The right way to write "telepathic" dialogue (Poll)

Loudbeat · 2020-11-13T17:06:38.876Z

Hi all, hope you’re doing great.

In my book I have a character that communicates through some kind of “telepathic” thoughts to the main character, like having a conversation with someone but without spoken words, no need of line of sight also, so there’s no visual aids nor physical references from that character, only “hearing” if I could say so.

I have been using punctuation the wrong way since the beginning, so I need to learn which is the right way and the most accepted way, I need you to tell me which of these you think is most natural and understandable way of reading a “telepathic” dialogue.

I’ll give an example of a conversation between 3 characters:
Roger, the main character.
Betty, an npc.
Mark, the voice you hear inside your head.

code (so you can copy edit if you want)

[details="1."]
```
The horse makes you wobble on the chair with every step, continuous and rhythmic as you look at the greenery of the foliage around.

[i]Are you going to talk to her?[/i] the voice comes directly to your mind pulling you off from contemplating the environment.

[i]Wh-What?[/i] your eyes dart straight to her and then you look away trying to dissimulate [i]Why should I?[/i] you shrug trying to seem careless.

[i]Well, if you are not gonna say something at least you could stop staring at her like a creep[/i]

[i]I'm not looking at-[/i]

"Mind if you join?" Betty's words cut your thoughts, she is turning her torso towards you as her body moves to one side and the other. "Come on, don't be a stranger." She shows you a beautiful smile.

[i]You know I see everything you see right?[/i]

"Oh shut up!" Betty frowns at you, her smile fades away like a leaf taken by the breeze as you realize you spoke aloud "No! I… I mean, I was talking to myself." you excuse yourself and hit the horse on the side to pick up speed. [i]Are you always so annoying?[/i]

[i]I'm afraid not, but you can expect improvements, as the tendency seems to be to always try to overcome oneself.[/i] his voice resounded loud and clear dampening the noises from outside. [i]You on the other hand, are making an excellent progress, though I'll recommend you to switch your creepiness to something more… friendly[/i]

[i]I would if you could keep in silence[/i] "Hiii!" you say sounding happier than you intended as soon as you reach her.
```
[/details]

1. The CoG guidelines

The horse makes you wobble on the chair with every step, continuous and rhythmic as you look at the greenery of the foliage around.

Are you going to talk to her? the voice comes directly to your mind pulling you off from contemplating the environment.

Wh-What? your eyes dart straight to her and then you look away trying to dissimulate Why should I? you shrug trying to seem careless.

Well, if you are not gonna say something at least you could stop staring at her like a creep

I’m not looking at-

“Mind if you join?” Betty’s words cut your thoughts, she is turning her torso towards you as her body moves to one side and the other. “Come on, don’t be a stranger.” She shows you a beautiful smile.

You know I see everything you see right?

“Oh shut up!” Betty frowns at you, her smile fades away like a leaf taken by the breeze as you realize you spoke aloud “No! I… I mean, I was talking to myself.” you excuse yourself and hit the horse on the side to pick up speed. Are you always so annoying?

I’m afraid not, but you can expect improvements, as the tendency seems to be to always try to overcome oneself. his voice resounded loud and clear dampening the noises from outside. You on the other hand, are making an excellent progress, though I’ll recommend you to switch your creepiness to something more… friendly

I would if you could keep in silence “Hiii!” you say sounding happier than you intended as soon as you reach her.

“”

2. Everyone has their own visual key

The horse makes you wobble on the chair with every step, continuous and rhythmic as you look at the greenery of the foliage around.

“~Are you going to talk to her?~” the voice comes directly to your mind pulling you off from contemplating the environment.

“Wh-What?” your eyes dart straight to her and then you look away trying to dissimulate “Why should I?” you shrug trying to seem careless.

“~Well, if you are not gonna say something at least you could stop staring at her like a creep~”

“I’m not looking at-”

“Mind if you join?” Betty’s words cut your thoughts, she is turning her torso towards you as her body moves to one side and the other. “Come on, don’t be a stranger.” She shows you a beautiful smile.

“~You know I see everything you see right?~”

“Oh shut up!” Betty frowns at you, her smile fades away like a leaf taken by the breeze as you realize you spoke aloud “No! I… I mean, I was talking to myself.” you excuse yourself and hit the horse on the side to pick up speed. “Are you always so annoying?”

“~I’m afraid not, but you can expect improvements, as the tendency seems to be to always try to overcome oneself.~” his voice resounded loud and clear dampening the noises from outside. “~You on the other hand, are making an excellent progress, though I’ll recommend you to switch your creepiness to something more… friendly~”

“I would if you could keep in silence” “Hiii!” you say sounding happier than you intended as soon as you reach her.

3. Another simpler way...

The horse makes you wobble on the chair with every step, continuous and rhythmic as you look at the greenery of the foliage around.

~Are you going to talk to her?~ the voice comes directly to your mind pulling you off from contemplating the environment.

“Wh-What?” your eyes dart straight to her and then you look away trying to dissimulate “Why should I?” you shrug trying to seem careless.

~Well, if you are not gonna say something at least you could stop staring at her like a creep~

“I’m not looking at-”

“Mind if you join?” Betty’s words cut your thoughts, she is turning her torso towards you as her body moves to one side and the other. “Come on, don’t be a stranger.” She shows you a beautiful smile.

~You know I see everything you see right?~

“Oh shut up!” Betty frowns at you, her smile fades away like a leaf taken by the breeze as you realize you spoke aloud “No! I… I mean, I was talking to myself.” you excuse yourself and hit the horse on the side to pick up speed. “Are you always so annoying?”

~I’m afraid not, but you can expect improvements, as the tendency seems to be to always try to overcome oneself.~ his voice resounded loud and clear dampening the noises from outside. ~You on the other hand, are making an excellent progress, though I’ll recommend you to switch your creepiness to something more… friendly.~

“I would if you could keep in silence” “Hiii!” you say sounding happier than you intended as soon as you reach her.

Feel free to suggest any other way, replace symbols by others, or whatever you want.

I prefer

1 not MC / MC thoughts / “MC spoken words”
2 “~not MC~” / “MC thoughts” / “MC spoken words”
3 ~not MC~ / “MC thoughts” / “MC spoken words”

0 voters

Personally, the italics alone are too subtle for me, and I think I’ll get easily used to associate some symbol like ~ or any other to the “telepathic” thoughts that the MC “hears” inside his head. But I’m doing this book so you can enjoy it, so I’ll love to hear your opinion about it.

Thanks!

AChubbyBlackCat · 2020-11-13T17:18:19.361Z

A post was merged into an existing topic: Polls about COG, HG, and IF games

AChubbyBlackCat · 2020-11-13T17:18:20.534Z

Eiwynn · 2020-11-13T17:22:52.412Z