The Oval Office : New Update! (Half of Chapter 3) July 31st, 2018

young-adult-fiction
gender-choice
romance

#1119

Well I haven’t played the update yet(damn you none existent sleep pattern) but you’re in a good position to reach that goal. You have a unique writing style that is really fun to read :slight_smile: .


#1120

I enjoy the game but I’d rather wait for a full chapter 3 to be out before going through it. Actually was the drone interview chapter 2? If so this must be a sixty chapter game.


#1121

Something like that :rofl::rofl::rofl: later chapters will definitely be longer than the ones I put out so far. Once I have more time to update and write, one chapter would be the length of chapters 1, 2 and maybe even 3. I’m probably going to put out around 15 of the bigger chapters before I beta test for the later chapters and submit.


#1122

My gosh. Thank you so much, nice to hear that every once in a while :blush::hugs:


#1123

While it is probably for the better that the game isn’t taking itself too seriously, in its current state I’m uncertain about the game because of how whacky it is. Political settings can be humorous – Yes, Minister, The Thick of It and The Death of Stalin show that (though admittedly the theme there is “everyone trying to take themselves seriously while being inept in a complete clusterf**k”) – but there’s something about the tone that’s somewhat off-putting. Simply put, I think it’s the exuberance of the writing style and the choices. For instance, the comments on selecting country choices at the end don’t really seem to add anything. It seems to be attempting to play stereotypes for humour, but that doesn’t really seem to work.

While it is interesting to contrast the “public” and “private” personas of the PC, the latter opportunities only seem to allow the PC to either throw away any restraint with abandon or to remain (and seemingly be judged by the game and everyone) to be a dispassionate iceman.

To add to that, there are some characters that seem to be “random” for the sake of it, like Air Force One’s pilot, and don’t really seem to add anything but pad it out. Similarly, the COG mentions were far too self-referential and went on for far too long in my opinion.

There are some bits that left a better impression in my first playthrough, such as the reaction to the airstrikes and the interview with Jill itself. While I wasn’t fond of how hard the game appeared to be pushing romances on people you’ve just met, I actually liked the scenes with the VP, though I would have preferred it (and most of the romances) to have gone slower.

It’s early days, but I feel you missed an opportunity for background to come in with the “security assessment” with the nerf guns and a military-background PC. Similarly, the generals could make a few extra, approving comments for a military-background PC, and the VP/Speaker/anyone in Congress make comments about political-background PCs. That being said, I can’t see how the PC could have become a 4-star general. Even making it to colonel would be a feat and be a higher rank than most of the 20th century presidents, and those that did served in WWI or WWII.

There were a couple of typos here and there, as well as grammar issues and wrong names/words popping up, but I don’t think that’s quite as important at this stage as setting the tone. It’s the author’s purview to write the story however they like, but currently I feel it lacks consistency in tone. Sometimes it appears to be taking itself relatively seriously, then there’s a massive curveball into something that clearly isn’t. Of course it’s fine for the tone to change throughout (Yes, PM’s scene on Trident is a brilliant example of this), but so far it seems like it doesn’t quite know what it’s trying to be.

Interested to see how this goes.


#1124

@dungeon_master

“Brian,” you begin. "I know the odds are severely against us… but-” his eyes begin to widen. Too late. You snatch the gun out of her belt.

Brian is male.

“Tell Penny Henson to come along. I could need their expertise and help.”

Her

Call Jack and ask them to come on this trip. I need publicity for this thing.”

Him

Mr. President, it is customary to bring your Penny

Remove the bolded word.

Yeah,” you smiled appreciatively. “Thanks.”

Smile

(for all 3)

Remove this line.


#1125

@Spyder i would like to suggest for a better page flipping this instant flash is just weird.
PS: pls dont make advertisement for COC pls…:joy::joy::joy::joy:


#1126

In all honesty, this game is meant to be satirical and humorous in nature. Towards later chapters, I assure you it will become more serious, but for now, I choose to make it more entertaining, than just reading a book. But that’s just my opinion!

Can you elaborate a bit more? What scenes gave you this feeling?

Well, once again, there definitely will be more characters like him. They flavor the story, but he’s not a main character. If it seems too goofy to you, then I will try to tone it down a little.

As far as the COG references go, it will not be included in the final book. Its more of an inside joke between me and some other writers on this site… it involves something that happened wayyy last year :smile::smile::smile:

This is actually something others have said. This game as I have said in the past is sort of an extension of myself and my personality. I’m a hopeless romantic and I do push the romance, however, this game is actually partially based on it, as it will be heavily RO influenced. With that being said, I will probably re-write the first chapter as I understand it has been called “clunky” and “rushed” in nature. Sorry for moving so quickly!

A pretty good idea. I will try to implement that in later chapters, and maybe even re-write that particular scene sooner than later. Adds to the whole immersion ya know?

This is a labored point, one that I will fix ASAP. The prologue is, just honestly a mess, (even by my own standards) so I will fix the character building questions and the intricacies that involve each separate background.

any typos or bugs, make sure to “@” @DUNGEON_MASTER, my friend and editor. He takes care of all issues of that kind.

I don’t believe there are “massive curveballs”, although you are certainly entitled to your own opinion. Can you elaborate further on what you mean? As stated before, this game is rooted in humor, not necessarily the mind-numbing details and processes of politics. There will be those “mind-numbing” moments, however it will be few and far inbetween. This book is more on personal life and the struggles of being someone as powerful as the President Of America. There will be the more political events in this book, but overall its the YOU behind the character, not the President.

??? What do you mean ???

Thanks for checking it out! @Thfphen110 I hope to change your mind on this game :grin::grin:


#1127

Tone shift example

I’m the wacky drunk nudist president fuckin around and singing lean on me.

Also innocent civilians killed in a drone strike.


#1128

Thanks for the reply! I admit I was a bit critical, apologies if I came across a bit brusquely.

Regarding responses to other characters, there generally seem to be three: the quite familiar (usually the first option: hugs, high-fives, flirting), the quite cordial (usually the second option: handshakes predominantly) and being a bit of an ass (the third option: sighing, being rude etc). I think the point I’m trying to make is that there’s no middle ground between trying to be a friendly PC and being a dickish PC. Additionally, the above three responses aren’t always constant.

After the player is informed (via social media, instead of by their Chief of Staff or someone?) of the drone strike, the responses to getting ready for the interview are a high five, a hug and sighing in relief. There’s not always an option to be “professional” or just withdrawn, which here especially makes sense from a role-playing purpose since the PC’s presidency has visibly had an effect on people.

The main thing I was addressing was the tone shift with the drone strike. The player gets the option to flirt/be cordial/be cold beforehand, that’s fine, they don’t know what’s going to happen. Then there’s the punch of the strike. The odd bit is that after being informed of that, the PC has the choice to do high fives and stuff. Unless the PC is military, this is probably the first time they have ever been responsible for somebody’s death, and what’s more, the first act of their presidency is a drone strike with civilian casualties. Though their predecessor probably called in the strike, it’s significant. Even for a completely sociopathic PC, they’d still be concerned about their poll ratings as a consequence of the strike.

It is also somewhat odd that it only gets brought up mid-interview. I don’t think it’s established whether the interview was live or not - if it wasn’t I imagine it would be unusual if they wouldn’t prefer to wait for a press statement first. It just seems a little rushed as well: you can flirt with the reporter after discussing drone-striking a school, which just seems rather ill-timed. The majority of the stuff leading up to it is not too serious, there’s a serious bit, then it’s back to not being serious, and the drone strike gets quickly forgotten about.

That in turn also leads to a bit of a perception on my end of the romances being pushed a bit too much. Part of the reason I probably like the VP scenes more is that the affectionate options aren’t being done in the open with people whom the PC isn’t necessarily familiar with (the reporter’s a stranger, the Veep probably isn’t but you’re not necessarily close, your security may or may not have been with you for a while), and because it does seem the slowest since the most interaction thus far has been mild flirting.

(Yes, PM’s scene on Trident is a brilliant example of this)
??? What do you mean ???

There’s a scene in the British political comedy series Yes, Prime Minister, where they discuss the nuclear deterrent. It starts off sober, then becomes humorous as the ineptitude of government is discussed (“the warheads don’t fit the end of the rockets”). Then, at its high point, it suddenly becomes sober: “if there’s a nuclear war, Prime Minister, it won’t last long enough for.the weapons to be tested”. The example was more along the lines of how it more smoothly segues between reality and humour and sober reality, and how both the absurdity and the seriousness of governance is brought across.

Good luck with the project!


@DUNGEON_MASTER
Some bugs:
In chap1.txt, in the label vpblushes, the VP-specific text only shows up for Omari as the check *if ( vpfirst = “”) has a space for the other VPs i.e.

*if ( vpfirst = “Omari”)
*if ( vpfirst = " George" )
*if ( vpfirst = " Rosie" )
*if ( vpfirst = " Penny" )

so only Omari’s text shows up.


Reporter’s surname is Sallow in the first few scenes, later changes to Baker?


The only survivors were a dozen girls who happened to be out to market to buy lunch, and two teachers who took a break.

out at the market to buy lunch ?


Chap2.txt

You resume your walk into the Capitol before you go on your “World Tour.”

probably should be “World Tour”. I think


#1129

This project appears to be more of a humorous comedy version of a political game but as to make it a political game it needs to be a bit professional and that i kinda like about it. i cools me down before the political side of me boils over. i already have to nearly let my self boil over my more serious political Wip The New Order. (just going to put a shameless plug in here Sorry about that @Spyder though i do what to thank you for liking that post and ask you how it was since this inspired me to do it, but please do that on the New Order Thread)


#1130

I absolutely love this game! I can’t wait for when it’s done.


#1131

Given the fact that the story allows the protagonist to be a independent or from a minor political party would it be plausible to add one last one the “constitution party”? :thinking:


#1132

@Bugreporter

Thank you pal, you truly live up to your username. :yum:

Okay that is some really good stuff, you have a great eye my friend. Keep up the good work. :+1:

PS : The typos and bug are taken care of :grin:


#1133

In the breakfast scene.

Your kid nod in agreement.

Nods

Bug, with a daughter, in the breakfast scene.

“S, you won’t believe it!” she says.

The cause of this bug is this line of code:

“$!{cs}, you won’t believe it!” she says.

The code needs to be changed to:

"$!{cc}, you won’t believe it!” she says.

You shake her hand. “A real pleasure Miss Baker. Thank you for interviewing me .”

Remove the space between the bolded word and full stop.


#1134

You did it again. Thanks.

PS : They are also corrected. :+1:


#1135

Even though I selected to be a woman, I am still referred to as a male multiple times during the breakfast scence.


#1136

Hey. This is very unfortunate. Make sure to “@” @DUNGEON_MASTER for any errors or bugs, okay?


#1137

I tried being the president from Hawaii and well I was the first so I think that might be an error


#1138

Finally read the update and it’s pretty freaking great. There are some things I think that you could improve upon from a discussion with a friend of mine that is currently undergoing job training for the Presidential Protection Detachment of the USMC. For example while the public calls the nuclear launch codes “the button” most if not all staff security or otherwise call it the Nuclear Football and that term is pretty enforced so that there’s no confusion.
Also security for the president isn’t just the secret service, while visiting around the country it is, in the White House it’s shared by the Marines and in some rooms only marines are present. Also if the Chief is at Camp David or out of country most of the detail are marines.