Thanks for responding fast. I was playing easy mode.
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Hey @Jackpot1776 this is short but very goodâŚ
Itâd be way better if thereâs a save optionâŚ
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Love the concept so far. Especially the bandit route
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Just a quick update, I purposely left put everything new I have written, but I uploaded a new version with bug fixes and gender inconsistencies. Nothing truly substantial, just smoothing some rough spots.
@Brody_McCarthy That path is not written yet, so I sent you down the path that is complete. Should be done by the next update though.
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Chose to recruit the towns people but it sent me down the bandit path
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I died but I was playing on easy mode. Well, it did said that I canât die so I thought there would be no perma-death.
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There is a slight error as of now regarding death. Whatâs going to end up happening is you essentially get 3 âlivesâ but each death still adds to the story. But for now you can die in both modes without a redo. Should be fixed in the next update.
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Alright! I was actually able to clean up that whole mess related to death, so here is an early update! The leave valor scenario is much farther (havenât made any progress on save valor, sorry). Adds about 3000 words ish, and there shouldnât be any bugs.
Join the discord if you havenât already! I plan to put art, fanfic, spoilers, guides, all that good stuff will be there as time goes on.
I hope you are all having fun with this!
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Just an update as to what is going on with the project, I ended up changing your starting age to 18. I wanted to start the MC younger, but it just created too many issues with ROs. Iâm not 100% sure when chapter 2 will be done, Iâm writing at a good clip but while chapter one took me about 16k words to write, this will take 32k because there are 2 major paths. Lots of fun! (But so much work 
)
The discord is now fully operational, everything is there except for you guys! Come join the fun!
To glorious victory or honorable death!
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Another update out. Primarily reworks of stat page, death scenes, and the battles, but I also added about 3000 words. Lots of incomplete pathways, so the next update will probably take longer but also add⌠10-15 thousand words? Next one will be a biggie. Discord is in the first post or the post above if youâre interested.
As always, enjoy yourselves! And to anyone with upcoming college applications and/or finals, good luck!
Edit: Just kidding. Next update was tonight, 12/7/2020. Fixed all typos, gender inconsistencies, and bugs in chapter one. Should be entirely clear up to chapter 2.
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@Jackpot1776 - Just finished my first playthrough. I like it. A little rough in places, but that is always true of a work in progress.
My biggest suggestion has to do with spacing. There are blocks of text that might be better broken up into their own pages or interspersed with player choices to keep up a rhythm. But thatâs really for a second draft. The important thing is that you get the story down first, and that seems to be exactly what you are doing.
Realm of Steel Notes
Pick up the mirror and examine yourself - Needs a period at the end. Also a fair way to have the player look at themselves.
"Oh! I just remembered, your eighteenth birthday is tomorrow, is it not? - On the second draft, perhaps just have him congratulate you on turning 18 tomorrow. It feels a little forced here.
As you walk towards the village center, - Consider turning this into a choice. They all lead to the village center, but how a player goes about that will help them picture their character better and also gives the illusion of freedom of action.
âMay Alatala strike them down in his glory,â - Consider using an exclamation point here before the farmer stalks away.
A bit perturbed, you hurry on your way. - Another opportunity to let the player have a choice. Again, it may not amount to much or even be a fake_choice, but how they react to the situation may well matter to them.
is there a God?" - Capitalize âisâ. Also, this is certainly an inspired way to introduce religion into the story.
merchant or priest - for this choice, both words should be capitalized.
âAnnalise! Annalise! Wake up kid we gotta move!â Clutching your forehead, you slowly open your eyes, but the light sends flashes of pain shooting through you and you hurriedly close them. âHey, you alright? One of the hunterâs children saw the bandits attack you and take Virginia. I brought some men with me to help.â - The scene before this was good. A sudden shock.
But this part is more of a summary. Can you give us the visceral feeling of recovering from the cudgel thump. The taste of coppery blood running down the throat, eyes canât focus, a bell-ringer of a headache, the scent of a busted nose, or the like. Let us feel the unfair cruelty of the world that has been thrust upon us.
As you follow Garth through the forest, terrible thoughts start to run through your mind. - This would make another good choice for the player. Let them choose their terrible thoughts, knowing that others are in the mix too.
But one man stands out. Dressed all in dark purple, the man carries two large sabers at his waist. His face is stuck in a perpetual sneer, - Thatâs interesting, but perhaps you could save it to be revealed just a little later on, and then have Garth or one of the others react to the brutal killing of one of the bandits.
âWe have toââ Garth begins to say.
(Man in purple kills a bandit.)
âWhat theâŚâ Garth says quietly.
(Choice of response here)
As you look around, you see two eyes staring at you from the darkness. âAah!â you cry out! - You might want to put in a choice here. Players rarely like to have their actions dictated to them. However, you might also put in a natural reaction, a half step backward, whether to put them on solid footing for a fight or as a prelude to flight.
A piece of paper sits on the ground, and you stoop over to read it. In looping cursive, it reads, - Consider using a small obelisk or a smoothed stone etched or chiseled with the words instead of using paper here.
âAAIIEEE,â - Thatâs what it reads like, but what does it sound like that has emotional context? The wail of a child falling down a well? A puppy having its tail torn off?
The scene immediately after this with the â.â is interesting, but it felt like a bug the first time I read it and drew me out of the game. Consider using ââŚâ perhaps with a choice option of ⌠or ? or ! in reply. You could even follow it with a similar back and forth in the playerâs mind as they rouse themselves from this state. Fun concept though, a little like what they did in Disco Elysium.
Try to deflect his blade with your own - needs a period or exclamation point afterwards.
Try to counter and attack - needs a period or exclamation point afterwards.
The woman is the most beautiful person you have ever seen. -Okay, now describe her as such. 
Consider having the player decide if she is, or she strikes them as inspiring, vital, graceful, etc, via a choice after you give a âflawless skin, silken hair, and teeth most fairâ description.
She is perfect in every way, except for one thing. Where her eyes are supposed to be, empty sockets stare out, black, web-like tendrils spreading across her face. - This is an excellent reveal. It virtually demands a page of its own.
How unique. - Feels like this comment needs something more. A born leader isnât unique. Impressive, perhaps. Timely? Perhaps too.
This is an interesting first chapter. May there be many more.
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Alright, new update (finally haha). I rewrote large portions of Chapter One, added lots of new choices, more words, all spelling/grammar/bugs should (emphasis on should) be fixed.
For now, I have chapter 2 entirely locked as I need to rewrite the scene. Still there, just currently unplayable. Sorry 
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So you increased the difficulty of puzzles by not allow players to choose from available choices regardless of what difficult you chose so itâs only fair for us to have a âLITTLEâ more stat bonuses, right ?
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Aww man, I liked the math puzzles, made me thing I may be able to survive this story and learn a little.
Though I did not know what that f sequence was till now, I just thought it was a pattern.
And to be honest, I thought I was dreaming till I Virginia died.
Also can i save her if I also try to save Valor? Or must we run?
Donât worry about the math puzzles, I will still include more.
As far as Virginia goes, she dies. Sorry!
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Great story, Itâs the first chapter, and I already lost two people, I canât wait to avenge my father and Virginia. That Nightbrothetr lady is going down
The jokes where you play to create a diversion were funny.
Looking forward to the next update. Keep writing.
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Reopened at authorâs request.
Why?
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