
    • Science
    • Warfare
    • Politics
  • Languages
    • Vereyan
    • Merlian
    • Edoilese
    • Corscian
    • Merathene
  • Persuasion
  • Deception
  • Perception
  • Dancing
  • Fashion
  • Lockpicking

Unlike with Personality stats, there will be stat-checks involving these stats, though for the most part the choices relating to these stats will only appear if you’re sufficiently skilled.

Currently, the Combat stat covers all forms of combat. This may be divided into children stats, similar to the Music stat, to account for separate levels of ability in sword-fighting and archery.

Flavor – For flavor text and dialogue.

Flavor stats exist solely for flavor text and to allow you to further customize how your character interacts with the world. They do not affect your character’s personality, but a choice which increases a Flavor stat may also increase or decrease a Personality stat. Whichever of the four stats is highest decides which flavor text is used. If two stats have the same value, the stat most recently increased is used.

  • Charming – The MC says and does things that are considered charming.
  • Witty – The MC says and does things that are considered witty.
  • Abrasive – The MC says and does things that are considered abrasive.
  • Polite – The MC says and does things that are considered polite.

Flavor stats will be used more in the early parts of the game as your character is still defining their personality. As your Personality stats increase, Flavor stats will be used less and less in favor of Personality stats.


Customization.

You can customize many different aspects of the appearance of your character. The choices appear when they are relevant, and what you choose is referenced multiple times within the game in flavor text and dialogue. Some choices may even lead to specific scenes or conversations, and some choices — such as hair length — you can change later on, and other characters will react to the change.

You can customize:

  • Your skin tone (porcelain, fawn, olive, brown, umber).
  • Your eye color (blue, green, brown, black, silver, hazel, violet, golden).
  • Your hair color (blonde, brown, black, red, silver).
  • Your hair texture (straight, wavy, curly).
  • Your hair length (from close-cropped to very long).
  • Your height (from very short to very tall).
  • Your preferred style of dress (from practical to fashionable).

There is also the possibility of getting scars within the game. The location, size, shape, and cause of these scars will be recorded and mentioned throughout the game.



Characters.

More details on the characters will be available on the Seven Heirs Wiki (currently in development).

Your Family.
King Eraven Dahlas – your father; King of Ophaesia.

Eraven became King of Ophaesia at twenty-one after the sudden accidental deaths of his father and older brother. Generally a disagreeable person, many believe that his older brother would have made for a better king. He is currently married to Ysonia Maeliah, and the relationship is loveless and often openly hostile. He does not like nor love you at the start of the game.

He is extremely tall with an imposing build and has slightly tanned skin, iron-grey hair which was originally dark brown, and icy blue eyes.

Queen Ysonia Maeliah – your mother; Queen of Ophaesia.

Ysonia was originally Queen Alapharen’s lady-in-waiting, and most of the kingdom believe she poisoned her so that she could become Queen. She married Eraven when she was nearly seventeen and gave birth to you a year later. For most of your early childhood, she would flit in and out of your life and would often be gone for months at a time.

In her youth, she was considered the most beautiful woman in Ophaesia. She is petite and graceful and has the same skin tone, hair color, and eye color as your character.

Prince Neraven Dahlas – your eldest brother; Crown Prince of Ophaesia.

Neraven is the Crown Prince of Ophaesia, and according to tradition, he will be the next King of Ophaesia. He largely takes after your father in terms of personality; he‘s a serious, brusque man but commands respect with his implacable, exacting nature. He dislikes you at the start of the game.

He is tall with an athletic build and tanned skin, brown hair, and blue eyes. He’s fifteen years older than you.

Princess Keralith Dahlas – your eldest sister.

Keralith was married to the Crown Prince of Edoinel, Prince Marsion Sephien, when she was sixteen and has lived in Edoinel since. Seemingly shallow and effusive, she in truth possesses a merciless cunning. She strongly dislikes you at the start of the game.

She is average height with a slightly plump figure and fair skin, brown hair, and brown eyes. She’s twelve years older than you.

Princess Ilythis Dahlas – your elder sister; Queen of Carthenium.

Ilythis is married to King Haphus of Carthenium — a much older man who was married previously — early in the game and is sent to live in Carthenium. She is reserved and difficult to read. She comes off as quiet and meek, but there is an indomitable will within her. She doesn’t like you at the start of the game.

She is fairly tall with a slim figure and pale skin, dark brown hair, and hazel blue eyes. She’s nine years older than you.

Prince Olarion Dahlas – your elder brother.

Olarion is exceedingly intelligent and skilled at learning people’s secrets. He’s mostly interested in academics and leaves the capital of Ophaesia to attend the University of Amethos when he’s fifteen. He can be charming when he chooses, but it’s often when he has an agenda. He wants to like you at the start of the game.

He is tall with a lean build and fair skin, dark brown hair, and icy blue eyes like his father’s. He’s seven years older than you.

Prince Terrisen Dahlas – your elder brother.

Terrisen is charismatic and easy-going with a good sense of humor. He’s considered the most likeable of your siblings and is popular among many different circles. He prefers to spend his time training alongside Paladins, with whom he’s fascinated. He’s indifferent to you at the start of the game.

He is a little above average height with an athletic build and sun-kissed skin, honey brown hair, and blue eyes. He’s three years older than you.

Princess Baelira Dahlas – your elder sister.

Baelira possesses a quick wit and an immense amount of charm she uses to keep herself and Terrisen out of trouble. While she is not opposed to manipulating people with pretty words to get what she wants, she has a kind heart and romantic worldview. She’s indifferent to you at the start of the game.

She is considered to be a great beauty and is average height with a well-proportioned figure and fair skin, honey blonde hair, and honey brown eyes. She’s two years older than you.

Queen Alapharen Verathae – your siblings’ mother.

Alapharen was the Queen of Ophaesia and your father’s wife before your mother. She is the mother of all six of your older siblings. She died two years before you were born, and it’s largely assumed that your mother was responsible. The belief is that Ysonia poisoned Alapharen after gaining her confidence as her lady-in-waiting so that she might marry Eraven and become Queen.

She was considered beautiful while she was alive. She was average height with a slender figure and pale skin, honey brown hair, and honey brown eyes.


Love Interests.
Lady Jasiphae Asimina – the perfect lady.

Jasiphae is demure and considered a paragon of beautiful, delicate Ophaesian noblewomen, but underneath she is exceedingly intelligent with wits to match that of any Mytean priest. She struggles with societal expectations that discourage her love of academics.

She can be romanced by male characters. She’s slightly above average height and has a willowy build with pale skin, pale green eyes, and pale blonde hair.

Lady Kaedra Galithon – the spymaster’s daughter.

Kaedra is smart and flirtatious, and while she can be a bit vain and materialistic, there are hidden depths to her. Her father is King Eraven’s spymaster, and she has picked up quite a bit of knowledge and shady skills from him. She has a twin brother named Kyrisen with whom she is quite close.

She can be romanced by male and female characters. She’s average height and has a curvy build with fair skin, dark red hair, and grey eyes.

Sister Iphorah Naphenys – the mystical priestess.

Iphorah is a serene and ethereal Priestess dedicated to serve Naphenia and vowed to practice celibacy and abstinence. She possesses a soothing presence and a compassionate nature, though there is something otherworldly about her.

She can be romanced by male and female characters. She’s below average height and has a petite build with brown skin, dark brown hair, and one blue eye and one green eye.

Lady Iseriah Thyminae – the rebellious heiress.

Iseriah is wild, openly questioning and rebelling against the strict Ophaesian gender roles. Adventurous in many ways, she’s quite the troublemaker and utterly unpredictable. As the only surviving child to the heads of the ancient Thyminae family, she has the weight of her family’s expectations upon her shoulders.

She can be romanced by female characters. She’s somewhat short and has a lean build with sun-kissed skin, black hair, and brown eyes.

Lord Sebriel Dulisca – the artful diplomat.

Sebriel is an ambassador for Verey, Ophaesia’s greatest enemy. He’s a charming man with a rapier wit and profound cunning that makes him well-suited to politics. Adept at dissembling and deception, he’s enigmatic and nearly impossible to read.

He can be romanced by male and female characters. He’s average height and has a lithe build with brown skin, black hair, and black eyes.

Lord Elor Eramisius – the scourge of kings.

Elor is a Carthenian noble and member of the Carthenian royal family through their aunt’s marriage. They’re merciless and unbending, filled with disdain for Ophaesia and its people. Beneath their ever-present anger is a keen mind that’s almost as quick as their reflex to throw a punch at the slightest provocation.

They can be romanced by male and female characters. They’re average height and have a lithe build with fair skin, brown hair, and green eyes.

Lord Atheron Kavendis – the haunted commander.

Atheron is Admiral of the Ophaesian navy and only recently made noble by your father. Beneath his reserved exterior, he is a kind, gentle, and thoughtful man with a keen intelligence. Eleven years your senior, your father arranges for you to marry him when you’re seventeen.

He can be romanced by female characters. He’s extremely tall and has a strong build with tanned skin, black hair, and black eyes.

Brother Senetha Tephys – the unyielding paladin.

Senetha is an austere Paladin, a holy warrior in the service of the god Tepharon, and vowed to live a life of celibacy and abstinence. A perfectionist, he’s disciplined and fastidious, well-suited to Paladin training. Falling for you is the last thing he needs.

He can be romanced by male and female characters. He’s tall and has a muscular build with sun-kissed skin, golden blond hair, and blue-green eyes.

Lord Nethica Varena – the hedonistic rake.

Nethica is a charming libertine who is often found carousing with the Ophaesian demimonde to the point of excess. A veritable pretty boy, he struggles with the societal expectation that he must prove himself to have value beyond his pleasing appearance.

He can be romanced by male and female characters. He’s tall and has an athletic build with olive skin, black hair, and dark blue eyes.

Lord Vesperion Verathae – the cold-hearted rival.

Vesperion is cold and reserved with a derisive mien and possesses a barbed wit many find off-putting, though there is a softer side buried deep down. He’s the nephew of Alapharen Verathae, your siblings’ mother and the woman your mother is suspected of murdering, and as such, he’s determined to hate you.

He can be romanced by male and female characters. He’s tall and has an athletic build with fair skin, bronze hair, and amber eyes.


Others.

This section will be updated as the game progresses and new characters are encountered.

Sister Elesyth Naphenys.

Elesyth is the Priestess of Naphenia tasked with raising you while you are in the nursery. Though she is not cruel to you, you suspect she does not like you as much as she liked your siblings.

Lord Aderin Phorathen.

Aderin is King Eraven’s closest adviser and has held the position longer than anyone else. A man with seemingly limitless patience, he is the go-between for Eraven and Ysonia and seems to be one of the few people who does not judge you for the sins of your mother.

Brother Kosphoren Mytys.

Kosphoren is the Priest of Myteus who becomes your Head Tutor after Elesyth leaves. Though he is still young, he is well-educated on a myriad of subjects and is a firm yet gentle hand trying to guide you in the right direction. Queen Ysonia personally nominated him for the appointment, stirring up controversy as he was only recently ordained, and he was awarded the position after the King’s first choice suddenly declined it.



Scroll down to the next post for the FAQ and additional resources, including a name generator, a naming guide, and family trees.

1049 Likes

Other Resources.

Polls.


Family Trees.

House Dahlas Family Tree.

House Maeliah Family Tree.

House Verathae Family Tree.


Names.

Ophaesian Name Guide. [Updated]
Ophaesian Name Generator. [Updated]
Pronunciation Guide. [New]

FAQ.

Don’t see your question here? Feel free to ask me on here or on my Tumblr!

Frequently Asked Questions.

Q: When is the next update?
A: There is no definitive date or estimation I can give for the next update at this time. The beta will be updated when chapter two is complete.

Q: How long will the game be?
A: I honestly have no idea but probably very long. It’s being split into three parts, and my goal for the first part is at least 250,000 words. Part two and part three will most likely be longer.

Q: Can I beta test Seven Heirs?
A: The public version is the beta version of the game, so if you’ve played the demo, you’ve already beta tested! However, there are two other versions of the game — the “alpha preview” version and the alpha version. The “alpha preview” version is available to Sovereign-tier ($10/month) Patrons on my Patreon. Right now it includes an edited version of chapter one and part of chapter two. The alpha version is the most up-to-date version and is only available to alpha testers I have personally selected.

Q: Will there be explicit scenes?
A: Eventually, yes. Or at least I hope so. I may have to tone it down so it can be published, but in that event, I’ll probably post free scenes that are fully explicit on my blog or somewhere.

Q: What time period is this set in?
A: Seven Heirs is very much fantasy, so I have taken no few liberties. As such, it doesn’t exactly fit in with any one time period. That being said, anywhere from mid-15th century to the late-17th century could work.

Q: Is there a place where we can read all the lore?
A: There is a wiki in the works. It’s being made through World Anvil — a wonderful service for worldbuilding — and it will have detailed entries for characters, events, history, and various other bits of lore.

Q: When will the wiki be made public?
A: My hope is to have it available to the public in the first half of next year. Patrons will get first access to all articles, but eventually everything will be available to everyone.

Q: Is there a map of Ophaesia and the other countries?
A: I have a personal map I use, but it’s super messy and ugly. As of right now there is no official map. I do hope to one day commission someone to illustrate a proper map. (If you happen to be a mapmaker, please feel free to DM on here, Discord [Fawkes#4253], or email me at ophaesia@gmail.com.)

Q: Is there a guide to Ophaesian fashion?
A: Indeed there is! I made a post talking about Ophaesian fashion here. There will eventually be a more extensive post regarding it on the wiki.

Q: Can we become the ruler of Ophaesia?
A: Yes. There are a lot of different ways to go about it, but it is absolutely possible to take the throne. However, keep in mind that certain choices can make taking the throne harder and the citizens of Ophaesia less likely to accept you as their sovereign.

Q: Can we kill our father? Can we kill our siblings?
A: This is reaching spoiler territory, but I will say that you can remove obstacles to the throne in a… variety of rather creative ways.

Q: Can my MC be [race]?
A: Yes! How you interpret the Maeliahs and your character is entirely up to you. There are plenty of people who see the Maeliahs as East Asian, others who prefer to consider them black, and more still who think of them as another race! Every interpretation is lore-friendly.

Q: Did Ysonia really poison Alapharen?
A: This question will be answered in the game. It has also already been answered in a Q&A on my Patreon.

Q: Who are the love interests?
A: There are ten main love interests in the game that you can be in long-term/lasting relationships with: four women, five men, and one nonbinary character. More info on them can be found on the Seven Heirs info page.

Q: Can we get married in the game?
A: Yes! You can get married to any of the main love interests. You can also opt to not marry them but still have a longterm relationship with them.

Q: Can the MC have children?
A: They can! Both planned and unplanned pregnancies can occur in the game. There are methods of preventing pregnancy, and I intend to make the choices which lead to pregnancy fairly clear so that you, the player, don’t wind up with a surprise like your MC.

Q: How do children work?
A: Firstly, you get to name any children you have. Your partner may have suggestions, but ultimately you get to make the decision. Secondly, you get some influence over your children’s personalities, but in the end there are a select amount of personalities your children may have. Their personality is randomly chosen at birth, though who their other parent is has an affect over what possible personalities your child may have. Once your child is born, you can interact with them much like any other character. Seven Heirs is not a parenting simulator, so the focus on how your character interacts with their children is more story-based and not all that different from how they interact with other characters.

Q: Do we have to get along with our family?
A: Absolutely not. One of the main themes of the game is exploring all the different kinds of relationships you can have with the characters. I want it to feel as organic as possible.

Q: Is there anything I can do to help?
A: Thank you so much for asking! Just reading my demo is huge, honestly! Knowing there are people out there who enjoy what I’ve made is so motivating and amazing. Following me on Tumblr is a good way to let me know you like Seven Heirs and would like me to keep working on it. If you’re feeling extra generous, you can also support me on Patreon or buy me a Ko-fi.

Q: Are you okay with fanart or fanfiction?
A: Absolutely! I am always blown away and so, so grateful when someone is inspired enough to create something based on my work. I am always okay with any kind of fanworks!

11 Likes

Having played it but once I quite like it. Well, it is a good game, but a rather sad one too, in a way - I am unfortunately able to relate to the attitude received from the king, stirred up a few memories of my own. ‘Words can never hurt me’ indeed… Any way, quite well written, I must say, do keep writing. :relaxed:

I shall try to return to play more later and perhaps report some errors, should I spot any then, I do tend to get swept up in the story far too much the first few times that errors are gone as quickly as a blank character among the text. :blush:

6 Likes

@Shadowdragon Thank you! I actually have fifteen personality stats in the game, as well as nine skill stats divided into three categories. The personality stats range from clever and rebellious to supercilious and vain, and when a stat reaches a certain value, it shows up in the About You section of the Compendium tab in the “You are known for being…” sentence.

And the previous queen, your father’s second wife, died about a year prior to your conception. You’ve been quite isolated within the nursery, so you don’t know much about her or her passing.

And I actually don’t have anything drawn up for the arms of House Maeliah or Dahlas, but I’m sure they’re quite fancy, haha. I’ll hopefully have the means to draw in the near future, in which case I’ll work out the designs for their arms. :slight_smile:

@Taylor_Enean Thank you! I’m glad you liked it, and please, let me know if you spot any errors! :blush:

14 Likes

I thought it was really good particularly for it being the first iteration of the demo. I didn’t find any mistakes at all and thought the game text flowed really well and was interesting throughout. I also like how you are employing the stats and that you are not using any stat bars or numbers visibly.

I thought there was one line that might be kinda borderline for some readers. I know you are trying to write a world with gender inequality, but there was a line like “the women told silly stories as they are wont to do with children.” Since that is the MC’s internal monologue I thought it was a bit prescriptive. I think it would be fine you changed it to be something like “you often overhear people say…” or something to that effect if you want to keep the line in.

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Oh, I suppose the line is rather prescriptive, but I wrote it with the implication that such behavior was a common part of the MC’s life, occurring whenever their mother’s ladies-in-waiting join her for a visit to the nursery, so they assume that is always what happens when women are around children. I’ll give some consideration to rewriting it. :slight_smile:

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If King Rithalus was the First king, what is King Eraven?

What are the ages of our character’s sibling’s and parents? Will you put their ages in the stat screen as they appear?

I have some ideas for the Dahlas coat of arms. I would think the the first king of Ophaesia would put symbols of the three gods that helped him free Ophaesia from the Empire in his coat of arm’s. Not only to honor the god’s but also a way for royal family and the people of Ophaesia remember the past and how the people of Ophaesia fought off the empire with the help of the god’s and the first King.

Here an example for symbols of the God’s. A sword for Tepharon, a book for Myteus and a flower or other symbol for love for Naphenia. And you could put them together as the three god’s are a Triad like this:

A sword superimposed on a open book with flowers ether forming a ring around the sword and book or wraping around them. Showing that rule by book or sword must to tempered by love weather it’s love for one’s country and people or for one’s family. Showing that the three god’s balance each other out. That a king or queen can’t rule by sword, love or knowledge alone. These are only basic Ideas but feel free to use them if you wish @Fawkes.

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This is quite an ambitious project! I loved the introduction, especially the atmosphere of politics going around the MC’s life, which I can only assume there is going to be so much more when he/she reaches adulthood. There is already many “kick the dog” moments though, my poor MC :sob:

I have already planned my male MC’s first rebellion: entering Naphenia’s temple. Hopefully he will succeed :innocent:

Keep up the good work! I am rooting for you :grinning:

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@Fawkes, I love what you have so far! It’s seems well fleshed out. I can already see the foreshadowing laced into that first chapter. I was fondly reminded of my character in Choice of Romance. (I made my Queen cunning, beautiful etc. ) Like I was playing another universe and that would have been the equivalent of her as the mother in your story.

I’m not sure, but with this sentence: For the following hour, they fawned over you, engaging you in silly conversation as women are wont to do with children. <<<— The part I italicized, felt weird when I read it. Like you meant to write "as women without children do. " or "as women want to do with children. "

Keep up the good work! :smile:

“Are wont” means “usually do”

Ah okay. I wasn’t sure if it was meant to be written that way with the setting of the story or not. Thanks

@Fawkes - great start. I enjoy the beginning as a child because it gives a great sense of the familial tension. I also enjoyed being a mirror of my mother; everyone will fall into the trap of assuming I am like her inside :smile_cat:

I chose to be interested in the harp, and I hope there is a distinct path for the musically talented - a very hard thing to pull off, which is why I look forward to the continuation.

I vote for the trappings of state - coat-of-arms, etc to be as nebulous as you can keep them because everyone’s head-cannon will provide a more fertile ground for their imagination to enrich their reading. As it is, the setting could be anywhere from a land like England to a land like Imperial China and I like this flexibility.

I also like the hidden stats because I feel less pressure to meta-game; I like crafting my MC so far. I also look forward to entrapping all my older half-brothers and sisters into my mechanization. I really like the idea of being totally Machiavellian - perfectly princess in traditional Disney on the outside and the Dark Queen of the Huntsman (to complete the Disney analogy) on the inside :smile_cat:

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Will there be political marriages?

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And perhaps foxglove to rectify any marriage to its proper conclusion? :smile_cat:

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@Fawkes I look forward for more! :grin: Its such a great start. My poor MC boy cried when he first meet his father and i swear i cried when his father was so freaking mean! :sob: It was so emotional!

Ugh you hit all my emotions. You managed to get me sad and upset within two seconds :laughing:. I’m glad we could stick up to the MC’s father . Such an asshole.

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@tooweiss i agree, i cant wait to overthrow him he makes me so freaking mad :angry: Maybe killing him will be an option :grinning:

@Fawkes Also i would love/like to meet my older brother again, Prince Terrisen again. Even if i have a hint that he likes me much less. Still My MC likes his third brother very much. :wink:

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@GloriaRose Yeesss! God I want him to regret his attitude towards the MC. I want the MC to go for the crown like a badass. :sunglasses:

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Seems incredibly promising so far. The setup was fluid and I especially liked how you did not overwhelm us with information in the conversation about religion, just enough to start getting a glimpse of their society and want to learn more.
I also now have loooots of feelings (:rage::blush::sob:) about the other characters despite not having very long interactions with them. So much potential for drama, angst, betrayal, treason…Looking forward to it.

How soon can I stab the King and usurp his throne? :smiling_imp:

Not much for me to nitpick about since the writing is really pleasant so I just have to agree with cascat07 about this sentence:

It rubbed me the wrong way. Especially since, if I understood correctly, the narration is made by the MC and an older version of them at that. So it would seem as though they have not challenged gender norms, even though that is something you wanna include in the game.

Other than that I really enjoyed it and am adding it to the list of WIPs I use as an excuse to not do any work. My procrastinating self thanks you.

Wow this game is right my proverbial CoG alley ! :smile:

First of all , I always love medieval-y stories , so this is fantastic.

Second of all , the 7 heirs idea is awesome , as you can do a lot with it ! The MC can kill , denounce , kidnal or maybe just exile everyone (somehow) and get his throne , or keep a council of his most trusted brothers and sisters , and plan to take out problematic ones , sabotage other heirs + other stuff like that , or just be cool and chill as the 7th heir :smiley:

So yeah @Fawkes , I hope you write like a chapter per week , or I’m gonna be really sad :sweat:

( Also can’t wait to pull a Cersei & Jaime all up in here :smirk: )

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