The Northern Passage (WIP)

[Checkmate]

I just finished playing this and I have to say, I really got into it, although horror is usually not my thing, I found this extremely interesting and well written. You have a marvelous piece here and am looking forward to more. I wish you good luck and good writing.

[gingergen]

This is delightful! Fantastic start, the dream is creepy and draws you right in. I love the overall pace so far. The story moves and feels urgent, but I can still follow and everything make sense (insofar as it is supposed to – my MC has an okay sanity stat which makes me very nervous for the future… in the very best of ways).

Interested in the companion characters too – I was all ready to get cuddly with Lea but then a rogue healer swept in with a big cloak and I’m suddenly going, “Sorry Lea, I really think we shouldn’t mess up our already shaky professional relationship.” But there’s a pirate! A very suspicious bard with bells on! And how do you decide to become a hunter handler, anyway? I have so many questions that make me long for the rest of the story. I’m sorry you didn’t get to do this as a campaign with your friends but I’m so glad you decided to write it up for us instead!

Reading through the thread, it looks like you’ve cleaned up a lot of the issues/suggestions that were brought up. I didn’t spot any code errors or language issues (except one instance where you used “less” instead of “fewer”), and your descriptions created a picture without distracting from the action.

I will follow the thread and look forward to future updates!

[sepha]

I’ve been keeping up with this game on tumblr and ooooooh it’s delicious…idk what a witcher is but the vibes are immaculate. I LOVE that the friend/ally RO is Chinese…I feel like the Asian ROs are always the mysterious exotic foreigner trope so for Lea to not only be the “closest” to the MC but also for their family be well-established in Blackwater? Showstopping. Sweet Lea…I wanna play their rivalmance because I love that trope but it’s so very hard to be mean to them I keep waking them up too gently or something…aha anyway Clem is very intruiging as well with the runaway royal vibes. I’m excited to get to know Merry and Noel better also. I think each of the romance routes will destroy me in a different way and I am SO ready

Also I love how you reblog art and prose on your tumblr it’s so pretty and also helps a lot with understanding the characters I think heehee

[kit]

Update 01/25/21:

A substantial update today! As usual, a few edits throughout the prologue have been made, stats adjusted, etc. Added hazel as an eye color option (lol). There is now a bit of flavor text on the stats page to let you know what your top trait is between stoic, aggressive, and genuine. I have also changed the way friendship works: it is no longer opposing with rivalry, but rather a separate stat on its own.

I wanted to make it more clear that while you can have a high rivalry, you also need to have a high friendship as well. Rivalry now opposes with civility, meaning if you have a high rivalry and low friendship…well, your companions might not be particularly nice. However, high rivalry and high friendship means you are on track for the rivalmance (if you wish to pursue that companion romantically) or you just have a friendly rivalry.

Now, for new content: Merry’s branch in Blackwater has been added in its entirety, with the demo now ending just before the branches reconvene. Some of you may have noticed I changed a few keywords around Merry’s intro at the last update… you’ll see why here. Yay first drafts! No new content warnings . Lea’s, Clementine’s, and Noel’s branches are all still being worked on, and will appear as [ WIP ] in this build of the demo.

And… new total word count: 154,652 (excluding code)

[sepha]

Fully obsessed with the latest update. I literally love all the characters so much. I many combust <3 Also I am now a Merry simp. And Clem…I feel so bad that they are nervous but it’s so cute how they keep wringing their hands lol. When Merry called Clem “our little southern clown” …I laughed

More importantly this update was so narratively and emotionally delicious. I really like how the hunter’s background actively influences how they behave and what they think, that the hunter isn’t just a blank slate, and how they have real vulnerabilities that are written with such intimacy and care (Greenwarden and Smoke and Velvet are two other IFs that do this and are coincidentally my favorites. In addition to The Northern Passage of course <3 lol.) ANYWAY I think this line exemplifies it: “Are you so desperate that you have to cling to anyone who shows you even the slightest attention? First Clementine, now Merry. Gods. Get a grip.” Like…ouch </3 but like in a good way

And of course I loooved how much depth Merry had. The flirting options just kept coming and the scene variations just KEPT COMING…the depth. The flavor. The umami. I’m hungry…but by god that lady is a minefield…but in a good way in a very good way…indeed, I am crying. The way she cuts to the feeling…about Gael and especially the hunter’s relationship with it and their past!! I was not expecting it…hoped, but not expected…lol. and about her mysterious ex…Jonah, I’m assuming? The necklace. The poetry. The gifts in her room. It’s just so crazy. Also I’m kind of suspicious of the information that we’ve been given about Merry’s ex. I think we’re meant to assume that their name is Jonah and they’re dead, but are they really? Mind games. But all in due time…currently I am busy being in love with Merry xx. I will call back in 3-5 business days

I also love how physically present the hunter is in their world. Like how when they’re with Branwen, the hunter can choose to stand and keep watch, and how Merry will do so if the hunter sits down. Like the cloak shenanigans!!! I LOVE the idea of cloaks. But usually it’s just like oh yeah, your character is here, and they have a dope-ass cloak, and then it’s never mentioned again ever. Rip to them but you’re different <3 The way the hunter really makes use of it (hiding…lol) and the way MERRY treats it especially. When she said “That hood doesn’t hide you nearly as much as you seem to think it does,”…I MELTED…send help But yeah this and just the way the characters speak about their Society™ (especially re: notherners and southerners) are all indicative of powerful worldbuilding deftly woven into the rich tapestry of the story <3 lol. It’s literally so intriguing and iconic.

I would say more but if I wanted to point out everything I liked I’d be here for weeks and I am hungry so. I will leave this with some typos or other weird things that I noticed. I haven’t code dived yet so sadly this is not exhaustive </3

read more

typos:
camaraderie is spelled “comraderie”
“peek under your hood” is instead “peak under your hood”
in one of the branches, Merry says “I believe this is out stop,” instead of “our stop”

continuity things…idk what to call them:

When we’re with Branwen, if you don’t take the drink, Merry says, “Yes, from Gael! From home,” (which, by the way. ICONIC AND BEAUTIFUL DIALOGUE) and the hunter is caught off guard by the statement, “from home.” If you take the drink, Merry doesn’t say “from home,” but the hunter is still described as being surprised by the phrase “from home”.

In dawnawake/dawnpassedout, the hunter describes Merry as a pirate. So it seems weird that the hunter is surprised to discover that Merry is a pirate later.

[Roast]

Hmmm probably because that’s not what’s being tested really! It looks like the friendship stat is what’s tracking the low relationship while the rivalry/civility is more about, like, how you get along (or don’t) with the characters.

Having a low friendship and high rivalry would be, I imagine, the equivalent to just straight out not liking one another, whereas having low friendship and high civility is more like not liking each other but being professional about your relationship as opposed to a bitter rivalry

Anyway, I love the update @kit and I’m super excited to read more

[sleipnir]

Which is why it has to be paired with low friendship in order to be considered dislike, I imagine.

Otherwise, it’s a friendly rivalry. Which is the point.

[kit]

@sepha omg thank u so much i’m glad ur enjoying it ur message made my day

also as for the continuity thing, i’m not sure when the last time was that u read the opening of ch1 but i tried to sneakily change it in the december update so she was no longer referred to as a pirate…of course any readers that have read earlier updates or just follow the blog very clearly know she’s a pirate lmao but MC…MC look away. you don’t know. it’s possible i missed some bits in the last update, i’ll do another sweep through and make sure i have it all updated!

that’s the thing about updating this way it’s my first draft so u all get to see the stupid stuff i change in real time LOL

also nice catches on the “from home,” dialogue i definitely missed that completely…i only read it 500 times you think i would see it but. apparently not lol. and i definitely don’t even remember where i used the word camaraderie…gonna have to search for that one lmao. also the fact you read my code…i’m so sorry you had to see that mess…

anyways thank u for the hype… it fuels me!!! and ofc for the feedback it helps a lot!

@Roast thank you!!! and yes that is the intention with the separate stats!!

[Mistyleaf123]

Replayed the game for the 80th time! (lol) I just love the ROs and the story ^^

found a typo:

[sepha]

i literally love your story and your characters so much if it helps, the last two typos are from the most recent update and the “comraderie” one miiiiiight be in the update as well (re: Blackwater, the city) or it might be from the hunter being emotionally repressed at camp with Clem but I actually cannot find it again so it’s possible I just made it up…rip. But hey code diving is fun. Where else would I find *label dick and city_thots?

[kit]

@sepha exposing me lmao!!! but thank you and dw i found the camaraderie and fixed it, same with “peak.” i always forget which one is which and i literally always guess the wrong one

@Mistyleaf123 thank u for this catch too! i’ve started writing directly into my coding software, while before i was writing in word/google docs and then importing, so i no longer have the helpful red squiggle calling out my typos so expect more of these lol

[mecdelli]

oh god, this passage is like you Know, you just KNOW my most passionate wishes:

throw in some sea motifs and bittersweet longing and i become one eternal scream in the void. thank you for this gift!

now onto more serious matters…

Summary

there’s this dreamy quality to your writing, even with how gritty their lives are. i think, even though it kinda depends on our choices, it’s fascinating how lea and our hunter have orbited one another for some time and now have been brought together and simply seem to choose to keep coming back together, these tiny little moments of openness and vulnerability that share with one another that is seemingly lacking in the rest of their lives. this is definitely the kind of story that offers more and more on each read, exploring every single choice, with how complex and multi-dimensional you have allowed their lives to be–how human and real, complicated and messy, multi-sided. and this quiet, desperate thread of longing and desire for a keep, abiding connection that both seem to yearn for and yet not seem to realise or recognise how it’s driving their interactions. coupled with these flashes of understanding and insight into one another and the way that they share space and silence with seemingly such comfort. i am aware this is only the beginning and perhaps a tad too early to become this invested but… i am in wild anticipation for lea’s route

and about the new update… ah, i love the options you gave us! there’s such a genuine naturalness that makes them all feel all the more real and fleshed… which also means the poem reading scene with merry made me want to claw the skin off my face so badly. seriously, good job with that whole interaction, it was a great journey of various emotions

can’t wait to see where this (and they?!) go next!

[readher]

Very nicely written. Definitely one of my favorite WIPs at the moment.

[MadAdam]

This was a really engaging read, I love the world building and characters and am excited to see where the story goes. In particular, I am completely smitten with Lea, great tension and relationship development between MC and Lea already. Boy howdy I can’t wait to get closer .

My primary criticism is with Merry. Unless I missed it, there was no prompt for making Merry male and I don’t romance women. Like at all. It began to feel awkward when several of the choice options for Merry interactions were four flirt options and two non flirts, whereas this ratio is reversed for the other ROs. I felt like this was trying to corral me into flirting with her and I’m just not interested in what she’s offering. Hopefully she gets gender flippable, or at least the flirt options for the other ROs become more balanced.

My only other note is in the naming. Aside from Noel, the other RO names read as intrinsically feminine. This might just be me, but Lea (as opposed to Lee) and Clementine (even though NB) are just such intrinsically feminine names I had trouble reading them as masculine/ambiguous to the point it was a bit immersion-breaking for me. I realize it’s fantasy but idk, it just felt off. Definitely not a major issue, I’ll love my hunky Lea even if he’s named Amanda, Priscilla or Jane, it just takes me a bit out of my immersion.

Aside from those two minor things this was incredibly enjoyable and I look forward to more!

[kit]

merry is genderlocked. and the reason there are more flirts for her is because her branch is done, while the others are not complete yet, hence being marked as [WIP] in the demo. merry actually has the least amount of flirts, since you can’t flirt with her until you’re in her chapter one branch.

and it’s simply her personality, she is a flirty character. if you don’t reciprocate then she will ease off and not flirt with you in the lift when you are leaving the docks, leaving it up to the player to initiate the flirt or not. and if you continue to not show interest as the story progresses she will stop completely

as for the names… i don’t know what to tell you, lmao. i don’t see names as “gendered.” and lea’s name is pronounced “lay-uh” as opposed to “lee” which is why it’s spelled that way. also i’m going to be honest, this comment really rubbed me the wrong way, i’m sure you didn’t mean it this way but gendering a non-binary character just because of their name is… off-putting.

clementine’s branch will hopefully be complete this month, and then i plan on doing lea’s, and noel’s will be the last one before the branches reconvene for the rest of the chapter, so once they are all released you’ll be able to go with your preferred companion!

[pixelcerin]

TNP is great in every way, from the unique personalities and depth of all the characters to the interesting and detailed world-building. There’s so much variation within the game and it evidently takes into account lots of details based on the choices you make. All of the introduced characters so far feel so real and give you reasons to like or dislike them, and in my opinion that makes them all even more lovable in the end.

It’s evident you’ve put a lot of work into the story Kit and as usual, I’ll be looking forward to every update

[kit]

@pixelcerin thank u so much!! i’m glad ur loving all the characters

@zee i will neither confirm nor deny ur theory…hehe… and thank you for the kind words!!!

[Takashi_Shin]

I can’t wait for a Handler route cuz I love that character he or she has a good personality in my mind and my main character and the Handler bicker like an old married couple

[gingergen]

Just popping in to say a) I loved the Merry-centric update – the city is so interesting and the layout really captured my imagination. I love the way you write, because your descriptions really draw me in and make me create a movie in my head.

And b) I think about this story all the time. I try not to get my heart too wrapped up in WIP projects, because you never know what’s going to happen. But I can’t help it with this one, it has really captured my imagination, and I have 2 very strong MC characters already built in my head, and I can’t wait for more. Thank you!

[Takashi_Shin]

Why can’t the hunter Go hunting for produce because the produce comes to them​:watermelon: ( I give you one of my bad jokes I hope you enjoy I have more to go but I’m still writing perfect joke for the northern Passage because to me you earned it)