The Onryō of Osaka. [WIP] (Act Two fully released 31/1/2024. 136k Words.) [Supernatural Vigilante | Japanese Mythology]

Miti-chan was just a one off. We will not be seeing her again. But this doesn’t mean that she will be the only animal you will be able to pet.
(Hint: Kit’s RO path will involve a lot of pets.)

@DrewWolf2
I see what you mean. Adding a choice or two to the death scene will only be a positive - no one will complain.
So I shall work on that in the future.

Ah, a fellow connoisseur. (ノ´∀`*)

In all honesty, it’s likely not so much that it is a kitsune character, I believe readers are just interested in romancing non-humans in general.

Good luck with your own story! I shall have a look at it in the future if I get time.
♪(o・ω・)ノ))

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It’s that Xenophilia baby. lol

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Honestly, it is the exact opposite for me; I don’t like romancing non-human characters, but I can make an exception for Kit xd

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Hiyaaa everyone!!!

I’m pleased to be able to show two pieces of art I commissioned from the extremely talented @Curious_Boy.

Kaito Busujima:

Midori Yasukawa:

I hope you all like them as much as I love them! And by that, I of course mean that you have fallen in love with Midori’s outfit, changed her arc because you love it so much, and considered getting it irl, and uhhhhhhh… moving on

Finally, I’d like to just provide a quick update on the next update. (hmm, an update update?) The groundwork for the rewind section for act 2 has been constructed, and each area is working as intended. Next, I am going to add the variations depending on past rewinds. If all goes well, and fate doesn’t kick my butt, I am hoping it will be out by the end of the month. As a bonus, I am also working on a short side story, exploring Watanabe’s past, which I am hoping to show you all by tomorrow.

That’s all, Have a great day! :heart:

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uh-oh… hello everyone, im kinda a lurker here… hopefully you guys like my art eheheheh…
also keep looking forward to meet Midori in the game yesh!!

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Shy artist, very cute :smirk:

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You should take pride in such beautiful art! It’s nice to see people put themselves out there! You rock! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: :partying_face:

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Hiya again guys!!!

I am happy to be able to announce that I have completed my first side story. Which explores the past of Wataru Watanabe. I actually really enjoyed making this, and so I would love to make more in the future. Anyway, the link will be posted in the topic post, but here’s a link here as well :3
I have already been to heaven. - Watanabe side story

It’s very short, only 2.5k words, but I’m proud of it nonetheless. If you are a fan of Makoto, at least, you might want to read this, hint hint. :heart:

Have a great day! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Great art, be proud of what you can do!

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Great game you got here. I’m really enjoying the sory and characters so far. Also, Akari is awesome. Can’t wait to have her crush my head with her thighs… I mean, finally beat her!

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:face_with_raised_eyebrow: :camera_flash:

Anyway, I’m glad you enjoyed! Have a great day!

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:face_with_raised_eyebrow: :camera_flash:

Alright! I should be sleeping or resting rn cause of sick but fukit, I’ve been wanting to read da update for a while and speak my thoughts on the over all book so let’s go! (You’re looking at someone who hasn’t slept for 2 days and has been running on soup fumes, anything and everything I say should be taken with a grain of salt.)

Summary

image
This might be 4 am humor but I’m laughing my ass off lmao


The Onryō tale in the beginning was chilling, but so are almost all Japanese folk lore (I know a few since that’s how my mum got me to sleep if the slippers didn’t work) The whole thing was a great way to set the tone.

“You were extremely strong, having devoted much of your younger years to martial arts.”

Aren’t martial artists more dexterous and agile? People who lift are stronger, but martial artists usually work more with “using the minimum force for maximum damage.” again, it might be me.


This might be me but I read “The closest blue carriage to the Osaka-facing engine.” And I went “What? But there is no blue color in the image?” Then turned off the night light since my phone gives of candle light color, then (because I’m running on a ragged hamster of a braincell) I looked up if the color green is blue in Japan. (spoilers, it isn’t lmao) While I may be Japanese from my mum’s side, I barely know Japanese (other then the names she calls me so I know when she’s complimenting me and scolding me lmao), It may be convenient to maybe translate those words but again, up to you.

“The N700S Enu nanahyakuesu-kei model Shinkansen”
Best way to sponsor a product, even if that product is a train.

I love kage already. They give me choomer vibes.


I relate to this to a spiritual level

The fact that Kage approves of head pats is a big green for me. Also damn right I got my priorities straight, I petted the dog like 10 times XD

Again, this might be my perspective but the fight scene leaves… a little to be desired. If this were two people, one of them would be stunned so you could quickly deal with him too, which would give a plausible explanation, and unless the MC is a speedster, he shouldn’t be able to knock them all out that fast. There is a slight struggle, with the headlock but still. As for the scream, is this because of the “I fight no enemy surprised because it is not an honorable thing to do,” Or did the MC just go gorilla mood just because he could yell?

Okay, gonna pause here since everything’s going dizzy, will take some rest and pick it up later. Expect more of my comments! Loving it so far| <3

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I am also getting dizzy, late night gang lol. So I’m gonna just claim this comment spot for the future reply.

Glad you’re your enjoying so far! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Edit:
@Silly_Cat_69 Okay, so going to reply to what you’ve got so far, and will edit if you add more,

Summory

This probably stems from my first shakeup of stats a few months ago. Guns, became Aim. Blades, became Dexterity. And unarmed, became Strength. Thank you for pointing this out, I’ll have to reword that section.

For the train diagram, I actually meant the colours of the Kanji themselves. The carriages in the middle are green, because the Kanji is coloured green, for example. But, to be honest, the diagram is due a redo. I literally threw that thing together in like 5 minutes in photoshop.

I am definitely not sponsored by JR Central. :smirk:

Ok, lemme just put this out here. Fighting scenes, are not my strength. I am a dialouge and scenario writer at heart, so it took a lot of work to get the fight scenes better than say, “You punch him. He says “ow”, and falls unconsious. You do a victory dance.” In fact, I copied what I had written, and asked ChatGPT if it was good, and it literally went


But yeah, I should probably make the fight scenes better.

Again, thank you for your highly in-depth feedback! Glad you’re enjoying! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Personally I enjoyed the fight scenes that being said if you struggle with them try to observe tv shows or movies with fight scenes maybe take a few notes and try to blend it with your own style of writing. Personally I’m not an author but if I was to learn I would utilize visuals example to help give inspiration. :+1:

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That actually seems like a really good idea!

Time to go to the cinema with a notepad, and get weird stares.

Thank you :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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You’re very welcome I enjoyed reading your WIP a lot so I wish you luck on writing it!

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Some people enjoy that kind of attention. :wink:

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While this may be of help, I’d suggest reading a tonne. I’ve taken writing classes, and also looked up how to write etc, and nothing, and I mean NOTHING helps more then reading. If you want, Brandon Senderson’s stormlight archive is choke full of fighting scenes and is quite an amazing read.

Haha, it’s the least I can do, I know for a fact how valuable a feedback is. Plus I like foxes myself :smile:

Now back to feed backs! Sorry if I sound obnoxious btw >.<

Feedback from a dummy


Okay, so this might be a bit… emotion lacking I think. Again, it might just be me but I don’t think any one would go “Damn, I’m missing an eye and in it’s place, there’s something that glows. Plus I’m in an edo period where everything is dark. OH LOOK! NOW THAT’S AN ODD SIGHT! AN IMPERIAL CASTLE ON A HILL!”

"Of course…" She continues, "Most mortals die in peace, and re-enter the cycle of life once more. However, if a mortal soul dies in certain conditions, their light becomes darkness, and they will arrive here, in Yomi. To put it simply, the fact that you are here, means your soul has been stained."

This line sent goosebumps down my body. “Their light becomes darkness.” Just. WOW

"Huh? Wait, no. What? You're dead! There's no way you can possibly be alive! I mean, yes, I'm relieved you're alive, but Kaito stabbed you in the eye! It went deep enough that you should've died when you're brain was pierced! That's it, I'm going to bed!" Kage rambles, clearly in a panic.

Wait, how does Kage know we were stabbed through the eye? Is he looking through the telescope or has a secret camera on the train?

Us: Saves the train driver:
Train driver: THANKU SO MACH!
Us: Stop the train. There are Yakuza members here which can kill 4 people and a girl that’s scared!
Train driver:

Also there’s a bug where we just killed a yakuza member inside the train room, and then we come outside, and yell “Yo! I’m a yakuza member!” And he pops right out as if he himself is an Onryo XD

Damn, I died because of that bug :frowning:

"Will guide you along the carrot path"
2 am humor making me wheeze like a deflating balloon

So, I made the mistake of searching up “Tanuki” cause the first thing google showed me was a furry raccoon with massive nuts.

“Nothing changed” You say, not feeling any different.
Missing a dot. (I dunno what it’s called cause honestly? Grammar isn’t a very good for me… Help, my english is failing me;-; )

I got a :sparkles: F O X - P L U S H I E :sparkles:

The shot glass should also have that “Well, it lays there empty.”

Aight so Imma pause here cause I just got news that we got our semester classes enrolling and all that shtic, gonna have to look through em, will continue later! Prolly tomorrow or after tomorrow if I get the time.

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True, but fight scenes have always been a weakness of mine, and I read a lot. One of my favourite authors is Jay Kristoff, and he writes really good fight scenes. Still, I guess repetition is key.

Marry me rn.

Right, this section. I was actually going for holding back the floodgates till you meet Izanami-No-Mikoto. But now I’m thinking on it, yeah the emotions are lacking. I know it’s highly obvious, but I wanted to delay the “you’re dead” until those words could come straight from the mouth of She-Who-Invites.

:smiling_face_with_three_hearts: It’s taken many rewrites to get Izanami-No-Mikoto’s manner of speech where I wanted it. These words make me happy.

All Trains operating in Japan have CCTV. Kage has hacked into them, and is watching you veeeery closely.

Heh. While I do play this off for laughs, they really are this serious about train laws in Japan. If the train was even one minute off schedule, the driver would get the bollocking of a lifetime.

Darn, just when I thought I had eradicated all the bugs on the train. *Fetches the pesticide.

Also, thank you for all the grammar catches. I know you aren’t a native speaker, so the fact that you caught things that I, a native speaker, didn’t, just shows how well you can in fact speak it.

Thank you once again! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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While Fox’s are great and I love Kitsunes. I’ve always been more of a wolf lady. Even got art of myself as a half wolf lady.

Probably my single favorite thing Ive done in the last few years. I should get more art of my Kitsune lady from my setting I’m working on. I just have concept art for her ATM.

Need more love interests that are yokai related.

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