While this may be of help, I’d suggest reading a tonne. I’ve taken writing classes, and also looked up how to write etc, and nothing, and I mean NOTHING helps more then reading. If you want, Brandon Senderson’s stormlight archive is choke full of fighting scenes and is quite an amazing read.
Haha, it’s the least I can do, I know for a fact how valuable a feedback is. Plus I like foxes myself
Now back to feed backs! Sorry if I sound obnoxious btw >.<
Feedback from a dummy
Okay, so this might be a bit… emotion lacking I think. Again, it might just be me but I don’t think any one would go “Damn, I’m missing an eye and in it’s place, there’s something that glows. Plus I’m in an edo period where everything is dark. OH LOOK! NOW THAT’S AN ODD SIGHT! AN IMPERIAL CASTLE ON A HILL!”
"Of course…" She continues, "Most mortals die in peace, and re-enter the cycle of life once more. However, if a mortal soul dies in certain conditions, their light becomes darkness, and they will arrive here, in Yomi. To put it simply, the fact that you are here, means your soul has been stained."
This line sent goosebumps down my body. “Their light becomes darkness.” Just. WOW
"Huh? Wait, no. What? You're dead! There's no way you can possibly be alive! I mean, yes, I'm relieved you're alive, but Kaito stabbed you in the eye! It went deep enough that you should've died when you're brain was pierced! That's it, I'm going to bed!" Kage rambles, clearly in a panic.
Wait, how does Kage know we were stabbed through the eye? Is he looking through the telescope or has a secret camera on the train?
Us: Saves the train driver:
Train driver: THANKU SO MACH!
Us: Stop the train. There are Yakuza members here which can kill 4 people and a girl that’s scared!
Also there’s a bug where we just killed a yakuza member inside the train room, and then we come outside, and yell “Yo! I’m a yakuza member!” And he pops right out as if he himself is an Onryo XD
Damn, I died because of that bug
"Will guide you along the carrot path"
2 am humor making me wheeze like a deflating balloon
So, I made the mistake of searching up “Tanuki” cause the first thing google showed me was a furry raccoon with massive nuts.
“Nothing changed” You say, not feeling any different.
Missing a dot. (I dunno what it’s called cause honestly? Grammar isn’t a very good for me… Help, my english is failing me;-; )
I got a F O X - P L U S H I E
The shot glass should also have that “Well, it lays there empty.”
Aight so Imma pause here cause I just got news that we got our semester classes enrolling and all that shtic, gonna have to look through em, will continue later! Prolly tomorrow or after tomorrow if I get the time.