The Porthecrawl Witness - a WIP (Chap 4 of Demo added - 3/19)

romance
gender-choice
nonbinary-inclusive
#62

Thanks for taking the time to play it!

It’s such a relief that people are sort of “settling” into the town - that was a huge goal for me. I’m also please to hear you say that you feel protective of the secrets, as I was sure if people would be even a little inclined to go that route.

Also…just throwing this out there…but my money is on Sasha being the most ‘popular’ choice of RO. Sasha might actually be my favorite (in the sense that his/her personality is most appealing). When I was drawing inspiration for Sasha, a lot of it came from Johnny Depp’s portrayal of Ichabod Crane in Sleepy Hollow and Rachel Weisz as Evelyn in The Mummy. Daily factoid #27 of the creation process.

8 Likes

#63

Good point about the title! Thanks for pointing that out because it didn’t even cross my mind.

Talbot is definitely the odd one…like really odd. I mentioned some inspo for Sasha in a response above - for Talbot, that inspiration actually came from a previous character I’d written and a little from Tom Ellis’ Lucifer character (namely his mannerisms, which I find really interesting).

It’s not a spoiler to say that the ROs will be nosing around and the MC is going to have play interception (or help them, sort of, a little) .

2 Likes

#64

Thanks for pointing those things out! After a point, I just stop catching some of the smaller typos. I’ll get it fixed and updated.

Also, I’m glad you mentioned that about Asher being ‘out of the ordinary’. It’s something a short paragraph or two can fix. People have been so helpful with feedback for that first chapter, especially in regards to how the information is being conveyed. I’ll sit down with it this morning and see what I can work out on that particular topic.

It’s also good know that the ROs have sparked some interest! Their interactions will certainly be a point of focus as chapters progress.

Thanks again for your feedback :grin: It’s a huge help.

1 Like

#65

Thanks for the reply! I have some questions and a bit of feedback. How old is the MC? Based on the text surrounding their job at the paper it seems like that is their first major job, so my guess was maybe mid to late twenties. Leaning later if they went to college. Also, are there any other members of the MCs family? I know the Aunt raised them and it seems to just be the two of them in the family home, but any cousins?
Regarding the feedback maybe a bit more context regarding the relationship with the Mayor. The MC seems to dislike him but the Mayor has acted rather nice, if a bit busy, and his wife seems to be a rather decent person and almost a friend to the MC.
Also, something i realized after making my post is that this is game is kinda a subversion in mysteries where the POV character is the outsider. Instead you are the local guide that at least has some understanding of the mystery.

2 Likes

#66

So, in regards to the MC’s age, I personally would put them mid to late twenties. But if someone wanted to imagine them a bit younger or older, that would work just as well. Eleanor was their guardian for most of their childhood and would have been her early forties when that happened, as I’m imagining her in her sixties during the events of this story.

One of the issues I may touch on is that these old families are…well, bound to die out eventually. So, with the exception of the distant cousins that are bound to occur in a small town, the MC and their aunt are really the last surviving members of the X family. Or, phrased with more relevance, the last of the X line who have a connection with the Ancestors. I’ll try to add in a little information as to how that works in the first or second chapters - I’m thinking maybe Faye and Annabelle will be a good catalyst for the MC to relay that information.

The Mayor is…kind of a sleaze? Not a creepy sleaze, but that slicked-back, fast-talking “of course I’ll personally see to that problem…three months from now” kind of guy. He’s a staunch traditionalist when it comes to the town and I wanted there to be enough leeway there for the reader to go either way. I was debating on including an option to go and speak to the mayor in Chapter Two, so that may be a good way to allow the MC to elaborate and develop that relationship further.

I was actually really hesitant about putting the MC in a position where they aren’t the outsider, but the more I worked out the story and plot, the more I realized it was going to be the most interesting angle. Initially, this idea grew out of a very Lovecraftian/Shadow Over Innsmouth story I was working on that did have the protagonist arriving in town in a more traditional set-up. But…here we are!

10 Likes

#67

Ok! That clarifies a lot of things! Thanks! Regarding a scene with the Mayor at the party (i think that is the bulk of chapter 2), i personally like that idea. When you first talk to him you can be like “i will just ask him later” after he runs off, and i had been planning on doing that, but then i could not.

0 Likes

#68

you are welcome! :blush: thats how we avid leecher-I mean cough reader…know there is an update and we get MOAR! :sweat_smile:

Also when you reply to everyone (and god know…you gonna reply to alot of peoples.)…you can use the tag like for exemple @redmark for each…so it isnt considered spam .

as for the Blur…better safe then sorry :wink:

well I like her name…but I can’t shake the vibe I get from her :sweat_smile:

1 Like

#69

“I’m David, by the way,” you tell her and she brightens noticeably, rosy-cheeked and girlish despite the gray in his hair.

her

0 Likes

#70

Wow, this has me instantly sold! Your writing is really really good, far better than the bulk of published Hosted Games authors out there. The premise is really interesting, the split timeline thing has me really intrigued on how the story will play out, especially the relationship with Asher, considering he and the MC are separated by several centuries. The other three romance options have all caught my interest as well and I look forward to getting to know them better. I’ll definitely be keeping my eyes on this one, been a long time I saw a WIP that had me so hooked. I’m eagerly awaiting the next update now. Great job!

5 Likes

#71

Ok, fixed it. Thanks for pointing that one out!

2 Likes

#72

@Blackbird

Oh gosh…thanks! I’m really pleased with the way things have come together so far. I think the story will certainly pick up once the MC’s and Asher’s dynamic - whether antagonistic or helpful - is introduced. It’s certainly one of my favorite aspects to write.

I’m so excited to hear that you’ve enjoyed it so much and I look forward to updating!

4 Likes

#73

Ya, I can not wait to meet Asher! It seems like it might be rather complicated, especially as the way I have been playing my MC he is a bit undecided on the wards. On one hand he is kinda disgusted by what the ancestors did, on the other hand he has a duty to his community now.

0 Likes

#74

I’m glad there’s options to not tell the ROs anything, because my guys duty is to the community first and he understands his ancestors did what they had to do and don’t fault them for it. Hope there’s options to deal with Asher and the ROs from messing around in town.

Also was wondering if you could add more apathetic/neutral options and responses to people especially the ROs because I don’t trust them. Feel like most of the responses are leaning towards happy and excited.

5 Likes

#75

@Jeeshadow1

Totally understandable!

One thing I’ve tried to keep in mind in regards to the characters, or most of them at least, is that they have their own motivations and feelings that could absolutely be at odds with the MC. Sometimes those opinions are just not going to be compatible. (That’s not to say you need to be a murderous occultist to get along with Asher). I just didn’t want to present characters whose major whims were changing to suit the MC.

Asher certainly has opinions. He loves his opinions.

4 Likes

#76

@No_This_Is_Patrick

You can definitely keep up that front. You can be downright ornery about it in some cases. You don’t have to have a ‘friendly’ relationship with the ROs - who don’t have to be ROs at all - and could very well end up making enemies of some of them. Or, you can have a very casual interest in them.

I was debating on including more options where the MC can choose to rely on the townspeople, i.e. the mayor, Eleanor, Annabelle, etc. So if that’s something people would like to see, I can make those adjustments as needed. That way you can protect the town as a town.

But yes, definitely to your suggestion. Particularly when you start having more interactions with the ROs. I can tailor some responses that shut them and their attempts to snoop down, sure thing.

7 Likes

#77

This definitely seems like an interesting idea! While I feel like my MC may end up at odds with the Mayor, turning to Faye or Eleanor (maybe even Annabelle, I have not really gotten a read on her marriage with the Mayor) would be rather nice, with Eleanor basically being our mother and Faye possibly our only friend right now!

4 Likes

#78

Ok, this is my first time on the CoG forum but I absolutely love the way you write and the premise of the game! And of course I needed you to know that. We just got a glimpse of the characters but they already seem so interesting and I’m so intrigued by them (um, Talbot anyone?) and just, wow. Can’t wait to see where this story is headed.

0 Likes

#79

@alexiaissus

Consider me flattered! I also hadn’t spent much time on these forums until committing to writing this game.

I’m glad you’re intrigued by Talbot - who is totally shady. I’m anticipating Talbot being one of the more polarizing figures in the story; I think a person will either love Talbot or…not. Like, really not. He/She certainly isn’t concerned about making friends with the MC.

Thank you for reading! I’m looking forward to the next update so that people can get a better look at the new trio!

4 Likes

#80

and there goes…their redemption…down the drain…:sweat_smile:

0 Likes

#81

@E_RedMark

Haha! :joy: Talbot 100% does not know why they were invited to this party. As a matter of fact, Talbot believes that it’s his/her party and all the other humans are just crashing it. MC included.

3 Likes