The One Chosen (WIP; 366,000 words; updated 16/08/2024)

Hosted Games Works In Progress
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1885

Old name meaning the name you picked at the start.

I guess that could work… :thinking:

I don’t know, that sounds pretty costly to me. (But as I said, there is another price to potentially pay.)

It’s… complicated. I guess you could think of it like a quantum superposition, where you had both the same name as Artie and also the name Jo(e) Bloggs, and part of the elf magic is stopping people from thinking too hard about what it means.
But yes, the only effect is that you are forced to give up the first thing you got to choose for yourself.

I guess something like that could work… :thinking:

5 Likes
1886

Physical: 62
Mental: 6
Social: 12
Total: 80 (New save.)

Hopeful: 44
Mundane: 67
Lawful: 52

Ædmund: 64
Charlie: 54
Dahlia: 64
Helena: 66
Kevin: 66
Max: 60
Teri: 62
Xiulan: 73
Dating Xiulan and Dahlia.
Artie: 57
Professor Karline: 62
Ædmund chaos stat: 3
Duchess: 52
Alder: 52
Won trial: Yes.
Inherited: No.
Elected: Yes.

1 Like
1887

It also has the benefit that it come full circle since it’s the first thing you chose for yourself and what you always wanted to be called so it make sense your MC would still pick that name to write in Death’s book even with Fae magic taking the name away since you already wanted to be called that as Joe Bloggs before it was your true name.

Also unrelated but since Santa exist (and so do Angel) couldn’t he also be a potential way to ressurect Artie? Saint Nicholas is pretty famous for having resurrect children that had unjustly died and Artie was still not an adult? Could be a funny thing to least mention.

2 Likes
1888

To be clear, the powerful northern spirit the Yule King exists; Saint Nicholas of Myra (who was noted for having resurrected children) is a historical figure from almost two millennia ago. And yes, I realise I call the former “Santa” in the story, but that’s just for ease of reference. The two figures are not the same, and if you asked the Yule King about resurrection, you’d probably just get the same answer as the Elf King gave you, and with a similar price. (It’s actually more likely that the Elf King and the Yule King are one and the same than the Yule King and Nicholas of Myra.)

3 Likes
1889

I want to ask something? Can MC do something about the Dutchess? Is there any plan going there?

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1890

The duchess’s current fate, while pretty unprecedented, is definitely not as hard to reverse as death, and even that’s not completely impossible.

4 Likes
1891

Well she’s one of MC’s main supporter she’s very nice person feels like Mom MC never have, just want to give back something if can

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1892

I like the Duchesse, with a high relationship, she feels really motherly and like she’s one step away from adopting you, which making you her heir is pretty close to.

4 Likes
1893

The first section of the next chapter has been posted to Patreon, involving a walk through an empty school; please support me there if you can.

6 Likes
1894

Please report these values to the writer:
Basile Hope:
Physical: 20
Mental: 58
Social: 2
Total: 80 (New save.)

Hopeful: 64
Mundane: 30
Lawful: 60

Ædmund: 60
Charlie: 52
Dahlia: 62
Helena: 63
Kevin: 62
Max: 66
Teri: 65
Xiulan: 64
Dating Xiulan and Dahlia.
Artie: 58
Professor Karline: 60
Ædmund chaos stat: 7
Duchess: 63
Alder: 63
Won trial: Yes.
Inherited: Yes.
Elected: Yes.

Time move fast in this story. For my part is not easy to feel move by it. Maybe the release would add more to those activity that skip every time.

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1895

For someone who helps run the Discord server (such as that is…) and harasses sends questions to be answered on Tom’s Tumblr, I’ve never actually made a post in this thread, huh. :sweat_smile:

Now that I’ve finally finished a playthrough, I can report the values to the author!

The Aforementioned Values to Report

Please report these values to the writer:
Ellis Vergo:
Physical: 0
Mental: 0
Social: 80
Total: 80 (New save.)

Hopeful: 30
Mundane: 74
Lawful: 75

Ædmund: 82
Charlie: 71
Dahlia: 71
Helena: 64
Kevin: 64
Max: 70
Teri: 67
Xiulan: 66
Dating Ædmund.
Artie: 63
Professor Karline: 74
Ædmund chaos stat: 21
Duchess: 67
Alder: 64
Won trial: Yes.
Inherited: Yes.
Elected: Yes.

I may have viewed the code once or twice while playing

Here are my more critique-like thoughts on the latest chapter…
(Please note that I’m in no way an expert when it comes to writing, and if someone comes up with a critique that counters this then they’re probably in the right, and what I’ve written thus should be discarded.)

Spoiler-y Thoughts of a More Critique Nature

Gonna be real, this chapter felt kinda…all over the place, tone-wise? It’s fine for the most part - the chapter’s more serious, sure, but things are still relatively fine. The odd comedic beat or two doesn’t feel out of place.

This changes once the Slave reappears, and things quickly go to Hell. The friend chosen to accompany you can end up on the verge of death. You can lose an eye. Even if neither of these things happen, your arm breaks and a man gets his arm ripped off. This is a very dark point in the story.

But there’s mentioned that a man is putting a ferret down his trousers. A one-off, but then the Slave is defeated by produce pelting, raffle tickets, and the aforementioned ferrets who look triumphant once she disappears.

I understand what you’re trying to set up. This chapter ends on a cliffhanger, with a large group of Bloodless (potentially) learning of the existence of magic. And I understand that the Slave is less “defeated” and more “annoyed into leaving”. But the way she is dealt with feels much too lighthearted compared to what just happened.

I should note that going from serious to silly (and vice versa) is not a bad thing! If anything, the first half of the chapter proves that you can slip comedic beats into an otherwise serious scene and still have it work well.

However, the tonal whiplash towards the end of the chapter feels a little too much. It’s like being in a dark cave and walking out into bright sunlight for the first time in a while. It’s just a little too strong a contrast in comparison to what happens before.

I guess my advice would be to keep the Slave leaving out of annoyance, and have her be attacked with something that’s silly, but said silly thing is something that could seriously hurt someone (though not a demon)? Think like a frying pan (not literally, since I doubt anyone happens to have one on hand there :sweat_smile:). 90% of the time it’s fun to watch someone get whacked with a frying pan, especially in something like a cartoon. But actually getting hit with one hurts. The wooden balls are a good start!

My only other critique is not a critique, but a bug bounty; when the portal snaps shut behind your friend, the option to ask if they’re all right is displayed as "{best_mayday}, are you okay?", even in the game proper. I meant to take a screenshot to show off what I mean, but forgot to. :sweat_smile:

…And my general, non-critique thoughts on said chapter.

Spoiler-y Thoughts of a More General Nature
  • Æddie’s got a full sleeve tattoo down his left arm now, eh? How many tats does he have now (assuming high chaos)? :smirk:
  • I love that Teri’s main concern to the portal snapping shut behind her is that her bag was destroyed and her clothes are drenched. Teri continues to be an absolute mood.
  • The real tragedy of this chapter is Kevin landing on Jeremy :pensive:
  • I think the biggest thing I’m looking forward to in the next chapter is how the ROs are gonna react to the MC’s injuries, especially since you couldn’t take them with you. This is definitely going to be interesting for dear Ædmund, since the MC getting horribly injured is one of his worst fears coming true. :innocent:

I might do I write-up for the current full game at a later date, but for now this is what I’ve got.

4 Likes
1896

It does, doesn’t it? :sweat_smile:
I am hoping to add some smaller scenes in the larger skips.

What do you mean, the ferrets are too silly? :roll_eyes:

Okay, I guess I could try to tone that part down a little… :sweat_smile:

Let’s see… :thinking:
You can see the first one (on his side) if you convince him to play the fanservice character in the play (and it’s stated that he didn’t have it at Christmas if you’re living at his house).
The second is visible above his collar when you go to visit the elves.
And this is the third.
(As for what the designs are of, I’ll leave that for you to debate amongst yourselves…)

3 Likes
1897

I’m sorry! :persevere: Again, if people are fine with it then you should keep that part as is! But my personal opinion is that it should be toned down just a touch. :sweat_smile:

First kind of tattoo I was thinking of was a solid black band tattooed around his neck, but I’m no expert when it comes to tats, so I’d be curious to hear what other people think. :thinking: