I just finished playing through the prologue and chapter 1, and gathered some notes from the experience.
As far as the technical side of writing goes, my immediate impression was that you’ve already got it mastered on a professional level.
It read super smooth. The premise was interesting, and the way characters were described made it very easy to visualize them.
Here are some thoughts on the choice mechanics and narrative I’ve had while playing through.
The customization option ‘ I don’t work for a living. I’m independently wealthy.’ made me laugh, and I went for it immediately.
(After choosing a background, you could consider including a tag telling the player to check the stat screen. I looked at the code, and was surprised at how many variables it changed. But with no description, players can easily assume it’s just flavor text.)
The narrative reasoning for why a rich bum would be called in to investigate a break-in felt like it could have been justified better. It makes sense from the player’s perspective because the character just had a dream about it, but in-world, it feels less so than a detective MC, or a doctor.
For every event that follows, with the way reporters and the police meet and share information with the MC so easily, I again thought a well-known detective would be most fitting.
After finishing the chapter, the main impression I had was that I would have enjoyed the story even if the narrative decided for me where I should go next.
It’s common for choicescript titles to have linear progression, and I admit I was a bit lost on the free-roam section. (likely because I lost the skill checks and had no clues to go on.)
The scene in chapter 2 started with Alyssa’s news article, and my first thought was that I could have probably helped her write a better one, if I managed to find more clues other than a single button.
Again, the foundation here was very strong, and I think just a little more guidance could help make it better.
I hope the feedback is useful. Good luck with the development!
