# The Prophecy (WiP) UPDATED (06.11.2023) **URL:** \ **Category:** Works In Progress\ **Tags:** gender-choice, high-fantasy\ **Created:** [December 21, 2021, 8:27pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/the-prophecy-wip-updated-06-11-2023/111443 "2021-12-21T20:27:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![frifli](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/frifli/32/159591_2.png) [@frifli](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/frifli)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2021, 6:40pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/the-prophecy-wip-updated-06-11-2023/111443/21 "2021-12-23T18:40:29Z")
A draft I’m working on. Any punctuation issues? > “Well this has been fun but I think we should go.” She moves closer towards Eivan and I, “Let’s deal with this in private.” > > Before I can possibly object, a hand pulls me and we soon disappear into the crowd. > > \*page\_break > > We enter a house similar to the ones I first saw exiting the forest. > > Two sofas, a chair and a table is the only thing semblance of furniture that the house, specifically room, offers. Looking at anything else makes my head hurt trying to figure what exactly they are. > > I feel intense eyes on me and I turn to look in its direction. Eivan is pacing around the room and Malias is looking at me earnestly. Also I’m trying to edit the main post and add something. Am I only limited to a certain amount of edits? ---
**Author:** ![geldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a3d4f5/32.png) [@geldar](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/geldar)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2021, 7:43pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/the-prophecy-wip-updated-06-11-2023/111443/22 "2021-12-23T19:43:33Z")
There are some grammar issues: -The first person pronoun in the first sentence should be in the accusative case, since it’s an object. -I would use an Oxford comma after chair, but of course that’s not mandatory. But really, that entire sentence is just… weird. -their\* direction, since eyes is plural. ---
**Author:** ![llim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/llim/32/149458_2.png) [@llim](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/llim)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2021, 6:14am UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/the-prophecy-wip-updated-06-11-2023/111443/23 "2021-12-24T06:14:02Z")
"Well, this has been fun, but I think we should go.” She moves closer to Eivan and me. “Let’s deal with this in private.” Before I can object, a hand pulls me and we soon disappear into the crowd. \*page\_break We enter a house similar to those I saw while exiting the forest. Two sofas, a chair, and a table are the only semblance of furniture in the house. Looking at anything else makes my head hurt trying to figure what exactly they are. I feel intense eyes on me and I turn to look in their direction. Eivan is pacing around the room and Malias is looking at me earnestly. * * * Here’s my attempt at fixing your grammar. But honestly, I think the problem goes beyond grammar. For example, why don’t you describe what these objects inside the house are (the ones that apparently hurt the mc to look at)? Whose hand is pulling the mc into the crowd? What does having “intense eyes” on you feel like? You might try using more descriptive words. For example, instead of “she moves closer to us”, you could describe how she moves. “She rushes towards us, making Eivan flinch” or “she leans towards us and lowers her voice.” etc etc. I think you’d be better off trying to add more evocative description and think about how you want to set your scenes, rather than focusing only on the grammar. But thats just my two cents 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![FoolishReader](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/foolishreader/32/150463_2.png) [@FoolishReader](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/FoolishReader)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2021, 6:34am UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/the-prophecy-wip-updated-06-11-2023/111443/24 "2021-12-24T06:34:08Z")
Hey there lad, I’ll be entirely honest. I’d suggest maybe a day or two just to fix grammar errors and spelling. I’d also advise you to take your time. Never Rush a book otherwise it’ll turn into something that isn’t very interesting and forced. This can turn into a great book or turn into a trashfire. Though, I’d doubt you will do a trashfire. Good luck, I will look forward to a edited and revised book. You got this. ---
**Author:** ![frifli](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/frifli/32/159591_2.png) [@frifli](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/frifli)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2021, 1:04pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/the-prophecy-wip-updated-06-11-2023/111443/25 "2021-12-24T13:04:25Z")
Thank you for the supportive words. I’m just glad I got this out there to find exactly what is wrong here. ---
**Author:** ![frifli](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/frifli/32/159591_2.png) [@frifli](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/frifli)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2021, 1:05pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/the-prophecy-wip-updated-06-11-2023/111443/26 "2021-12-24T13:05:09Z")
Thank you a lot for this. This will definitely help pinpoint me towards where I’m going wrong. ---
**Author:** ![FutbolDude21586](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/dfb087/32.png) [@FutbolDude21586](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/FutbolDude21586)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2021, 12:47pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/the-prophecy-wip-updated-06-11-2023/111443/27 "2021-12-26T12:47:23Z")
I like it so far. I only have one thing. “Eivan!” she screams out of breath, “their here… their here… their finally here.” - their should be they’re. They are. ---
**Author:** ![Petrichor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e19adc/32.png) [@Petrichor](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/Petrichor)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2021, 10:34pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/the-prophecy-wip-updated-06-11-2023/111443/28 "2021-12-26T22:34:01Z")
Just started reading, but on the first page, the first word “prologue” is misspelled as “prolouge” ---
**Author:** ![Petrichor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e19adc/32.png) [@Petrichor](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/Petrichor)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2021, 10:47pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/the-prophecy-wip-updated-06-11-2023/111443/29 "2021-12-26T22:47:19Z")
Just finished reading through once, and I dont really have much to add that hasn’t been said already. Lots of typos. Definitely an interesting story concept, I’m greatly looking forward to seeing what comes of it. You’ve managed to leave me wanting more, which is always a good sign in my book. ---
**Author:** ![Wealmostmadeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/wealmostmadeit/32/159520_2.png) [@Wealmostmadeit](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/Wealmostmadeit)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2021, 7:00am UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/the-prophecy-wip-updated-06-11-2023/111443/30 "2021-12-28T07:00:37Z")
I was wondering if you have considered coding with CSIDE, that would seem like the most sure fire way to clean up the spelling mistakes and prevent them in the future. I myself just started using it around last week and it is leaps and bounds better then Notepad & ++. Also maybe condence traits and personality, too much personality traits makes me feel like I don’t necesarily know who my character is. Best wishes and good luck. ---
**Author:** ![frifli](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/frifli/32/159591_2.png) [@frifli](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/frifli)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2021, 7:52pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/the-prophecy-wip-updated-06-11-2023/111443/31 "2021-12-29T19:52:11Z")
Thanks for the idea but It’s not working on my computer ---
**Author:** ![AchilleanHeartbreak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/achilleanheartbreak/32/160057_2.png) [@AchilleanHeartbreak](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/AchilleanHeartbreak)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2021, 12:36am UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/the-prophecy-wip-updated-06-11-2023/111443/32 "2021-12-30T00:36:56Z")
Hey there, Firstly, a huge thank you for sharing this with us. I’m looking forwards to reading it ❤ **Feedback** - It’d be nice to have a bit more customisation on what we look like. Such as eye colour, the style of hair instead of just length, and if you really wanted to go for customisation you could have height or clothes options. - I’m curious to ask about your decision to give the MC their last name instead of allowing players to choose. Nothing wrong with it per say, just not as common in interactive novels and I’m curious. - When picking where we are, the only option is ‘somewhere’. Not sure if there are supposed to be or planned to be more options. However, the page break option on the somewhere page is ‘Where are now?’, which isn’t grammatically correct. Maybe ‘Where are we/you now?’ Overall, I think this has good potential and I’m excited to read more. I think as an author you did a good job of establishing the mystique around their dream sequence or them getting lost which I like as I think it plays into the theme/genre you are exploring. Thank you 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![frifli](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/frifli/32/159591_2.png) [@frifli](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/frifli)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2021, 12:54am UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/the-prophecy-wip-updated-06-11-2023/111443/33 "2021-12-31T00:54:42Z")
> [@AchilleanHeartbreak](#): > > It’d be nice to have a bit more customisation on what we look like. Such as eye colour, the style of hair instead of just length, and if you really wanted to go for customisation you could have height or clothes options. Oh yes, you’ll be able to choose your eye color in chapter one (as well as your sexuality). Mostly working my way around rewriting chapter 1. > [@AchilleanHeartbreak](#): > > I’m curious to ask about your decision to give the MC their last name instead of allowing players to choose. Nothing wrong with it per say, just not as common in interactive novels and I’m curious. The last name of the character isn’t important (if that was what you were wondering) I think I’ll make an option to choose your last name though. > [@AchilleanHeartbreak](#): > > When picking where we are, the only option is ‘somewhere’. Not sure if there are supposed to be or planned to be more options. However, the page break option on the somewhere page is ‘Where are now?’, which isn’t grammatically correct. Maybe ‘Where are we/you now?’ Yes, I’m working on fixing/changing that after hearing about the \*hide\_reuse function. And also thank you. ---
**Author:** ![rialta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c67d28/32.png) [@rialta](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/rialta)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2022, 6:08pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/the-prophecy-wip-updated-06-11-2023/111443/34 "2022-01-03T18:08:23Z")
hi when i click , i have that . Also i chose doctor route ![Screenshot_20220103-190549_Chrome](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/original/3X/9/0/90f9e73ee16f0b20358885cbdd07001a0a85640e.jpeg) thanks you ! ---
**Author:** ![frifli](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/frifli/32/159591_2.png) [@frifli](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/frifli)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2022, 9:14pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/the-prophecy-wip-updated-06-11-2023/111443/35 "2022-01-03T21:14:54Z")
Thanks for telling me. Should be fixed now ---
**Author:** ![Ghoslestat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/ghoslestat/32/144816_2.png) [@Ghoslestat](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/Ghoslestat)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2022, 10:17pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/the-prophecy-wip-updated-06-11-2023/111443/36 "2022-01-03T22:17:09Z")
@frifli Just tried playing this. It wouldn’t even load from the beginning. It only gave me three options. Run, Walk, Cry. That’s it. ---
**Author:** ![frifli](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/frifli/32/159591_2.png) [@frifli](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/frifli)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2022, 10:53pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/the-prophecy-wip-updated-06-11-2023/111443/37 "2022-01-03T22:53:07Z")
There was an issue before (I accidentally uploaded a different file into the game when I was fixing something) It should be alright now. And sorry for the inconvenience ---
**Author:** ![Killdiras](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/killdiras/32/150884_2.png) [@Killdiras](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/Killdiras)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2022, 5:33pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/the-prophecy-wip-updated-06-11-2023/111443/38 "2022-01-06T17:33:11Z")
My first impression is pretty good, can’t talk about grammar errors cuz I didn’t find them and I just can’t English properly, only issue I found was with the custom surname option that is probably set to change the First Name and not the Last one. ---
**Author:** ![frifli](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/frifli/32/159591_2.png) [@frifli](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/frifli)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2022, 4:24am UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/the-prophecy-wip-updated-06-11-2023/111443/39 "2022-01-18T04:24:30Z")
Thanks for the response. I’ll fix any coding errors after I finish and release chapter 1. Happy to hear that you’re enjoying it so far and I hope whatever expectations you have for this WiP is fulfilled. ---
**Author:** ![cryptidkaruma](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/choiceofgames/user_avatar/forum.choiceofgames.com/cryptidkaruma/32/129462_2.png) [@cryptidkaruma](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/cryptidkaruma)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2022, 5:41pm UTC](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/the-prophecy-wip-updated-06-11-2023/111443/40 "2022-02-02T17:41:19Z")
I’m not sure if this is only happening on my browser but when you’re inputting your name in the beginning, the last name gets used as the First name so when you eventually introduce yourself to the character in the woods you introduce yourself by your last name. [Previous page](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/the-prophecy-wip-updated-06-11-2023/111443.md?page=1) [Next page](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/the-prophecy-wip-updated-06-11-2023/111443.md?page=3)