I’m not usually a fan of the “this unremarkable person turns out to the the Chosen One foretold by a prophecy” trope. It’s usually a cheap way do have the character who is unremarkable be special and victorious against something greater than themselves. And a the end, it feels empty because the Chosen One didn’t earn it, it was all destiny.
But I have a good idea of what’s under that spoiler (I read the first spoiled comment before reading the “There’s just one problem” summary). I’m intrigued on how you’re going to handle it.
My one issue (and I know it’s a small thing but it’s been bugging me) is Mr. Birton.
I completely that he’s supposed to come off as a monster and it was working for me right up until the part with the dog and then with the social worker. The MC gets punished if they don’t allow the dog to bite them and it’s implied that the dog bites them quite frequently. This raised so many questions:
Does Mr. Birton treat the wounds? Dog bites tear flesh, so does the MC get stitches? Are the wounds being cleaned so they don’t get infected? This seems strange for a sociopath like Mr. Birton. If he doesn’t treat the wounds, then the MC would be very sick and probably dying from the (I presume) dozens of nasty dog bites.
And then there’s the social worker’s visit. Why was the social worker there? Did someone call them in or is it a regular check-up for foster children? The social worker scolded the MC for not being grateful enough to Mr. Birton. This implied the MC complained about their treatment. What exactly did the MC report to the social worker? Why did the social worker dismiss it? Most social workers take the job because the genuinely want to help people, they certainly don’t get paid very much. Did they not notice the dog bites? Was the dog aggressive during the visit? Did Mr. Birton bribe them?
Depending on what breed of dog the bites probably didn’t go deep, but as for the social, we were told that Mr Birton was known for taking in troubled children, so the social worker most likely thought we were lying and Mr. Birton could reinforce it and for any wounds we’d get could we could be covering them with our clothing. Although I’m just speculating.
But it would be such a simple thing to show them the wounds: “Hey I’m being abused and here’s proof”.
It’s possible the MC is covering for Birton, but it should be shown in the story if that’s the case. I’m also very curious what the MC complained to the social worker about.
Then we may just have gotten a dirty social worker, or maybe since the mc is classed as “troubled” they may be told it is from self harm. Certainly biting oneself is nowhere near as common as cutting, but neither is it unheard of, unfortunately.
And, yes, those dog bites certainly wouldn’t have done any favours for the mc’s health and may have signed our death warrant anyway if we’re now infected with one of the more rare strains of rabies that incubates in years or even decades, as opposed to months.
Which is why my mc is planning to kill that mutt eventually.
Just so everyone knows, I’ve been taking @ParrotWatcher on a whirlwind tour of the history of British school uniforms, so this might have some interesting results.
Unless the young teenager wishes to, of course Oh, well, I really don’t favor school uniforms in real life.
Flawed system, maybe? Or the social worker just took it as “dog is still being trained”? Or even claimed it was a different animal? I don’t think there’s any reason to think this was a competent social worker
BIRDIEEEE Do you give me permission To bothering you with my dramatic feedback? Now you are a serious writer and all that
Just as start Karakan is also in Spanish CARA CAN = Dog Face… Yeah… I haven’t read the game but lol Why It can’t be a Doggy? Like a Person with a Rottweiler head? I mean with name Dog face maybe a curse or something
I think that’s probably the direction I’ll take. Now I just have to work out what accessories to use…
Blazer (or jacket/coat, depending on what style I go for) is optional. Tie is not.
I’m going to say probably not. Not because it’s not realistic (it sadly is) but because I don’t really want to include it…
I mean, you can certainly headcanon it if you want to.
Okay, I’m going to say that the dog bites never broke the skin, or made scars. They’re enough to hurt, without causing noticeable damage or leading to chances of infection.
Regarding the social worker: I would say that they’re not being bribed; they’re just very predisposed to see the MC as the problem and Birton as the solution. I would certainly agree that the majority of social workers would be trying to help people, but the MC had the misfortune to be assigned a more careless person. (And the dog would have been locked away during the visit.)
Just going to make this canon: the MC has rabies, and the rest of the story is an illness-induced hallucination. (I don’t know if rabies can cause hallucinations, but I’ll say that this variety does.)
He knows more about them than the guy who wore one for ~14 years…
You do realize young teenagers are going to get the damned thing stuck somewhere sooner or later, particularly if they don’t clip it. A tie is going to be a real health hazard, while the worst I’ve actually seen happen at the firm is young interns getting it stuck in the copier because they didn’t think to clip it the firm does not have candles or bunsen burners (I actually heard, though not witnessed it myself how one of the interns managed to get his on fire in some restaurant that had open candle flames).
Again these are guys in their early 20’s I’m talking about, not young teenagers who are going to be, much, much worse. To the point where I wonder how many deaths school ties are responsible for, as I know of at least one case where they were used in a stupid teenage “choking game”.
Expect my mc to violate the mandatory tie rule a lot, maybe he can wear it as a belt, if the dress code didn’t think to specify where on the body it should be worn. Gotta find the loopholes in stuffy old rules after all…
The blazer, as long as it isn’t an Etonian tailcoat shouldn’t be a health hazard, just a tacky look that does most young guys no favours.
So, like Eton then, that would be bad, because there’s no way my can afford to compete on the accessories front if he’s going to be forced to to school with filthy rich kids…which means it’ll probably be worse than university in keepers on that account, as young teens are also more vicious in bullying each-other over those sorta things.
Aww…I wanted to see the ro’s reaction to my mc’s smoking vice and maybe get in trouble for it at the new school. As I said I don’t think booze holds any particular attraction to this mc, as he prefers to be clear headed most the time, but smoking on the other hand helps with that and it does reduce stress. We know that in exchange for those stress-relieving effects it shaves years off the top of your life expectancy, but really with the kind of life this mc has led up until now that’s not reason enough to sway him, even if he is keenly aware of it by now, if only due to gruesome warnings on the packaging.
Plus having one or more lighters on you can possibly be helpful since the mc cannot do real magic (but can certainly learn to do some magician-esque pyrotechnics using said lighters) .
Lastly it is a somewhat compelling reason as to why the mc was accused of the house fire that social services might be inclined to believe.
I’ll certainly do that, but maybe have the mc be able to mention or people be able to find out should there be sections that reference the possible vices of the mc? As the primary one of mine would certainly be smoking, instead of some typical teenager bullshit, like sneaking out past curfew or once having sneaked the last sip from a wine glass when you were supposed to do the dishes.
Since kids like this mc are many ways forced to grow up really fast it is (unfortunately) only natural they engage in some of the more adult vices as well.
It can trigger hallucinations in some along with the fear of water in the susceptible and it can always trigger the famed fever dreams once it wreaks enough havoc, like almost any serious illness can.
At least that’s what the journal article says.
Anyway repeated dog bites can trigger many other illnesses, some even chronic other than rabies and the mc certainly wasn’t vaccinated or treated for any of them. Rabies just generally tends to cause the nastiest death of any of them, but the other ones, particularly the ones that may give rise to chronic conditions ain’t exactly pleasant either.
So I think my mc is fully justified in wanting to do the job animal control should have done in putting the damned mutt down.
Maybe he’ll even let an animal control worker do it under compulsion if that’s possible with ritual magic or incantations, instead of innate magic in this setting.
Yes, TSSL is weird that way.
That’s certainly one plausible explanation, still wanna kill the thing though, this just means it’s gonna be more of a challenge and good practice for the demon lord.
Sorry. @ParrotWatcher Parrot but I can’t read further your game after the shed. Not because I get triggered I don’t. Because In character I have no choice as the option you give is GET BROKEN GET BROKEN GET LAMELY BROKEN.
And Like anyone of my characters would behave so lamely goodie In character I can’t read further. Game is planned and writing in the mind of a hippie.
If you had added flavours choices about how i faked complying while doing stuff like use laxatives in his food and hacking his profile maybe putting cameras to that…
However I will still beta testing out of character trying to make a goodie. For now Is good even if the fact game is designed with only goodie in mind is clear.
Paragraph like you are so desperate to even thinking in steal…
And about the shabby clothing… Mara first thought would be I would enter a clothing shop and steal something. And of course she would break a place without blinking She tried to burn out their foster fathers lol probably to trying to get money from his insurance.
To be more neutral and add flavour choices I eould recommend you a early choice just after wake up About how you feeling and if you will do whatever to never return.
So If i choose I feel rage or hatred boiling inside me and will do whatever to make the people that harmed me pay… You then add flavour text about it. It could help a lot in immersion even if are only few phrases
Ties… really aren’t that dangerous. In all my years at school no injury was ever caused by one and I doubt that has changed since then. Most students take off their ties for physical activity (not including P.E. because… duh) and if you’re wearing a jumper it’s a complete non-issue. Incidents with bunsen-burners and the like would be the fault of the student, not the tie, since you’re not supposed to stand over an exposed flame to begin with A lot of students used to just not wear them at their full length, though I’ve noticed that’s less common now
Fun fact in the nun Catholic private school I went they had to remove ties… Because autoerotic asphyxiation NO EVEN KIDDING it was years before my time there but they caught two guys in one of the empty classrooms… Yeah… The nuns spelled them and become paranoid against ties so they remove them from uniform and they started anti homosexual chats I had to suffered several. Now are ILLEGAL thankfully.
Honestly for a teenager I prefer something shorter, unless it’s a rain coat and it rains a heck of a lot at the place we’re at.
However we’re a minor, so can we actually spend it? Since no one is going to give us priceless jewellery on our birthday. But no matter how much money we have or haven’t got doesn’t change the fact that an Etonian-esque uniform is horrible not something anyone should willingly inflict on young teenagers.
Yeah, until the real “chosen one” shows up anyway. My mc has no compunctions against spending it since it was their screw-up where they captured the wrong the wrong guy by mistake, only thing is he doesn’t want to get banished back to his shit life in the mundane world either.
Much appreciated. Like I said helps with the verisimilitude for me and it’s not like my mc given his shit life is awfully concerned about it shortening his life expectancy from 89 to around 72 either and he doesn’t give one iota about second-hand smoke either, since, also again, why should he care for anybody when nobody has ever even pretended to give a shit about him, except maybe ironically his brief petty-criminal pot-growing foster parents. .
You mean ren-faire imitation style but with actual, quality silk or satin? I have no objections, though nice cravat pins are even more expensive than good and good-looking tie clips.
As long as the breeches and stockings can be properly fitted and the stockings be modern satin (again, ren-faire as opposed to 100% authentic) I have no objections, as long as we can choose to wear them with the nice and probably expensive boots, instead of those horrible shoes from TSSL’s picture.
Wouldn’t half surprise me if the dog was a minion of the demon lord in dog form, well except for the fact we’re not the actual chosen so up until now the demon lord would have had no particular reason to make our lives more miserable.
You can get around the fast-fashion tags at least with a relatively simple lead-lined shopping bag, just a
question of not being too obvious about it and doing it in the camera blind-spots while avoiding security. Busy times help with that. For the higher end ones making a show about needing to pee really badly or having an allergic reaction while conveniently wearing the item(s) you intend to snatch is more likely than not to get you shown to the employee bathroom, from where you can usually make a sneaky egress out of the usually non scanner protected backdoor or window(s) especially if you choose a busy time, like the holiday shopping season. Ah, the things you learn from court transcripts, eh?
Surely the outerwear can vary a bit by season? Or personal taste? Especially if it’s optional, there could be an approved range all the way from the ankle-length coats to the really short old-style Eton jacket (and then down to no outer thing at all)?
Neck accessory could be a choice between tie, ribbon, cravat, 16th-century-style tabs, and maybe bowtie? Maybe also an option for some sort of amulet neckwear too, in keeping with magic style?
Well, unless you’ve been hiding some sort of vampiric past from me, I don’t think you’ve worn a few centuries’ worth of school uniform varieties…
Well, given that…
…maybe Karakan is actually a hallucination-induced distortion of Mr. Birton’s dog?
And other ways too!
Huh, I swear I must be shoe-blind… I never notice them
How often do uniforms specify shoes?
However, things that the MC probably doesn’t know at this point