Just wait till we get to the first few battles…
(Gosh I can’t wait to release those)
Just wait till we get to the first few battles…
I like the setup and the potential options you have (I’m always a fan of peacekeeping soldier characters). It seems like it’ll be a fun setup-- looking forward to the rest.
One suggestion: I’d move the gender select a little earlier, if only because someone refers to me as “sir” and I couldn’t figure out if I was in a genderlocked male role.
Typos and things:
Two of the “Next Page” buttons for the opening backstory have
*page_break*page_break*page_break printed on them instead of text (I’m assuming a spacing problem.
When talking to the governor your choices have “im” instead of “I’m”. There are also a number of capitalization mismatches in the choices of this scene. You’ve also got a number of lowercase "i"s that should be capitalized.
The appearance section I got the sentence:
"Looking down from your Black unkept Hair you settle on your eyes."
Unkept should be “unkempt”. And neither black nor hair should be capitalized.
I’ll fix the “Sir” thing, I actually used to have the gender choice early but I was never happy with it.
Glad you are enjoying it so far.
here i am with some report :
maybe this is just me being nitpicky… i think you overused the “though” and that make the sentences sounds awkward. how about removing one of them like this : “For now you have a regular robotic replacement though.
Though the enhanced strength from it could be considered a big upside, though it still sometimes lags behind your other motions.”
again, this is me being annoying… how about deleting the latter, so it will be something like this : 'thinking about it brings
with it several emotions bla bla bla…"
sound a bit weird there… how about something like this : “He says (comma)
he his smile widening as he pours you a drink. bla bla bla…”
should it be “an” before exit strategy ? cmiiw, im not really sure, my grammar kinda sucks sometimes
and i noticed that my MC had no interaction with the other guard (Jacob) yet…eventhough we are supposed to be in the same room, did he avoid the MC ?!
Nitpicky is always welcomed!
I was planning on having interaction with Jacob in greater detail A little later. Do you think it would be to the benefit of the story to add it sooner?
dont take my words too serious, coz you are the writer , this is just me… i just feel a bit off when it supposed to be 3 people in the room including mc, but only one of them that try to talk with MC… and there is no mention about any interaction between mc with jacob (example : nod a head when jacob rejoin them as a sign of greeting and acknowledgment. or maybe adding a scene where mc ask how did it go with the pilot just to teased him. even without Meaningful conversation… that little interaction will make the character feels alive…
oh, that remind me… there is a wall of text in some page/scene… you need to break it up into some paragraf so it will not make the reader/player feels uncomfortable
Putting a delay on the next update, work is getting in the way plus I have family who made a suprise visit… Yay…
So Incoming update very soon, this will be part one of our upcoming battle with the Rebel forces, part one will be preparation, more character interaction and some more background for our mc. Part two will be the actual battle. Hopefully both parts can be out within the next week or so.
(Additionally I’m making the typo fixes and adding two scenes towards the beginning.)
Do you think we could have maybe heavy weapons like a minigun it would go bad ass with the heavy armour.
I might get a small pre Battle update out tonight or at latest friday. working on it right now but i have even more family in town. I just wish they would go away! XD
Well family is gone finally so im happily returning to working on the story at every available moment! Currently working on a nice little flashback scene plus the pre battle update i talked about trying to get out last week.
Tonight or tomorrow night will be a smallish update before the big one. Mostly it is to gauge how you guys think I’m handling these 2-4 different sequences and if you feel
A. That they can be improved and how.
B. If they should even be there.
C. What the heck are you doing author?
D. (Which is what in hoping) interested to see where it goes.
Im adding my own complaint as i update this, i think i should add more details on those final scenes before you choose an attack plan. Oh well, i hope you all enjoy the update.
So I’m super excited for the next update after this smaller one, for those who went more diplomatic or reserved route we will finish up the battles and get some more get to know these character moments outside of combat.
For those with more aggressive choices and or other routes we will be getting to some very cool scenes also.
Now that i think about it you are gonna get your scene in the next update, since I figured a way to make it fit, AND we get more interactions with Liana and Jacob on top of that.
Yay interaction lol
I’m playing the assasin path rn! Noticed several error: even though I choose female as PC’s gender, Liana still regards her as ‘sir’. I got error scene 1 line 376: increasing indent not allowed, expected 0 was 1 if I choose female gender for the rebel, and rebel’s gender was the opposite of whatever I choose.
Also I noticed several typos:
[details=Summary]Flipping to the third page you see the picture of the Governor. “Alexi Gurbochev” And you could combine it to Flipping to the third page you see the picture of the Governor, Alexi Gurbochev.
You look over his file, noticing how he has been very busy these past few years.
He governs planet C-87, or New Balkans, covered in Temperate forests (fullstop, separate the sentence) the planet has become a fuel source for most of the Imperial Fleets operating in this corner of the sector.
Being in charge of keeping this planet in line has made him quite (remove the comma) rich
Frowning , you look over the paper . T he rebels have done a good job keeping The Hawk’s identity secret.
However, there are ways you can obtain that information once you are on the planetside.
It truly is made for waging war, focusing on Firepowerand Durability.[/details]
I’m looking forward for this game!
The Sir dislogue is still there!? Noooo I must of goofed up it should of been fixed like 2 updates ago…
Assassin? Oh you get some fun fights in the future ;3
Are you playing more peaceful or kill everything or a mix of the two? (I’ll fix the error and any typos you can point out when I get home from work today. Around 4 pm eastern time.)
Good two step plan lol