The Noir Curse (WIP) (Some feedback?)

high-fantasy
young-adult-fiction
gender-choice

#81

Yeahhh, gods are great and all, but a stoic emotionless elf that probably wants nothing to do with my MC…:eyes:


my weakness
In all seriousness though, I’m loving your writing style and the premise of the story so far! I’m excited to see where it leads and I will definitely be keeping an eye out for more! Good luck friend~ :yum: :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:


#82

I most definitely am :eyes::revolving_hearts:


#83

Yes. :revolving_hearts:


#84

Honestly same :joy::joy::joy:

and thank you tons! :revolving_hearts:


#85

Honestly, i think the female ROs are more than enough , i already have a difficult time choosing between an Angel and a Nymph :slight_smile:


#86

And for everyone regarding adding more female ROs I understand what you guys mean, I really do, but for the plot to flow accordingly both Gods need to be males for various reasons which I can’t say cuz *spoilers * :joy: and honestly its easier for me this way. I hope that in my next story I’ll be able to make more diverse ROs or allow the player to chose the gender of the RO. For this story I’ll stick to the genders ive chosen, I hope that doesnt upset anyone sorry.


#87

Ahh, I’m ready to turn Rhys into a cuddle puppy :joy:


#88

Like I said if the story works better that way then you shouldn’t change it :grin:


#89

Okay sp update!

Option 2 won on the poll so I added the small interactive prologue at the beginning (also edited the ending of the prologue a little bit)

I also fixed the whole going back and forth between past and present, the prologue is in past tense since its supposed to be like a memory but the rest of the novel is in present tense. I still have to proof read the second chapter though.

Hopefully I’ll start working on chpater 3 after I finish proof reading, and probably adding one or two more personality options when interacting in the palace, to chapter 2.

Cant wait for you guys to meet the Gods :blush: Hope you guys like it.


#90

Hey! So small update, I ended up making Cassian (one of the twins) non binary.


#91

I finally proofreaded chapter 2 and the converstaion with Ava is now longer, there’s more content in it.

I’ll start writing chapter 3 tonight.


#92

I just went through the prologue and Ava’s conversation. The prologue is more fun to read through, and Ava’s character is definitely more fleshed out with the lines you added. Before she was just a nymph, but now she has a personality and outlook that separates her from the others. I think Ava and my character, Zennith the magician (who reluctantly went to the Night Palace) will get along great.


#93

woohoo you write quite fast!


#94

Have you considered making a tumblr blog for your game?


#95

I’m definitely ready to spam the ask box with questions about Rhys. We gotta know what the ROs favorite Ice cream flavors are, y’know, all of the important stuff.

hey is that kokichi from danganronpa


#96

@Fay @Troll_Hater lmaoooo i haven’t really considered it yet but maybe i will :eyes:


#97

yes, yes it is and i love him


#98

Hello! Chapter three is up! Time to meet the Gods xD I hope its okay. Does it feel shorter than the other chapters? What do you think about the Gods? 0.0 First impressions?


#99

First impressions:
I love the descriptions of the castle and the servants.
I’m going to enjoy romancing and trying to kill the gods (not in the same playthrough :laughing:). I am starting to wonder more why they decided now to give another chance to free the Sun God.
I’m interested in meeting the others that were chosen.

I noticed when I chose to ask about the types of trials, it seems like there is a line cut off:
He releases a soft cruel snicker and you’re pretty sure
and then it just goes to the choices.

When I chose that Marsciella was going to pay, the first paragraph is almost all in italics.

When I choose that I don’t know what to think of the gods, there’s this line:
Hell, you still aren’t sure what you’re doing here.

I’m not sure if you meant this to mean that the player character don’t know why the Night Gods are doing this now, or if the player character doesn’t know what their motive is for being here. I decided to do a quick “let’s destroy the gods!” route and a “this is my duty/destiny” route this time, and it felt like it was contradicting what I had chosen.

Also, I really like that the player character uses their magic to make a mental map of the castle. I think it’s a refreshing and smart use of magic.


#100

Fixed!

RIP i tried making one word in italics but it seems it didn’t work, oh well, i’ll just erase the italic thingy xD

Hmm, there is a small paragraph before that line. I checked it again and its there but i’m not sure why it didn’t appear for you…I’ll have to check out what’s wrong.