The Seven Heirs of Ophaesia (WIP)

gender-choice
low-fantasy

#1

Hello, everyone!

The Seven Heirs of Ophaesia is a low-fantasy game set in a Renaissance-esque world where you are the King of Ophaesia’s seventh child.

The game starts with your childhood and follows you through your life and ends when you’re around your late-twenties, early-thirties. The story is largely character-driven, and your choices will greatly impact the future of Ophaesia and its neighboring countries. There will be many, many branches, and I have nine long-term love interests planned, so this game will end up being very long, and as such will probably take a while to write. Fortunately, I have a lot of free time, so I’ll be working on it frequently.

You can play as a man or a woman, and you will be treated differently based on your gender. However, you will have every opportunity to fight against gender norms and sexism, or even go along with them if you’d like. The love interests planned each have a set gender and sexuality, and that will not be changed by your choices. Each relationship with them can turn out many different ways, as will your relationships with other characters, such as your family who will play a major part in the game. There will be a lot of different endings, and I don’t intend for any one of them to be entirely good or entirely bad.

My ultimate goal is that each playthrough feels unique and is about the length of a novel.

I have the first chapter finished, and while I’ve checked it for errors and mistakes, I might have missed some. This first chapter is 14.1k words, and that will probably be the average length of future chapters.

Here is the playtest of Chapter One.
-LINK UPDATED AUGUST 1, 2017-
(To clarify, there’s no new content – the game has simply been moved to DashingDon so it’s playable again.)

Please let me know what you think. :slight_smile:


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#2

I’m looking forward to seeing how this game progress and evolves as you write and add more to the story.

What stat’s are you thinking of using for the story? Also then we turn seven in the game our mother is the King’s new queen and his second wife is dead. Wouldn’t our character know about the second queen’s passing?

What do the House arms of Maeliah and Dahlas look like?

Please keep up the good work.


#3

Having played it but once I quite like it. Well, it is a good game, but a rather sad one too, in a way - I am unfortunately able to relate to the attitude received from the king, stirred up a few memories of my own. ‘Words can never hurt me’ indeed… Any way, quite well written, I must say, do keep writing. :relaxed:

I shall try to return to play more later and perhaps report some errors, should I spot any then, I do tend to get swept up in the story far too much the first few times that errors are gone as quickly as a blank character among the text. :blush:


#4

@Shadowdragon Thank you! I actually have fifteen personality stats in the game, as well as nine skill stats divided into three categories. The personality stats range from clever and rebellious to supercilious and vain, and when a stat reaches a certain value, it shows up in the About You section of the Compendium tab in the “You are known for being…” sentence.

And the previous queen, your father’s second wife, died about a year prior to your conception. You’ve been quite isolated within the nursery, so you don’t know much about her or her passing.

And I actually don’t have anything drawn up for the arms of House Maeliah or Dahlas, but I’m sure they’re quite fancy, haha. I’ll hopefully have the means to draw in the near future, in which case I’ll work out the designs for their arms. :slight_smile:

@Taylor_Enean Thank you! I’m glad you liked it, and please, let me know if you spot any errors! :blush:


#5

I thought it was really good particularly for it being the first iteration of the demo. I didn’t find any mistakes at all and thought the game text flowed really well and was interesting throughout. I also like how you are employing the stats and that you are not using any stat bars or numbers visibly.

I thought there was one line that might be kinda borderline for some readers. I know you are trying to write a world with gender inequality, but there was a line like “the women told silly stories as they are wont to do with children.” Since that is the MC’s internal monologue I thought it was a bit prescriptive. I think it would be fine you changed it to be something like “you often overhear people say…” or something to that effect if you want to keep the line in.


#6

Oh, I suppose the line is rather prescriptive, but I wrote it with the implication that such behavior was a common part of the MC’s life, occurring whenever their mother’s ladies-in-waiting join her for a visit to the nursery, so they assume that is always what happens when women are around children. I’ll give some consideration to rewriting it. :slight_smile:


#7

If King Rithalus was the First king, what is King Eraven?

What are the ages of our character’s sibling’s and parents? Will you put their ages in the stat screen as they appear?

I have some ideas for the Dahlas coat of arms. I would think the the first king of Ophaesia would put symbols of the three gods that helped him free Ophaesia from the Empire in his coat of arm’s. Not only to honor the god’s but also a way for royal family and the people of Ophaesia remember the past and how the people of Ophaesia fought off the empire with the help of the god’s and the first King.

Here an example for symbols of the God’s. A sword for Tepharon, a book for Myteus and a flower or other symbol for love for Naphenia. And you could put them together as the three god’s are a Triad like this:

A sword superimposed on a open book with flowers ether forming a ring around the sword and book or wraping around them. Showing that rule by book or sword must to tempered by love weather it’s love for one’s country and people or for one’s family. Showing that the three god’s balance each other out. That a king or queen can’t rule by sword, love or knowledge alone. These are only basic Ideas but feel free to use them if you wish @Fawkes.


#8

This is quite an ambitious project! I loved the introduction, especially the atmosphere of politics going around the MC’s life, which I can only assume there is going to be so much more when he/she reaches adulthood. There is already many “kick the dog” moments though, my poor MC :sob:

I have already planned my male MC’s first rebellion: entering Naphenia’s temple. Hopefully he will succeed :innocent:

Keep up the good work! I am rooting for you :grinning:


#9

@Fawkes, I love what you have so far! It’s seems well fleshed out. I can already see the foreshadowing laced into that first chapter. I was fondly reminded of my character in Choice of Romance. (I made my Queen cunning, beautiful etc. ) Like I was playing another universe and that would have been the equivalent of her as the mother in your story.

I’m not sure, but with this sentence: For the following hour, they fawned over you, engaging you in silly conversation as women are wont to do with children. <<<— The part I italicized, felt weird when I read it. Like you meant to write "as women without children do. " or "as women want to do with children. "

Keep up the good work! :smile:


#10

“Are wont” means “usually do”


#11

Ah okay. I wasn’t sure if it was meant to be written that way with the setting of the story or not. Thanks


#12

@Fawkes - great start. I enjoy the beginning as a child because it gives a great sense of the familial tension. I also enjoyed being a mirror of my mother; everyone will fall into the trap of assuming I am like her inside :smile_cat:

I chose to be interested in the harp, and I hope there is a distinct path for the musically talented - a very hard thing to pull off, which is why I look forward to the continuation.

I vote for the trappings of state - coat-of-arms, etc to be as nebulous as you can keep them because everyone’s head-cannon will provide a more fertile ground for their imagination to enrich their reading. As it is, the setting could be anywhere from a land like England to a land like Imperial China and I like this flexibility.

I also like the hidden stats because I feel less pressure to meta-game; I like crafting my MC so far. I also look forward to entrapping all my older half-brothers and sisters into my mechanization. I really like the idea of being totally Machiavellian - perfectly princess in traditional Disney on the outside and the Dark Queen of the Huntsman (to complete the Disney analogy) on the inside :smile_cat:


#13

Will there be political marriages?


#14

And perhaps foxglove to rectify any marriage to its proper conclusion? :smile_cat:


#15

@Fawkes I look forward for more! :grin: Its such a great start. My poor MC boy cried when he first meet his father and i swear i cried when his father was so freaking mean! :sob: It was so emotional!


#16

Ugh you hit all my emotions. You managed to get me sad and upset within two seconds :laughing:. I’m glad we could stick up to the MC’s father . Such an asshole.


#17

@tooweiss i agree, i cant wait to overthrow him he makes me so freaking mad :angry: Maybe killing him will be an option :grinning:

@Fawkes Also i would love/like to meet my older brother again, Prince Terrisen again. Even if i have a hint that he likes me much less. Still My MC likes his third brother very much. :wink:


#18

@GloriaRose Yeesss! God I want him to regret his attitude towards the MC. I want the MC to go for the crown like a badass. :sunglasses:


#19

Seems incredibly promising so far. The setup was fluid and I especially liked how you did not overwhelm us with information in the conversation about religion, just enough to start getting a glimpse of their society and want to learn more.
I also now have loooots of feelings (:rage::blush::sob:) about the other characters despite not having very long interactions with them. So much potential for drama, angst, betrayal, treason…Looking forward to it.

How soon can I stab the King and usurp his throne? :smiling_imp:

Not much for me to nitpick about since the writing is really pleasant so I just have to agree with cascat07 about this sentence:

It rubbed me the wrong way. Especially since, if I understood correctly, the narration is made by the MC and an older version of them at that. So it would seem as though they have not challenged gender norms, even though that is something you wanna include in the game.

Other than that I really enjoyed it and am adding it to the list of WIPs I use as an excuse to not do any work. My procrastinating self thanks you.


#20

Wow this game is right my proverbial CoG alley ! :smile:

First of all , I always love medieval-y stories , so this is fantastic.

Second of all , the 7 heirs idea is awesome , as you can do a lot with it ! The MC can kill , denounce , kidnal or maybe just exile everyone (somehow) and get his throne , or keep a council of his most trusted brothers and sisters , and plan to take out problematic ones , sabotage other heirs + other stuff like that , or just be cool and chill as the 7th heir :smiley:

So yeah @Fawkes , I hope you write like a chapter per week , or I’m gonna be really sad :sweat:

( Also can’t wait to pull a Cersei & Jaime all up in here :smirk: )